SW10: Summer of Discontent #5: The Strike

Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Tue Oct 4 13:31:54 PDT 2011

On Oct 3, 9:41 pm, Scott Eiler <sei... at eilertech.com> wrote:
> On 10/3/2011 12:01 PM, Andrew Perron wrote:

> > ..."came out?"  I think I'd like more details here, because otherwise,
> > I get mental images that are just a touch disturbing!
> Yeah, I suppose I could word that differently in the rewrite.  It's
> basically the same way Wyatt Ferguson's been body-hopping.  I'd guess
> "phased out" would be the best phrase.

Makes sense.  I imagine him flying out of his chest as a ghostly

> >> The Mighty Tim disappeared in his burst of flame, carrying one Asian
> >> guy.
> > *gasp* Not an Asian guy!
> ... and one you might recognize.  Mighty Tim could tell you more about
> him, and maybe he will in the rewrite, but the narrator wouldn't know.

Heh heh.  It's just a wording thing; I'd put it as "an Asian man".

> >> Then the sky came back!  The people's howling died down.
> >> Mighty Tim asked, "Is that it?"
> >> The Bride said, "Yes.  *New* new orbit."
> > While I seriously do like the limited perspective most of your stories
> > are written in, I feel like this bit really needed to be from the
> > Bride's POV.  It's the climax of the entire storyline, after all, and
> > it happens offscreen.
> Oh, it was onscreen.  It's just that no one could see anything.  Maybe
> Changing the narrator for just that period seems awkward to me.  But the
> main narrator could overhear a bit more of the commentary...

I dunno, I'd call it worth it.  Maybe paste it in as a testimony
gotten later?

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, or not.

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