LNH20/REPOST: LNH20 Comics Presents #12
pwerdna at gmail.com
Mon Jul 23 15:35:17 PDT 2012
LNH20 Comics Presents #12:
Chapter 12 of a chaotic add-on cascade (though probably something more
like 20 if you count all the crossovers in other series)
by Adrian J. McClure
Lawrence Herrera, age 45, single, recently laid off from his job as
department store manager, was the first to notice it. He was leaving
the city to visit his cousin, who thought she could set him up with a
new job. He didn't want to move out of Netropolis, but he had to admit
there were times when living here was a little overwhelming. The
Netropolis economy was starting to go up considerably now that their
local superhero team was becoming world-famous, but this was a double-
edged sword: the more famous the LNH was, the greater caliber of
villains it attracted. Lawrence could attest to this. The store he'd
worked at had been smashed to pieces in a battle between the
Chuggernaut and You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad. There were days
when he loved the sheer excitement of living in the city where the new
age of heroes was beginning, and there were days when he wanted to
move to some small town in Iowa or somewhere where they'd never even
heard of net.heroes.
He was so lost in thought that he almost fell off the edge of the
city. Abruptly he slammed the breaks and the car screeched to a halt
just in time. Where the road ought to be, he saw a bank of clouds.
Acres of farmland stretched out below.
Lawrence got out of his car and ran for his life. Soon other people
started to notice as well. Panic spread like wildfire throughout
Netropolis as its citizens realized it was floating in midair.
Somewhere beyond time and space as we know it, there lies the
Preceptory, the gathering place of the Elder Gods, larger than the
universe itself. No mortal has ever set foot here, though Professor
Penumbra has seen it in his dreams. The King in Plaid shifts uneasily
on his throne as the great Betathoth finally ends its million-year-
long filibuster. Rwtn-t'bol taps their tentacles impatiently on the
table. The Archon of the Thirteenth Hour grimaced as she touched a
chewed-up wad of stories from a long-dead race of shapeshifters that
another Elder God had stuck thoughtlessly to the bottom of the desk.
(Of course there were no tables or chairs or desks here, but rather
things that could only be metaphorically referred to as such, or
perhaps things for which our tables and chairs and desks are only
They were discussing how to handle the matter of an object that had
been stolen from the Preceptory countless aeons ago, which had brought
endless terror and grief to the mortal worlds it passed through. This
was of little concern to most of the Elder Gods. However, the cosmic
balance had shifted and the Spoon now posed a threat to they
themselves. They glanced often at the seats once held by those the
Ultimate Ninja had slain [in the Classic LNH's Beige Midnight #9--
ed.], some of which had been filled by Elder Gods from the newly-
created world some called Earth-20, but others of which still remained
empty, and at the Death of Gods which sat above them all, still and
silent and inexorable.
The other Elder Gods had, with great difficulty, talked Gosub-Nogudwat
out of sending her Dork Young to deal with the matter just yet.
Instead, they had chosen as their emissary a being who had much
experience with this world and was deeply woven into its history. A
being who could thrive in the chaos that was growing in Netropolis,
but also had his own unique form of order. They had all agreed at
last when they realized it gave them a chance to get him out of their
"I still don't think we should have let him join," said Doc Nostalgia.
"Why not?" said Fearless Leader. "Of course I don't trust him. None of
us do. But if there's any possibility he can be a net.hero, we should
give him a chance. And if not, we should have him where we can keep a
close watch on him, just like with Googlemesh. Keep your friends close
and your enemies closer, as they say."
"The Cranium was one of my oldest and deadliest enemies!"
"That Cranium is dead," said Fearless Leader. "I'm pretty sure this
isn't the same one."
"But he didn't tell us where he came from and how he's related to that
Cranium," said Doc Nostalgia.
"I believe I know the answer," said January Frost. "Agent-M recently
uncovered information that WHATEVER was trying to clone Cranium, but
stopped after five attempts. There were rumors that the fifth Cranium
had gone rogue and was now attempting to undermine their organization.
Given that we encountered this Cranium as he was in the process of
infiltrating and disrupting with a WHATEVER operation, I believe this
is the same person. Perhaps we could call him 'Cranium 5' if it would
make you more comfortable."
"I'll never be comfortable with him around!"
"Me neither," said Fearless Leader. "But what can you do? He's not
even close to the weirdest new member we've had this last year."
"Felix, you seem somewhat troubled," said January Frost. "It isn't
like you to harry the new members the way you've been doing since the
invasion. You're usually much more supportive. Is there something
Fearless Leader smiled ruefully. "Not really. Well... you're right.
Sorry. Doc Nostalgia's the one who's normally the 'Simon Cowell' in
this team, not me."
"Who's that?" said Doc Nostalgia. "Is he from Jersey Shore?"
"Never mind. It's just that sometimes I feel like this organization is
getting too big and confusing. I always knew Sigrid was going to join
someday as soon as we found out about her, but the rest... It's
reached the point where I can't remember who all the members are
without looking at the wiki anymore. And now that we're famous all of
a sudden it's only going to get worse. We've put so much effort into
building this thing, and now I'm worried it's getting out of our
"As well it should. Our goal was to give prospective net.heroes a
place to grow into their role and to give them an example to live up
to. We always knew that someday it would grow beyond us. I remember
when you were my student, after a fashion. Now we are more or less
equals. So too it will be with them, given time."
"I hope so," said Fearless Leader. "But it's never easy to get used
"You're absolutely right," said January Frost. "I remember when you
couldn't feel overwhelmed, or much of anything. That's clearly not the
case now. It's not an unpleasant change."
"Thanks. But that's the thing. We just saved the world, more or less,
and people are starting to really take notice. I'm still waiting for
the other shoe to drop..."
As if on cue, an alarm went off. The screen flashed to show Netropolis
from outside, sitting on a bank of clouds. "Good lord! Choke!" said
Doc Nostalgia. "The city of Netropolis is floating in midair!"
"Huh. Never seen it do that before," said Fearless Leader.
"It must be an effect of all the retcotheric energy generated by the
Spoons and the Retcon Ball," said January Frost.
Doc Nostalgia pressed some buttons on his chair; a series of
indicators appeared on screen. "Of course! The city is giving off
twice as much retcotheric energy as @Lantis's power core! And it's
also disrupting time and space! Wait just a minute... where are the
LNHers who found Cranium?"
"Huh. They never reported back," said Fearless Leader. "And come to
think of it, neither did your group..."
"Great Curt Swan's ghost! I have the strangest feeling I'm in two
places at once!"
"Great Curt Swan's ghost! I have the strangest feeling I'm in two
places at once!"
"That's, uh, nice," said Nerf Girl. The team had wandered into the
museum, which had been twisted into something resembling one of M.C.
Escher's weird dream. The further into the museum they got, the more
incongruous and alien the architecture became. It now resembled a
cross between an ancient Roman temple and an airport. They weren't at
all sure how they were going to get out.
"Well, I wouldn't be surprised," said Kid Enthusiastic. "The Spoon
seems to be twisting up time and space like a pretzel... Oh my God,
Doc Nostalgia, what happened to you!"
Doc Nostalgia blinked. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in a
mirror, and saw that he had changed in two very notable ways. First,
he was now wearing his Silver Age costume again, complete with cape.
Second, he had become a Muppet. "Good lord! Choke! I've been
transformed into a Muppet!"
"I noticed--augh! I'm wearing clothes!" Nudist Man, now wearing a
conservative business suit, blushed a furious crimson. He ducked
behind a pillar and tried to take them off, but to no avail.
Nerf Girl pulled out her sword, but her hands shook and it dropped to
the floor. "All my Nerf weapons just got turned into real weapons!"
she said. "Now I can't use them!" You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough
Lad tried to say something, but couldn't. He had become intangible.
Ultimate Mercenary was now dressed in an outfit resembling Captain
Jack Sparrow except with a full-face mask; a parrot sat on his
shoulder. "Yarr! I've been turned into a pirate! I be betrayin' the
ideals of the ninja! Shiver me timbers, Jim lad!"
Doc Nostalgia flew up into the air, preparing to scope out the museum.
"Wait! I can fly again now? How is that possible? Of course--the
Muppets are such a potent source of nostalgia that it's brought me
back to my previous power level!" Then the world suddenly grew so much
clearer and more detailed. He heard the noise of traffic throughout
the city. He could sense as much as he did at the height of his power,
more than he could handle. He closed his eyes and held his hands over
his years, hunching to the ground. "Who's doing this to us? I--" Then
he heard a chuckle from nearby. A strangely familiar chuckle. "Of
course! This can only be the work of--
For more detail on the Elder Gods' debate, consult the Congressional
Record of Realities, if you are one of the few who can do so without
instantly going mad.
The Preceptory and the previously-unmentioned Elder were created by me
and are general use. Mr. Morrison was created by Andrew Perron.
More information about the racc