MISC: One Day at a Time: The Chronicles of Mike Kittyman #21

James Mason mason.james.jamesmason at gmail.com
Sun Oct 23 00:08:18 PDT 2011

                               Chapter 21: 
                           A Nightmare World?

Announcer: And that's what happened. Hope I wasn't too much of a jerk. 
Finding out your girlfriend was in actuality a cheating satanist 
oosball player who was made of rubber, dyed her hair orange and called 
herself Helga when no one was looking-- o-oh, wait we are on? UMMM... 
when we last left our hero he was... PFFF! HAHAHA! Oh, right, that. 
Anyway. Those other people who are not getting comically slapped in the 
face are doing stuff.

The Arch Mage: About... here!

Sir Greg: You sure? You said that about 50 times before we got here.

The Arch Mage: Well, all those places where close to here, at least. 
Maybe this time I'll get it.

Sir Greg: I've played games that didn't have pixel hunts this bad.

The Arch Mage: Okay, now I'll just... Hopefully the thing that made 
Mike disappear will react and hopefully that will be good.

Sir Greg: That's a lot of hoping.

Announcer: So the magic man glows on the whole area and a hole opens up 

The Arch Mage: HA! IT WORKED! Okay, you first.

Sir Greg: Okay, I-- what?

The Arch Mage: Well, yeah. You have regenerating armor. FAST 
regenerating armor! And you punched a crab-tank-thing. I don't think 
anything on the other side can compare to that.

Sir Greg: Well, okay, but if this ends horribly I'm blaming you.

The Arch Mage: Fair enough.

Announcer: And then a rock falls and kills her. I mean, they enter the 
metaphor for a vagina.

Sir Greg: *falls, but catches herself* Oof.

The Arch Mage: *falls and slams on the floor* ..ow. *floats up* I 
hought I could catch myself too.

Sir Greg: It sure is cave in here.

The Arch Mage: Is this some sort of secret underground base?

Sir Greg: It probably wasn't in the city planning thingy.

The Arch Mage: *starts moving forward* Well, whatever it is, it doesn't 
change the f--

Announcer: He stopped because a really fake ghost popped out of nowhere 
and surprised him. I mean, really, do you expect to see ghosts that are 
made of bedsheets in caves?

The Arch Mage: The hell?

The Really Fake (Possibly Zombie?) Ghost: Ooooooo... gooooooooo 
baaaaaaaaaaaaack... ooooooor beeeeee ter- ter- ter- ter- ter- ter--

The Arch Mage: I think it's broken.

Sir Greg: *rips the fuck out of it* It sure is now.

Announcer: And then something weird happens. The Animatronic Ghost 
Thing breaks up into sections, which turn into glowing yellow orbs. 
Then they go into the closest person (Sir Greg). I think she takes it 

Sir Greg: Well... that was a charge.

Announcer: See? I won the bet! Give me 20 bucks.

The Arch Mage: You okay?

Sir Greg: Oddly enough, I feel great. Come on, let's smash some more 
stuff and see what we get!

The Arch Mage: Hang on, I have to-- WAIT, STOP, I HAVE TO SCAN YOU!

Announcer: So she goes and looks for stuff to smash, but only succeeds 
in smashing herself on the walls several times, so she slows down to a 
running-for-normal-people pace. The Arch Mage still can't catch up.

The Arch Mage: Stop, Alex, sto-- quit it! Slow down! I have to check 
and-- LISTEN TO ME! Goddamn it, will you-- *he then crashes into her* 
Oh, you did.

Sir Greg: Shhh! Do you hear that?

The Arch Mage: No. I'm scanning you to see if those yellow glowy things 
harmed you in any way.

Annoying Laugh: *standard Halloween laughing box noise*

Sir Greg: Where is that coming from?

The Arch Mage: Just give me a second and I might do something about 
that, if I don't need to do anything with you.

Annoying Laugh: *standard Halloween laughing box noise*

Sir Greg: *pointing... er... somewhere up at the ceiling* It's coming 
from there!

The Arch Mage: Okay, it seems you are fine. No side effects or damage--

Sir Greg: *Jumps up and smashes the laughing box and the ceiling! Rocks 
fall, but she doesn't die!*

The Arch Mage: ...at the time I scanned you.

Dented Greg: I think I got a headache.

Announcer: SO THEN those glowing yellow balls that may or may not harm 
you come down and are absorbed again by Gregory. (Kind of being greedy 
there.) And the dents are instantly undented.

The Arch Mage: Should have scanned you when you were dented, because 
those things seem to heal you.

Sir Greg: Well, my headache is gone--

The Arch Mage: Ah, a headache remedy that works instantly. Wait 'til 
Coca-Cola hears about this.

Sir Greg: Huh?

Announcer: With that one-liner out of the way, they head on through the 
cave and find a door.

Sir Greg: *Knocks, and by "knocks" I mean "puts her fist through the 
door and pulls it off".* Trick or treat.

Worthless Villain: *reading from a pop-up book* And then Little Red 
Riding Hood said, "What big teeth you have!" And the Big Bad Wolf said 
"The better to eat you with!" And then-- *turns the page and sees the 
woodsman* Ummmm... the wolf eats her... THE END!

Mike: Zzzzzzzzz...

Sir Greg: Mike!

Mike: Zzzz-- huh? *yawns* Hey guys. *easily breaks his bonds.* Huh, 
didn't think I would be able to break that. Should have tried earlier. 
Oh well, lets go!

Worthless Villain: Hey how did you get here? Shouldn't the traps have 
scared you off?

Announcer: So this guy believes that crappy little dollar store looking 
Halloweenish novelty things that wouldn't even bother a newborn are 
SCARY? My god, that's so funny that I can no longer stop smiling. This 
thing may end up damaging my brain.

Mike: *Ingnoring and pushing away the funny guy, but only lightly so he 
doesn't get hurt.* Man, for some reason, I want some candy.

Announcer: Well, I think we should stop here. Frankly, I want to leave 
with my sanity intact, and this whole excursion put me in a good enough 
mood that even an egging and TP'ing of my property won't get me down. 
Happy Halloween, everyone!


Well, kids, wasn't that fun and worth the wait? No it wasn't, because 
you waited too long for a lazy guy to write his crappy fanfic like 
stories that no one asked for! The person who wrote this story should 
feel ashamed that he was so lazy and wrote a half-assed Halloween 
episode full of nothing but corny Halloween jokes and bad spelling and 
grammar! What a jerk!

P. S. The fan on the computer I was using crapped out and now I am 
using a crappier computer (it only has one hard disk drive! D:) SO that 
should explain at least a few of the delays. Not all of them... those 
were due to lazyness.

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