LNHY: Looniverse Y #11: 'Credit Cry.Sig!'

[Andrew Perron]

On Tue, 17 Apr 2012 04:18:54 +0000 (UTC), Arthur Spitzer wrote:

>                              N U M B E R
> 
>                              E L E V E N

Yes, awesome!

> "Who?" said Trophy Wife who seemed to be nibbling on some Elderly 
> Gentleman's ear.

Oh my.

> "Exclamation!Missy!!!!!!!!!!!!" exclaimed Exclamation!Missy! as she did 
> a back flip.  "Evil Beware!!!!!!!"

I seeeeeee. XD She's not a member, right?

> "Female sidekick, huh?  I need to get one of those for myself one of 
> these days.  One over 18 of course..."
> 
> "Wow," said Trophy Wife rolling her eyes.  "You really have a talent for 
> making every single thing you say creepy and perverse."

Not that she wouldn't take him up on it.

> "Pizza ready!" said a pizza delivery boy from The Fastest Pizza Ever 
> Fast Food Joint who had just teleported into the LNHYQ with the pizza 
> Kid Kicked-Out had just ordered.  In less than a minute.

Now I want to write stories about these guys!

> The pizza delivery boy swiped the card.  "Hmm.  Sorry, sir.  Looks like 
> you're past your credit limit."  The pizza delivery boy took out some 
> scissors.
> 
> "Wait!  You don't need to do that!  Just give it another swipe!  Please!!"
> 
> "Sorry, sir.  Rules are rules."  The pizza delivery boy then sliced and 
> diced the card into oblivion as Kid Kicked-Out watched in horror.

...do people actually do the cutting-up-the-card thing?  I've seen it a
bunch of times in media, but that really seems like the kind of thing
that'd get you sued or assaulted. (Of course, either way, it seems like the
kind of thing that'd happen in the Looniverse.)

> "It was all sorts of things.  Look -- running the LNH is expensive.  I 
> had to pay for salaries -- insurance -- lawsuits -- bribes -- food -- 
> parties -- hookers -- and umm...  It's insane!"

You know, I was wondering how he kept up with the rates quoted in the first
issue.

> <:No.  This is very bad.  Very bad.  You're not dealing with your 
> pitiful Loonited States credit card laws.  No.  You're now within the 
> realm of the Omnilooniversal Credit Bureau.  Right this moment as we 
> speak a team from the Credit Slavers Colony of LownShawrk Number Nine 
> are being sent here -- to find you.  And they're going to want their 
> money.:>

Ohshi--

> <:Then they're going to take you back to one of their forced labor slave 
> mines where you'll be forced to work until you've completely paid up all 
> of your debts.  Shouldn't probably take more that 50 millions years or 
> so.  That's the best-case scenario.:>

OCCUPY BETELGEUSE

> The New LNH Member Detector didn't like where this conversation was 
> going.  Kid Kicked-Out had been easy to control.  But this Pister Y 
> Maprika III?  No, this wasn't good.  It was going to have to put a stop 
> to this.  <:No, I'm afraid you can't do this.  You can only sell the LNH 
> to another member of the LNH.:>

I like how it's clearly just making up rules at this point.

> Kid Kicked-Out gave a sigh of relief.  "So, I guess that's it.  Looks 
> like I'm no longer a member.  Well, it's been fun.  Well, not really."

Honestly, I have to wonder why he didn't try this before!

> What had just happened here?  The New LNH Member Detector sensed the 
> various people in the room.  How had it lost complete control over them 
> so quickly?  It had to do something.  Maybe it could kill them all and 
> start over again.  Maybe.  No.  It was too late.  There was only one 
> thing it could do now.  Only one thing.  Detect.  <:I detect a new LNH 
> Member.  Welcome to the LNH, Pister Y Maprika III.:>  But this wasn't 
> over.  Not by a long shot.  No.  It would find away to get back control. 
>   Yes, it would.

Mwahahaha, long-term plot hooks <3

> "Well, then," said Pister Y Maprika III as he opened a bottle of 
> Champagne he had in one of his pockets.  "I'm the new leader.  Long live 
> the new king."  He smiled as he poured it into a number of glasses.

Oooooh, yes.  Having a plutocrat in charge of the LNH definitely dovetails
nicely with the System Corruptors status quo.

> "Hmm," said Pister Y Maprika III.  "I think I've got a better idea.
> 
> YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY         Looniverse Y         YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
> 
> A half a minute later...
> 
> A Kid Kicked-Out flying out of the door hit the curb on the parking 
> LNHYQ parking lot.  "Ouch."  He got up and dusted himself.  "Well, easy 
> come.  Easy go."

Heeheeheehee. <3

> Well, that should shake things up.

Yes! <3 And quite enjoyably so.  Y stands for yay!

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, and for Ypsilanti!