LNH: Easily-Discovered Man #53 (1/2)

[Andrew Perron]

On Thursday, July 19, 2012 4:19:10 PM UTC-4, EDMLite wrote:

Note that this didn't show up on my usual newsserver, just Google Groups.

>     Doused with microwave radiation, Theodore Wong gained the
> ability to glow and be detected at great distances by anyone
> with a Geiger counter.  Forced to retire, Wong has left former
> sidekick Lite to continue his battle against the forces of
> corruption, chaos and common sense, and to carry on the
> legacy of the fabulous EASILY-DISCOVERED MAN.

Ooooo. A change to the blurb, yet.

>      "Lovecraftian cosmic horror romance," she said.

I'm just surprised you managed to get through that whole scene without a single "tentacle porn" joke. (And that Cynical Lass's characterization had this consistent depth throughout the jokey intro scene.)

>      "Penny!  Go for the door!" I shout, then realize
> it's too late, that the other zombies have already
> blocked the entrance to the barn.  I hear Penelope
> screaming, hear feet shuffling toward her... and
> then blackness, nothing, as the cold claws close
> around my windpipe...

Um wow. o.ov Nothing like a cliffhanger opening.

>      "Hector Far-reaching Lopez," she said, though the
> actual word she used in place of my middle name was not
> "far-reaching."  "What the far-reaching are you doing in
> my restaurant?"

By any chance, did the first draft of this story feature a cyborg helicopter?

>      Penelope Laine

...by any chance, does she have a nickname?

>      I'd met Penelope after coming to Mount Roosevelt in
> order to help some guy named Trevor Blount repossess a
> of shape-shifting supernatural monster that had escaped
> from Hell.  (Easily-Discovered Man and I did that sort of
> thing all the time, in those days).

Sudden stab of good-old-days feeling, from whence do you come!?

>      "Hello?" she said, snatching up my newspaper and
> waving it in front of my face.  "We do know how to read
> in Mount Roosevelt, you know.  'Criminal Mastermind
> Hunts Easily-Discovered Man Lite.'  'Easily-Discovered
> Man Lite Thrown Out of Legion of Net.Heroes.' 'Former
> Sidekick Blamed As Easily-Discovered Man Quits.'

Wait what, why

>      "Look," Penelope said, raising her hands.  "I'm not
> saying Connie Schlubb didn't have her ways.  Lord knows
> she wasn't the easiest person in the world to work for.
> But she put a lot of people to work in this town.  And
> she gave me my first job."

It's interesting how the "Death of the Waffle Queen" arc is an example of sustained narrative collapse - that is, the plot is about a direct threat to one's ability to tell Easily-Discovered Man stories. (Can you tell I've been reading the TARDIS Eruditorium lately?)

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, part 2 follows!