LNH20: The Great Catastrophe #3 (Spoon of Destiny Tie-In!)

James Mason mason.james.jamesmason at gmail.com
Thu Jan 19 16:56:17 PST 2012


Yeah, no.


Sorry, this isn't the 9th chapter of the Spoon of Destiny Saga.


Yes, I did, but then I went in a different direction and now it's just 
a tie-in to the Spoon of Destiny Saga.


                        The Great Catastrophe #3                        


"Actually, yes, you can help me," said David. "My name is David Kemono, 
and I was wondering if you could tell me were I am?"

"You are in the Legion of Net.Heroes' Headquarters.  If you have an 
emergency or have recently manifested a net.human power, please sign 
these forms." The secretary pulled on a nearby rope. A trapdoor opened 
up in the ceiling and a load of papers larger than David's body dropped 
out. Of course, he dodged, but that was still rude!

"I guess that's reasonable. Let's see..." He pulled a random piece of 
paper from the pile. "Name... Address... Oh, that reminds me! I need to 
get to a phone and see if Vivian is okay. Is there a phone around 

"Sure, I got one," said Kindle as she handed him her cell phone.

"Hey than-- What year is this?" questioned David.

"Oh, a time traveler, are you? We get dang frickin' lots of those. The 
year is 2012."

"Nah, I'm just kind of used to this. So, twenty-one years? Huh, wonder 
what I've been doing all that time. Let's see, how do you use this?"

"...y'know what, let me just set the clanking clattering cacophony up 
for you." And so she does.

"Wow, this is a friendly place!"

Meanwhile, in the cafeteria...

"Now, you lemurs give back that food. I don't want anyone one getting 
hungry," said the Sous-chef Supreme.

STEW!!" outraged his assistant.

"Well, not everyone would want lemur stew. And besides, where are we 
going to get the mango juice for that?"

"WE-- wait, what?" said the assistant before slamming into a support 

Back at the altar - er, the front desk, David was doing the phoney 

"...hello, you have reached the house of a fairy. If this is David,
 please come back here after you are done time traveling after the 
 beep." Beep!

"Wait I'm still time traveling?" David exclaimed. "Well, okay, I'm 
not-- well, technically we *all* are, but that's not what I mean. The 
point is, this hasn't happened before."

"It hasn't?" inquired Kindle.

"No; usually, if I haven't travelled very far into the future or past, 
then Vivian would say I'm with her, or something along those lines. Or 
if I *have* traveled far enough, then she's with the Catastrophe of 
that time."

"Wait, who?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm a net.hero.  My hero name is The Great Catastrophe--"

"Sounds like a villain name."

"...huh. Now that I think about it yeah it does. Anyway--"

"Hey, what's going on here!?" shouted Pantra excitedly.

"Hey, you're like me! Oh, wait, I'm still wearing the coat." So he 
stripped for her.  At least, to the extent of his coat and hat. He 
isn't Nudist Man, people.

"Oh, so you got your powers from some sugar-kickin' magic spirit too?" 
Kindle asked, because this story is not in a vacuum.

"Naw, I got mine from someone who died," he said casually.


"As in I was around when he died."


"I found him dying."

"Oh, thank &%#!," Pantra sighed.

"Anyway, I need a ride to my place.  It's not too far from... Actually, 
where are we?"

"Currently, we are in New York. The state, not the city," the 
receptionist pointed out.

"Oh, good, that's not very far away from where I live. It's in This 
City, California."

"How the fiddlesticks is that close?"

"Hey, it's in the same country."

"...anyways, I can take you there in my flight.thingy," suggested 

"Well... okay, but no shipping on the way there!"


"And that's why I never pet turtles," explained David.

"I can never look at turtles the same way again," Pantra said.

"Well, here it is." David pointed out the window.

"Why do you have a sign that says 'David's house' on it?" said a 

"Look, anything can happen. When you've seen the stuff that I've seen, 
you'll know that the sign is way beyond necessary."

Suddenly the door opens to reveal a woman in white clothing, with aqua 
colored (coloured for you Commonwealth folk) hair. "David! Back so 

"Hey, Vivian! Sorry for time traveling and leaving you to take the slow 
route, again."

"Oh, that's all right. Sorry for having to sell off most of the stuff 
you collected in your travels!"

"Oh, well that's-- what!?"

"Come inside and I'll tell you everything."


"So that's what happened in the intervening time?" asked David.

"Yep, something happened that caused superpowers to disappear and then 
was undone."

"So what happened to David's stuff?" pondered Pantra.

"I said I sold it! Why does no one pay attention to me?" Vivian angsted 

"Well, who did you sell the gear *to*?" inquired David.

"Oh, some guy who called himself Gold Farmer or something. The point 
was, he had a lot of money and I needed that money."

"Why didn't you get a job? I had one while I was heroing!" exclaimed 

"Well, I was going to get around to it at some point. Anyway, I managed 
to hang on to three of your weapons; the guitar, the ice cream spoon, 
and the gun."

"Wait, did you say spoon!?" asked Pantra.

"Yeah, what about it?" Vivian said.

"We've been searching for the Spoon of Destiny! Is there any chance 
that *your* spoon could be it!?"

"Well, it can freeze things, and shoot ice everywhere, and is great for 
cooling soda if you don't have any ice," said David.

"...no, that doesn't sound like the Spoon of Destiny at all," said 

"What does this Spoon of Destiny do?" asked Vivian.

"Vague plot stuff."


"Welp, might as well take what's here and... what was I going to do?" 
asked a confused David.

"Join the LNH," said Pantra.

"Is that what I was going to do?" again asked a confused David.

"Yeah, that's what all that &%#!ing paper work you were going to sign 
would do."

"Oh, well! That sounds like a good idea!"

"What about your house?" asked Vivian.

"Eh, I haven't been here for over 20 years. I think it's time to move 
out," David said.


Writer's note: Well this WAS meant to be a chapter of the spoon of 
destiny saga, however I realized something extremely shocking! I WAS 
FOCUSING TOO MUCH ON DAVID! And that's why this is a tie in to the 
spoon of destiny saga instead of another chapter.

Editor's Note: Pretty much!

Re:Editor's Note: Pretty much? PRETTY MUCH!? Yep pretty much.

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