LNH: Legion of Net.Heroes Volume 2 #51

[Andrew Perron]

On Sun, 10 Jun 2012 17:45:40 +0000 (UTC), Martin Phipps wrote:

> Last issue, Dorfs invaded Looniearth and the LNH fought them off.
> 
> There.  Now you don’t have to read it.

...what

....seriously, what

Why. Why did you explicitly dismiss the big anniversary issue a bunch of us
including you are putting a buttload of work into?

> “The LNH,” he said, “must change with the times.  Marvel has had an
> openly gay character for decades and now DC has decided that Alan
> Scott is also gay.  The LNH must, therefore, have an openly gay
> character.”

...

Okay, so, first, we already have, I believe, several characters of
alternative sexualities at this point, including Outfielder Boy, Frat Boy,
Fan.Boy... huh, we probably need more lesbians. Anyway, yeah, been there,
done that.

The second is...

> Thus did Deja Dude, at great personal risk [You try going around
> asking big strong muscular men if they are gay], scour the world
> looking for a gay net.hero until he finally found… the Flaming Torch!

...

do I *need* to say what's wrong here?

Okay, okay - parody. Got it. Let's see how the joke works, and--

> “Flame on!” The Flaming Torch said and then he snapped his fingers,
> cocked his head to one side and did some moves that appeared to have
> been stolen from All That Jazz.

oh.

oh, Martin.

> “No,” Keiko said, “but that’s because he isn’t a parody making fun of
> homosexuals.  There’s a difference between being openly gay and
> flaming gay.  The big two comics companies would never have the
> latter.”
> 
> “In the 90s, DC Comics had an openly gay character called Etrano.
> That’s Spanish for ‘queer’.”

...

> “No!” said Kid Enthusiastic who happened to be in the Lobby while the
> new characters were being introduced.  “If he is eleven years old then
> he doesn’t know if he is gay or not!”

...

> Deja Dude looked at the Flaming Torch Junior’s frilly pink costume.
> “Did you pick that out yourself?”
> 
> “I sewed it myself!” the Flaming Torch Junior said proudly.
> 
> Deja Dude nodded.  “He’s gay.”

...

> “You’re a homophobe!”
> 
> “I admit that!” Deja Dude said.

...

> “But it’s either this or reveal that
> some long forgotten non-writer character is gay, which is something we
> should never do to a character we didn’t create ourselves!”

...
 
> “What about Frat Boy?  Didn’t Tom Russell make him gay?”

...

> Deja Dude sighed.  “Look at it this way: the Flaming Torch is like the
> gay version of Master Blaster except the Flaming Torch likes men and
> not women.  Why is it homophobic to make fun of the Flaming Torch for
> liking men and not heterophobic to make fun of Master Blaster liking
> women?”
> 
> “Hmm,” Kid Enthusiastic said.
> 
> “Well?”
> 
> “You’ve got a point.”

No.

Look, I really don't like poking someone for what I percieve as personal
flaws. That said, this has been a persistent problem, and with this issue
it's really gotten to the breaking point for me, so:

Martin, please stop writing stories which are simply long-winded
justifications, and please understand someone's argument before you try to
rebut it. Especially when you're putting said rebuttal in the mouths of
pre-existing characters.

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, going to go read Godling now.