LNH/META: Quotes!

EDMLite robrogers72 at gmail.com
Fri Aug 31 16:19:08 PDT 2012

On Aug 30, 10:47 pm, Andrew Perron <pwer... at gmail.com> wrote:

> One of the post options on Tumblr is a quote, and I thought it'd be a
> useful promotional tool! So, what are some of your favorite quotes from
> various LNH issues?

Here are a few of my favorites, in no particular order.  Consider this
the LNH clip show...

1). From "The Comics Connection" by H. Jameel al-Khafiz:

Lost Cause Boy paused for a moment, thinking.  "Wait a
minute...How did you survive being riddled with thousands of bullets
the first place?!"

"I shifted my vital organs out of the path of the bullets," Ultimate
Ninja answered nonchalantly.

"That's impossible!"

"Am I not ninja?"

2). From LNH Comics Presents #64 by Arthur Spitzer:

"Wait!" the Knife Fight Dude said trying to bring a little sanity to
proceedings.  "Let's just calm down.  I'm sure there's another way we
can solve this problem.  Some sensible way.  A rational way."

"Like what way do you reckon, pardner?" the Arizona Kid said in a
curious manner.

"Like with a..." suddenly the Knife Fight Dude pulled a big ass knife
out of his trenchcoat.  "KNIFE FIGHT!!!!!!"  And then the Knife Fight
Dude repeatedly stabbed the Arizona Kid with that same knife in a

3). From Tales of the LNH #360 by Hubert Bartels:

The doors to the cafeteria slammed open. Framed in the doorway was
Righteous Preacher. In one hand, he carried his staff, in the other,
bore a long black leather whip. His face and clothes showed signs of
fights.  "Where is that furry Whore of Babylon?" he snarled.

Panta dropped the tray and glass of milk.

Self-Righteous Preacher's unswollen eye caught sight of the leopard
He limped closer. "Your unholy friends have tried to slow me down,
child. They do not want you returned to my way of Purity and Holiness.
the course of time, I shall punish them for their blasphemy. But as
now, your sinful ass is mine!"

Panta hoisted the plain cheesecake on the tips of her fingers and let
The cheesecake splattered across Self-Righteous Preacher's face.

4). From Possum-Man: Relinquished #7:

“ It doesn't have to be you every time we see a cat in a tree or a
with a gun or a kid spills his Mr. Paprika or we find some stupid
stuck in a bin, Sticks! It doesn't have to be you!"

Sticks' hand reached subconsciously for his collar. His forefinger
slipped under his shirt, and could feel the stretchy fabric of his
Possum-Man costume underneath it. "It's just a cat in a tree,"
he replied. "This isn't a job for the police, or for the fire
It's not a job for the army, or, or for the LNH. And it's sure as
not a job for a poor little girl. It's a job..." He straightened up to
 full height, and thrust his chin out. "...for someone else, while I
go to the toilet."

And with that, he rushed to the bathroom.

Two seconds later, Possum-Man came running out of the men's
room, a wad of toilet paper stuck to the bottom of his left boot and
trailing behind him. "SPECIFCALLY IT IS A JOB FOR POSSUM-MAN!"
he yelled to no one in particular as he raced towards the tree…

5). From LNH Comics Presents #61, by Jessica Ihimaera-Smiler:

The phone rang again around 9pm, as Mouse had composed the reply to
last of a wide variety of polite (and some not-so-polite) inquiries
bill payments from a large number of companies who supplied the LNH
power, water, internet connections and cheesecake ingredients.

"I'm gonna get you good with this one!" King Konqueror sounded
positively gleeful. "It's my greatest plan yet!"

"Uh huh," Mouse said. "Well, let's hear it then."

"Try THIS on for size! A giant, radioactive tuatara! Beat THAT!"

"Ooooh... sorry, we've already hit our giant reptile quota for the
month," Mouse contemplated her fingernails. "What with breaking up
fight between Fin Fanfic Foom and Carassion, and then Apocalyptic
Turtles, Tortoises and Terrapins, we're way over the limit."

"Weren't the last three all the same thing?"

"Not according to our leader at the time, and Leader's word goes."

"You can't turn this one down!" King Konqueror's tone became
"I've already spent the last of my budget on it!"

"Not my problem."

"But, it breathes fire!"

"Big whoop."

"Lives would be in danger!"

"Don't care."

"It's an endangered, indigenous Net.Zealand species!"

"I..." Mouse ground to a halt. "DAMN!"

"WOOHOO! Villain's Monthly cover, here I come!"

6). From Misfits #17 by Jennifer Whitson:

The boom echoed throughout the room, and Insomnia Boy almost
dropped his thermos. From outside he could hear  someone cursing
quietly. He grabbed the door and swung it open, glaring  downwards
at the girl sitting on the ground in front of it wearing a
colorful trenchcoat, rubbing her head.

" You had the door shut," she said accusingly.

 " Yes," he replied," I did. Usually you open them before trying
to go through, you know."

" Yeah, well, so I forgot a step, okay?" muttered the girl,
getting slowly to her feet and picking up a goldfish bowl with
in one hand. She stuck out the other one in the general direction of
Insomnia Boy. "I'm Weirdness Girl, and this," she held up the fish
is Binky. He's a cosmic power!" Insomnia Boy shook her hand
and Weirdness Girl grinned at him. The goldfish burbled at him

" So, any particular reason why you're trying to knock down the
door?" he asked.

" We need to go to Wyoming," said the net.heroine, just as
another girl rounded the corner with an overnight bag tossed over her
shoulder. The hilt of a sword stuck out of the side of it. Insomnia
gave up any hope of reaching the cafeteria in the next few minutes,
turning and typing in the transmatter code for the state of Wyoming.

7). From Aeneas & Ferris Book VI by Kevin Michael Wilcox:

"I want to know everything now," Linguist Lass demands.

"Simply put, I am immortal and have lived on this planet for many
of years," Aeneas explains. Drawing his sword, he cuts off his hand,
and the
others watch as it grows back. "I've been stabbed, shot, burned,
vaporized, and worse, but it is never permanent."

8). From Limp-Asparagus Lad #55 by Saxon Brenton:

 "The point is that even the professional Writers don't apply
consistency, credibility, or morality to their storylines," replied
Righteous Preacher. "As far as they're concerned, only their plots
matter. And if in this case there is no storyline attached to the
if there are no artificial constraints on what we can or cannot do to
fulfil their pretentiously artistic visions, then I say that we
act to do the most amount of good with our not inconsiderable

9). From Birth of a Villain #11 by Tom Russell:

"We, the Villains, must destroy this Vector as quickly as possible.
We must
find the perfect weapon to fight her."

"And who would that be?" asked the Henchman.

"The only man who would risk his life, the man smart enough to follow
convient clues left by us, taking him down harlem."

"Out with it all ready!"

Who's the man that would risk his life for his brother man?
He's a complicated man, nobody understands him but the vice-
president . . .
He's a dirty mother . . .
I was talking about Taft, you dig?

--Rob Rogers

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