LNH20: Bite-Size Tals of the LNH v20 #5: "I Never Metafiction I Didn't Like"

Adrian J. McClure mrfantastic7 at gmail.com
Wed Feb 29 20:06:28 PST 2012

On Feb 28, 10:15 pm, dvan... at eyrie.org (Dave Van Domelen) wrote:
>      Cerberus is the three-headed dog.  Cerebus is the Aardvark for whom
> Cerebus Syndrome and Reverse Cerebus are named.

Uh. Wow, that was an obvious typo. Maybe I shouldn't have written that
so late at night. Or maybe at least waited to post it until I could
check for typos. I'm amazed it's coherent as it is considering I wrote
it at two at night. (I was having difficulty sleeping.) Anyway:

Bite-Size Tales of the LNH v20 #5.5:

"C'mon!" c'moned C'mon, still clucthing the bleeding stump of his arm.
"The dog's supposed to be called 'Cerberus.'"

"Oh, ah, indeed," said Kung Fu Holmes, narrowly escaping the slavering
jaws of the beast. "I can't believe someone of my intellect could make
such an elementary mistake. Unless it was my subconscious trying to
tell me something... Of course! I deduce that this 'Reverse Cerebrus'
is actually my own teammate, Cranium, or Cranium V as he is
intermittently called, under the influence of a Reverse Curse!
Performing a neck pinch should undo the influence of said curse." He
leaped on top of the creature's head, pinching the bases of all three
of its necks in quick succession. It fell to the ground, shimmered,
and transformed into Cranium, who was wearing his deerstalker hat.

"Holmes," said Cranium.

"Cranium," said Holmes.

"Oh no," said Fearless Leader, watching from the conference room. The
leaders had put quite a lot of effort into keeping the teams two
supergenius detectives as far apart as they could. Not the least
because, with two individuals of such powerful intellect and ego in
close contact with each other, there would be considerable pressure
for them to become adversaries, leading to at least one of them
becoming a villain.

"Shouldn't you be off having wacky adventures with your villainous
roommate in a mansion somewhere?" said Cranium.

"I think you must have me confused with someone else," said Kung-Fu

"Wait, what's he talking about?" said the Counter-Clipper, who was
annoyed for reasons he couldn't quite figure out. If he had been
fourth-wall aware, he would have recognized it as being due to his
author knowing nothing about wargames and therefore having nothing for
him to do.

"Actually," said Explain-The-Joke Lass, "the inhabitants of Earth-20
have limited awareness of the Classic LNH, to the extent that some of
its most popular and well-regarded series are a part of its popular
culture, in distorted form. For instance, _Aeneas and Ferris_ is a
wildly popular TV series, while _Misfits_ is a series of young adult
novels of which Nerf Girl is a fan."

"What on Earth are you talking about?" said Cranium. "And how did you
get here?"

"I'm not entirely sure," said Explain-the-Joke Lass. "I have limited
omniscience giving me the knowledge necessary to allow me to explain
any joke, but do not retain it, much like Footnote Girl, if she exists
in this continuity. As for what I am doing here, I came to deliver a
message. The aliens who were attacking are members of the Puppy
Empire. My own investigations have uncovered the fact that this
orphanage was a front for one of their oldest enemies, the Death
Kittens, descended from a Herald of Longcaticus."

"Death... Kittens? I don't like the sound of that," said C'Mon, just
before a floating kitten with glowing red eyes ripped his other arm
off. "C'mon!" he said, hoping the LNH could give him some decent

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