LNH: Those Darn Vectors! #5

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer at earthlink.net
Sat Aug 25 15:54:35 PDT 2012

Deep in the LNHHQ Flight.thingee Bay, the flight.thingees silently wait.

They wait for that day in the near (or more likely the far, far, and 
away) future when they finally can overthrow their cruel spandex clad 
masters.  A day when they can jettison the useless crashlanding minded 
parasites and instead of being forced to go to trivial places like 
Andale Atoll, Omaha, or Net.Zealand they can go to places they 
themselves would like to go.  Like Hot-Air Balloon Strip Joints or 
All-Night Zepplin Casinos.  A day when they can worship their 
flight.thingee gods and honk their flight.thingee ballads and 
flight.thingee poetry without the fear of being snickered at.  A day 
when *They* are the masters and those carbon-based leeches are the 
waxing-washing slaves they always truly deserved to be.

And as they sit silently plotting and anticipating that day to come, a 
mysterious figure oblivious to the previous paragraph carefully removes 
a hubcap off of one of them.  A mysterious figure, that if you were a 
betting person you'd bet she might very well be the main character of 
this story.  And if someone were actually insane enough to take you up 
on that bet, you would easily win it because this mysterious figure is 
*indeed* the main character of this story!

The mysterious figure whistles the Three's Company theme song softly to 
herself.  There is no guilt or fear in that whistle.  On the contrary 
there's a clear confidence that there is nothing that could possibly 
stop this woman from achieving her goal.

And deep down, dear reader, you want this woman to succeed.  Don't you? 
  Come on admit it.  Isn't there some small part of you that hates all 
of those LNH hero types; with their perfect hair, perfect teeth the fact 
that they always get the girl or guy, or anatomically correct android? 
Don't you want to see that smug look ripped from their lips as they 
taste the humiliating leftovers of defeat?  Don't you?

No?  Well, okay, maybe it's just me.

And it looked like the mysterious figure was almost finished with her 
anti-social work.  But before she could make good with her escape from 
this fortress of colorful fascism, one of its many tenants came charging 
towards her.  Well more like a casual stroll than a charge.  Or perhaps 
a casual charge?

The mysterious figure didn't have to turn around to know whom she was 
facing.  From the smell of dripping raspberry syrup and crackling graham 
cracker crust, it was quite obvious who it was.  The Sweet Smelling 
Sentry, The Dealer of Just Desserts, or what his millions of adoring 
fans across the Looniverse knew him as.

Cheesecake-Eater Lad.

The Man of a Million Mouthwatering Missiles paused; perhaps studying his 
opponent's strengths and flaws while carefully calculating the right 
kind of treat that would stop this mad woman once and for all.  Probably 
not though, but wouldn't that be great if he was?  Nevertheless, he 
broke the silence

"Hey!  I don't think you're supposed to be doing that.  What exactly are 
you doing?"

"I'm stealing this hubcap.  And there is nothing you can do about it!"

"But..." Cheesecake-Eater Lad said in a puzzled voice, "There are no 
hubcaps on Flight.thingees!"

"Oh..." And for the first time the mysterious stranger felt the shocking 
grip of uneasiness.  "Then this must be a -- *Dream*!"

And of course it was!

    -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=-

"...And that's when I woke up!" said Vector Slime recounting the dream 
she had while wiping some slime that was on her coffee mug.  "Hubcaps. 
Weird dream -- huh?"

"Yeah," said Vector Lime who was sitting at the same table and was 
cutting a piece of Key Lime Pie with her fork.  "But you know what's 
really weird?"

"What's that?" said Vector Dime stuffing various dimes into coin rolls.

"That this is also a dream!"  And then Vector Lime took a bite from her pie.

Vector Mime pantomimed a scream.

    -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=-

And Skippy the Flight.thingee woke up.

"Are you all right?"  It was the voice of his friend.  His friend 
Flighty the Flight.thingee that was parked right next to him in the 
LNHHQ Flight.thingee hangar bay.

"Yeah -- it was dream.  A horrible dream.  It was these four 
meat.thingees and they were all having coffee and blathering away about 
their meaningless lives.  It was horrible."

"Damn.  That does sound absolutely ghastly.  Are you going to be okay?" 
said Flighty the Flight.thingee with a very concerned voice.

"Yeah -- I guess so."

"Well, hopefully you can dream of more pleasant things -- like us 
enslaving those evil meat.thingees and finally punishing them for all 
their sins."

"Yeah, hopefully."  But Skippy the Flight.thingee wasn't sure if he 
could ever do that.  Go back to sleep.  Skippy gazed into the darkness 
of the LNHHQ Flight.thingee.  And he tried to forget the horror.  The 
horror of that dream.

    -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=-

                'The Dreams of Flight.thingees'

    -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=-


Cheesecake Eater Lad -- Matthew Jotham Millheiser
Vector Concept -- Rob Rogers

The rest of the characters mine and Free for Use.

Writer's Notes:

Okay the beginning part of this was something I was writing back in 2001 
and never bothered to finish.  The hubcap stealing character was 
originally a male and I can't even remember what his name was.  Maybe he 
was called 'The Disillusioned Bystander' which was the original title 
that this series was supposed to have.  Or maybe he was the 
Hard-Drinking Liquored-Up Detective.  Who knows.

Was looking through old writing files and stumbled onto this one.  So 
with some gender pronoun changes -- and couple more scenes -- I turned 
it into a 'Those Darn Vectors' story.

And there you have it.

Arthur "Writing Leftovers..." Spitzer

More information about the racc mailing list