LNH: Possum-Man: Relinquished #6: Possum-Man Minus Possum-Man

[Andrew Perron]

On Friday, July 6, 2012 1:20:38 PM UTC-4, Mitchell Crouch wrote:
> ~ * PREVIOUSLY IN POSSUM-MAN: RELINQUISHED... * ~

WOO YEAH

> His adversaries DUCK McMUCK, GREEN-ON-BLACK and THE WHITE BOOMER have been
> taken into custody by police officer HANK, along with DAVID SAWLEY, who's
> just kind of a douche to both Sticks and the Possum-Man, much to the dismay 
> of Sawley's son DEANO.

Just pointing out the wonky smart quotes here. I'll try and edit such out from here on out.

> Also Sawley works with MONICA JADE, Sticks' ex-girlfriend who has just 
> returned from years away in Ame.rec.a, for unknown reasons not at all plot-
> related, mysteriously turning up at roughly exactly the same time as the 
> Vixen.

How amazingly coincidental!

> For those confused about continuity, the events of Possum-Man: Relinquished
> take place before Infinite April.

Hm, yes yes *edits wiki*

> ----=== {PM} ===----
> _____         ___  ____
> \  _ \        \  \ \  /
>  ||_||         ||\\ ||
>  | _/          || \\||  O
>  ||   OSSUM-MA ||  \ |  O
> /__\          /__\  \|
> 
>     RELINQUISHED
>                     666
>  An ongoing        6
>     LNH SERIES     6666
>          by        6   6
>    MITCHELL CROUCH  666

Ooooooooh, ahhhhhh <3

> The cover is that of the famous "I AM SPIDER-MAN NO MORE", but 
> 'Spider-Man' has been crossed out with what appears to have been a cheap 
> permanent marker, with 'POSSUM-MAN' substituted in its place. Nothing else 
> has been changed.

*draws over the Spidey costume with brown crayons, gives Peter Parker plaid pants*
 
> Sawley scoffed. He rolled his eyes from Mumiyah to Sticks, scoffed again, 
> and rolled them back to Mumiyah. And then scoffed. And rolled his eyes. And 
> scoffed again. Popping his collar, he took his son's hand and lead him into 
> the museum.

Thus, we see the spectacular mating dance of the douche.

> Sticks considered this. This explained a lot. When he, as Possum-Man, had 
> been trying to find Deano at school, he's been unable to do so. If the boy 
> was homeschooled, his absence from the school system made more sense.

Of course, it's all so SIMPLE!

> The question caught Sticks off guard, and he blushed under his heavy clown 
> make up. "No not at all I don't even care even a little bit about net.heroes 
> and I don't see why I would," he replied quickly, his eyes darting from side 
> to side.

Sticks Tarqcheviskison: IMPENETRABLE alter ego.

> "What do you mean, he escaped?" Stones asked incredulously as he, Sticks and 
> Monica walked down a street together.  I'm pretty sure that 'incredulously' 
> is the right word to use there. Hang on, I'm just going to google it.
> 
> Yep, okay, I was right. Man I'm out of practice at this.

Ganbatte, Tarq-kun!

> "I wouldn't know because I wasn't there," interrupted Sticks, who, in fact, 
> had been there as Possum-Man. "I wasn't anywhere near the place at the time. 
> Nope. Because I'm just, y'know, just me. Not anyone else, or anything. 
> Certainly," he began to laugh nervously, "certainly not Possum-Man! Nope. I 
> don't even- what _is_ Possum-Man, you know? Is that... is that a thing? I
> wouldn't know, because I don't care, and even if I did, and Possum-Man was a 
> thing, which, I don't know, it probably isn't, I'm not him. It. Or 
> anything."

IMPENETRABLEEEEEEEEE

> Stones nodded silently to himself. As always, Sticks had a good point, and
> orated it in an exceptionally clear and straightforward manner.

Heeheehee

> It's true; you heard it here first, you guys. Possum-Man friggin' loves 
> tacos.

Friggin' awesome.

> Accordingly, the trio entered the El Taco Taco Bar for their tacos. Stones, as the last one in, held the door open for the gentleman behind him.
> 
> "Thanks!" said the gentleman through his balaclava. "Okay folks, this is a 
> hold up!

*snerk*

> The last time," the man chuckled to himself, "the last time I did this, the 
> people just, you know, they weren't very efficient at it, and I got all 
> pissy, and I... haha... and, ah..." The man took a moment to calm his 
> laughter. "And I had to shoot them all! Oh man, it was a nightmare, let me 
> tell you. Blood and brains -- everywhere. Total horror show.

How Spitzer-esque. XD

> The man held the bag out to Sticks and shook it. "Look! If I shake it, it 
> makes it more enticing!"

My god! It's almost... hypnotic!

> Sticks stood there for what seemed like an eternity. To his right, Moni
> glared at him with what seemed like the same ruthless, calculating eyes that 
> the Vixen had stared him down with. The similarities were only enhanced by 
> the fact that both Monica and the Vixen shared the same shade of red hair, 
> and were like, exactly the same height and build. It was such a bizarre 
> coincidence.

What an absolutely strange yet also absolutely irrelevant occurrence!

> "Yaaay!" they cheered. "Yay for not getting shot because we were smart 
> enough to leave everything to the professionals instead of taking matters 
> into our own hands like unorganised vigilantes! Yaaay!"

Oh my. XD

> "Come on," whispered Monica, handing Sticks his phone and wallet from the 
> bag, "come on, Sticks. I've called the ambulance, they're on their way. Come 
> on. Just leave it to the professionals."

Dun dun dunnnn...

> Well there we go! It's been one month short of four years coming, but the next issue of Possum-Man: Relinquished is finally up. It, uh... it probably wasn't worth the wait?

Oh, but I must disagree!

> Yay for the LNH, and more goofiness will ensue -- I SWEAR IT.

WOO

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, phasing