SW10: Summer of Discontent #5: The Strike

[Scott Eiler]

On 10/3/2011 12:01 PM, Andrew Perron wrote:
> On Oct 2, 9:17 pm, Scott Eiler<sei... at eilertech.com>  wrote:
>
>> Major Terry rowed his ship near the shore, nearest the mile-tall
>> spaceship of The Trillions.  Then he said in a voice not his own, "It is
>> time."
>>
>> Another body came out from his!  It was Ellipsis!
>
> ..."came out?"  I think I'd like more details here, because otherwise,
> I get mental images that are just a touch disturbing!

Yeah, I suppose I could word that differently in the rewrite.  It's 
basically the same way Wyatt Ferguson's been body-hopping.  I'd guess 
"phased out" would be the best phrase.

>> The Mighty Tim disappeared in his burst of flame, carrying one Asian
>> guy.
>
> *gasp* Not an Asian guy!

... and one you might recognize.  Mighty Tim could tell you more about 
him, and maybe he will in the rewrite, but the narrator wouldn't know.

>> Then the sky came back!  The people's howling died down.
>>
>> Mighty Tim asked, "Is that it?"
>>
>> The Bride said, "Yes.  *New* new orbit."
>
> While I seriously do like the limited perspective most of your stories
> are written in, I feel like this bit really needed to be from the
> Bride's POV.  It's the climax of the entire storyline, after all, and
> it happens offscreen.

Oh, it was onscreen.  It's just that no one could see anything.  Maybe 
Changing the narrator for just that period seems awkward to me.  But the 
main narrator could overhear a bit more of the commentary...

>> The Earth's trajectory had indeed been changed.  Earth's orbit would now
>> be 372.5 days, with closest approach to the sun at Earth's old orbit
>> again, on the 23rd of July 2011.
>
> Interesting.  A wider ellipse.

Wider than the original orbit, anyway.

Thanks for the review.

-- 
(signed) Scott Eiler  8{D> -------- http://www.eilertech.com/ ---------

Turns out I'm an anally-fixated oedipal paranoid with 
south-of-the-border schizophrenic delusions...  But never mind, I've 
found me the ideal job.  I'm going to run for President!

- Major Honey, scripted by Grant Morrison, Doom Patrol #46, August 1991.