LNH: Easily-Discovered Man #53 (2/3)

[Andrew Perron]

On Thursday, July 19, 2012 3:59:42 PM UTC-4, EDMLite wrote:

<snip>
>      Otherwise, however, the photograph Penelope handed me
> was exactly the same as the one I had handed her.  It
> showed three young people, obviously close friends, standing
> arm-in-arm in front of a red barn.  One of them, not
> surprisingly, was a teen-aged version of Constance Schlubb.
> The second was the super-hero known as Substitute Lad.
> 
>      The third was me.
> 
>      "Explain," Penelope said.

Indeed! o.ov

>      Now it was my turn to look surprised -- which, in this
> case, meant horking a hot stream of coffee out of my nose.

Owch!
>      "Hector," Penelope said, placing a hand on mine, then
> quickly pulling it away.  "That's Jack Truman.  Everybody
> in Mount Roosevelt knew Jack Truman.  From the posters that
> were up all over town.  And that is exactly the way Jack
> Truman looked on the day he went missing."
> 
>      I felt something cold settle at the base of my spine.

Mmmmmmm. <3 Nice fresh unexpected twist.

>      I caught the apron with my left hand.  My right hand
> was already under the table, pulling a carbonized-steel
> spatula from my backpack.  I threw the utensil up in
> the air, let it rotate a couple of times, then caught it
> in mid-spin.
> 
>      "I know my way around one of these," I said.

It's also interesting that the spatula is basically a symbol of the modern American working class - that is, fast food. (AUGH HELP IT'S INVADED MY MIIIIIIND)

>      "Nothing," I said.  "It's just... I'm used to being the
> normal one all the time.  It's kind of how I've come to see
> myself, you know: the one ordinary guy in the middle of all
> the world's craziness."
> 
>      Penelope shook her head, then turned her eyes back to
> the trail in front of us.
> 
>      "There is nothing normal about you, Hector Lopez," she
> said.

The eventual fate of all Spider-Man types~!

>      My mind, taken off guard, simultaneously answered
> "Ask what?" and "What do you mean?"  Unfortunately, this
> meant that what actually emerged from my mouth was something
> like "Whask meen?"

Heeheeheehee

>      "You've dated three guys since we broke up," I said,
> without looking at her.  "You started work at the Waffle
> Palace about a month after I left.  You're also enrolled
> at Mount Roosevelt Community College, where you're pretty
> sure at least one of your instructors has a crush on you.
> You're halfway through the 'Song of Ice and Fire' series,
> and you've seen Katy Perry twice in the last year."
> 
>      Penelope slugged me in the arm.  "So you did Facebook
> stalk me after all, you liar," she said.

gjlkgkldj...! You are *entirely* too good at combining emotions with the funny.

>      "And then the breeze stopped.  And the crickets.
> And the plants.  Why is it that every other building around
> here is covered in vines -- they pretty much wrap around
> your legs if you stand still too long -- but that barn
> has been here for years, and there's not so much as a blade
> of grass touching it?"
> 
>      Penelope looked at me with a strange expression.
> 
>      "Are you... narrating?" she asked.

Nothing wrong with that. >.> <.<

>      "Implying that there is such a thing as feeling
> wrong, but in a good way?"
> 
>      "That is what I said," Penelope said.
> 
>      "I really should have kept in touch with you."

Oh my~ </Takei>

>      "Then why did you tell me that horrible story?"
> 
>      "Because now that you know I didn't use a Hand of
> Glory," I said, as the lock slid open, "don't you feel
> slightly better about the fact that I broke into your
> restaurant this morning?"

*snerk*

>      "Hang on," I said, digging around in my back pocket.
> In a moment, a soft green glow emanated from my hand,
> illuminating the walls and rafters around us.  In the
> distance, I saw the faintest hint of machinery.
> 
>      Penelope came up beside me, looking at my hand.
> "Is that the mask of Easily-Discovered Man?" she asked.
> 
>      "It was," I said.

*frission!* (And I like how you repeatedly invoke the magical remnant of a dead man, and then you bring that out.)

>      "Okay," I said, keeping myself between Penelope and
> the advancing figures.  "On the plus side?  We've successfully
> managed to avoid the whole 'Midwestern meth addicts in a barn'
> trope, which frankly has been done to death.

Which thank you.

>      "On the other," I continued, "well... zombies."
> 
>      Penelope screamed, the monsters lurched forward, and I
> found myself wishing I hadn't used the phrase "done
> to death..."

Interesting - using the same cliffhanger twice!

>      NOTE: The author recognizes that, owing to Rule 34,
> fiction of the type created by Cynical Lass in the opening
> sketch may, and probably does, exist.  If so, the author
> kindly requests that he never, ever, ever be provided with
> evidence of this fact.

Mwahahaha.

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, caught up in a fthagn romance~