RACCCafe: RACCCafe -- 'Waiting for RACCon 2012!'
arspitzer at earthlink.net
Mon Apr 23 18:57:33 PDT 2012
'Waiting for RACCon 2012!'
"Hello, rec.arts.comics.creative Readers!" said a cheerful woman with a
microphone gazing at you the reader (gazing right into your soul -- you
cannot escape her gaze no matter how hard you try -- no, you can't -- so
stop trying!). "This is Wanda Spot bringing another 'On the Spot'
report! I'm right here outside the RACCCafe only less than a week
before the RACCon to end all RACCon's begins! RACCon 2012!! And as you
can see there's already a huge line of fans just waiting to get in the
Convention Center so that they can register!! And many are dressed as
their favorite RACC characters! How about you, sir," she said looking
at the man standing at the front of the line, "Which RACC character are
you dressed as?"
"'El Tonto Que Babea' (The Fool who Drools) from the greatest RACC
miniseries ever -- The Golden LNH-Men!! Brett N. Vision rocks!!" said
the grotesquely dressed man.
"Ah, Golden LNH-Men -- how do you feel about this new 'LNH-Men: The
'Milking Them For All They're Worth' Age' event that Pseudo-Random House
is coming out with? (Pseudo-Random House the company that screwed Brett
N. Vision out of all his rights to the Golden LNH-Men characters)."
"It's a travesty! Only Brett N. Vision should ever write Tonto Que
Babea!! I just hope he comes to RACCon so he can sign all of my Golden
LNH-Men issues!! And give me some free sketches!"
"That's probably unlikely as Brett N. Vision is a hermit and a recluse
who refuses to leave the confines of his own gigantic magic beard -- But
who knows -- Stranger things have happened. And how long have you been
standing in line Mister...?"
"Standing-In-Line Man, Miss. And how long have I been standing in line?
Well, probably since -- umm -- '96. Yeah, that's right -- '96."
"'96? Really? Wow. That's a long time. For this Con?"
"Well, back then I was standing for RACCon '96. That was a glorious
time to be a RACC reader. I was going to college and my hair was a lot
shorter than it is now days. So anyway me and some buddies of mine made
the trip here so we could wait in line and be the first ones in. And
this was back in the days when there was no RACCafe so the scenery was
even more boring than it is now days. Anyway to make a long story short
-- we waited like a week, but we didn't get in. They cancelled RACCon '96."
"That must have been very disappointing."
"It was -- let me tell you. But you know -- if life gives you lemons --
well you do something with lemons. Anyway, a lot of people who were
standing in front of me left after they cancelled -- so I found myself
first in line. And I figured -- Hey, since I'm here -- might as well
just wait for the next one -- and so I waited a year for RACCon '97."
"And how did that work out?"
"Not good -- they cancelled RACCon '97 too. But I didn't let that deter
me and I decided to wait for RACCon '98. And you know what -- something
"They didn't cancel RACCon '98?"
"No, they cancelled it. Nope, I'm talking about something else. I fell
in love. In love with this girl who was also standing in line -- right
next to me. Standing-In-Line Woman. We both fell in love -- and we
decided there and then that the two of us would wait. No longer how
long it took -- we'd wait even if a million RACCons were cancelled.
Because that's how strong our love was. And we got married -- right
there in the line. And we waited. We waited together."
"Wow. That is such an incredible story."
"And in 1999 something even greater happened."
"You finally got to go to RACCon?"
"No, no. My wife and me -- we had a baby. A baby boy! This baby boy!"
said Standing-In-Line Man pointing to his teenage boy whose hands were
hiding his face. He appeared to be cringing in shame too.
"Standing-In-Line Boy -- oh, and he's wearing a Habeas Corpus costume --
another LNH-Men character!"
"Please someone help me! I don't want to be here!" said
"Hahah! He's such a kidder!" Standing-In-Line Man gave his son an arm hug.
"And where is your wife?" asked Wanda Spot.
"Oh? My wife?" A sad expression hit Standing-In-Line Man's face. "She
-- she's no longer with me."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."
"Yeah. One day she just up and left. Joined some crazy cult and ran
away with them. Some bunch of nutcases that believe waiting in line for
more than hour is stupid. Can you believe that? She changed her name
-- to something like, 'No-Longer-Has-To-Stand-In-Stupid-Lines Woman. I
guess some people just go crazy like that. It's a shame. I loved her
so much. Just a shame."
"Wow. That's a heartbreaking story. And an amazing one -- you've been
standing here all this time waiting for a RACCon that never seems to
come. And how can you be sure it will ever come?"
"Well, sometimes you just got to have faith. And if it doesn't come --
well, part of the fun is waiting in the line. Trading stories with the
other Standers about those years you waited for a RACCon that never
happened. That sort of thing."
"For God's sakes! You're mentally deranged, Dad!" cried
Standing-In-Line Boy. "Please. Just let me leave. And live a normal
life. Just give me the key so I can unlock these handcuffs and..."
Standing-In-Line Man playfully messed with his son's hair. "Nonsense!
Just wait till we get inside -- and you'll see all the great RACC
writers and characters all in the same room. And the comedy antics of
the Cactus Brothers! You can't miss that! Hah, those wacky Cactus
Brothers! With their wacky cactus based humor!! Believe me -- it will
"And so there you have," said Wanda Spot looking back at you the reader.
"A heartwarming story about a Dad and son waiting for a RACCon that
might never actually come and..." And then she looked up into the sky.
"Oh, dear. It appears to be hailing. Fire and Brimstone! Well, I
guess I better get inside. Anyways, I hope to see you here April 29th
at RACCon 2012 in the RACCCafe! Unless it gets cancelled this year too.
Back to you, Hank!"
"I hate you."
***RACCCAFE*** ***RACCCAFE*** ***RACCCAFE*** ***RACCCAFE***
Will Standing-In-Line Man be disappointed again? Well, I guess that
will be up to you people...
Come one -- come all -- to RACCon 2012!
April 29th -- The RACCCafe!
Arthur "Not Standing in line..." Spitzer
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