LNHX: Catalyst Lass #1: LNHX Origins #4
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Fri Nov 11 04:58:23 PST 2011
CATALYST LASS #1
LNHX ORIGINS #4
We all watched what happened on TV. The Legion of Net.Heroes were
attacked and kidnapped by some armored villain during their first
public appearance. It all happened so fast that the local authorities
didn't have any time to react.
"Pa-thetic!" Joy said. "That guy took them down in minutes!"
"We have to do something!" James said.
"Why us?" Joy asked.
"Because it is the right thing to do," Raymond said.
I spoke to Professor Stomper. "Professor, what do you think?"
"Hmm," he said. "I am familiar with the theory of teleportation
technology but I've never seen anything so advanced."
"Do you think you can figure out where he took them?"
The Professor nodded. "I think I can come up with a device that I
could use to track this villain but I would need some time. Maybe
about an hour."
"Fine," I said. "That will give me time to put on my make up."
I went back to my dorm room and put on my make up like I said I
would. Then I squeezed myself into my spandex costume and checked
myself out in the mirror.
"Nobody is ever going to say no to these," I said, referring to my
Double D breasts.
We all got in the Professor's car and rode down to the site of the
Legion kidnapping. The police had cordoned off the area with yellow
crime scene tape but I managed to convince the police to let us
Professor Stomper scanned the area with some device I had never seen
before. "As I thought," he said, "the villain was using retrocotheric
energy to teleport!"
"Retroco-what energy?" James asked.
"Retrocotheric energy," Stomper explained. "It makes quantum
processes possible on the macroscopic scales resulting in phenomena
which would be considered violations of classical physics. It still
isn't possible for something to be in two places at once but it is
possible for an object to be instantly transported from one place to
"Like magic," Raymond said.
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from
magic," the Professor said.
"Isaac Asimov?" I suggested.
"Arthur C. Clarke," he said.
"Okay," I said. "So can we use your retrocotheric energy detector
to figure out where he took the LNH?"
"No," the Professor said, "but what I can do is figure out where he
went and then we can ask him what he did with the LNH."
We all got back in the Professor's car. This time I drove so the
Professor could tell us which way to go. The device led us to the
abandoned warehouse district.
"He's in there," the Professor said, pointing to the nearest
building with the device as he got out of the car.
"Let's go get him," James said as he punched his left palm with his
"Wait," Joy said, "are you guys sure we want to go in there?"
"For once I agree with Joy," Raymond said. "Shouldn't we just call
"Are you sure he is still in there?" I asked the Professor.
"I am quite certain," he said.
"Alright then," I said, "we should go in there while he's still
here. Remember: he can teleport away at any time so we should go
after hm while we know he's still here." Nobody argued with me.
When we got into the building, however, we found Manga Man waiting
for us. Apparently there were cameras monitoring us as we approached
the building. Perhaps we had also set off a silent alarm. Manga Man
apparently didn't see us as a threat so he didn't attempt to flee.
Instead, we saw that he wasn't alone: there were two women and two men
"Allow me to introduce the Four Horsemen of Procrastination:
Amnesia, Angst, Apathy and Anger."
"Wait," Joy said, "why are they called horsemen if they don't have
Manga Man nodded. "I said the same thing!"
"They aren't even all men!"
"I know!" Manga Man shook his head. "Anyway, guys, you deal with
Suddenly, James' attitude changed drastically. "So are you going to
actually do something?" he asked Joy.
"What do you mean?" she asked him.
"I mean you usually just stand there and make sarcastic remarks."
"Oh, well then, I actually am doing something, aren't I?"
"Am I not."
"Am I not," James explained. "The statement is 'I am' so he
question has to be 'Am I not'."
"Why you little--!"
"James! Joy!" Stomper said. "They are using some kind of psychic
attack! Fight it!"
Indeed, I could feel the four of them in my head: Amnesia was trying
to make me forget everything, Angst was trying to get me to remember
trivial things, Apathy was trying to make me not care about anything
and Anger was trying to make me feel angry about everything. They
were all attacking me at the same time... which was a big mistake!
Their powers were cancelling each other out!
"Now it's my turn," I said. "Amnesia! Why are we fighting? I bet
you don't even remember! Angst! What would your parents say if they
saw you now? Wouldn't they be ashamed of you for becoming a villain?
Apathy! Why are you doing this? Are you going to do whatever this
guy tells you to do?"
"What are you doing?" Anger asked. "Stop it!"
"Anger!" I said. "You seriously need to calm down!"
"No!" Anger said. "It feels good to get angry! Why should I stop
feeling angry? You all need to embrace your anger!"
"Raymond," I said. "A little help here!"
"Anger," Raymond said, "why are we fighting? We're all friends
"We're not friends!" Anger said.
"But we could be!" Raymond said. "Isn't that what we all want? To
have friends we can count on for support?"
"Listen to him, Anger," I said.
"Why don't the four of you just go off into a corner and think about
what you've done?" The Four Horsemen of Procrastination did as I told
them to do.
"Good work, Catherine!" Stomper said to me.
"Thanks," I said, "but I couldn't have done it without Raymond. Now
we just need to deal with their leader!"
Manga Man laughed. "And how do you plan to deal with me?"
"You," I said, "are going to take us to where you are keeping the
"And why would I do that?" Manga Man asked.
"Because," I said, "it's the right thing to do." Damn. That was
Manga Man just laughed.
"The LNH aren't here," Joy said. "Perhaps they've already escaped."
"No!" Manga Man insisted. "I still have them locked away!"
"Show us!" Joy said.
"Fine!" Manga Man said. "I will!"
Manga Man teleported the six of us (including himself) to where the
LNH were being held. "There. The LNH is being held in these holding
cells!" he said.
"How do we know the LNH are still in there?" Joy asked. "Maybe
they've escaped already."
"No!" Manga Man said. "They are in there!"
"I don't think so," Joy said. "I don't see them. I don't hear
them. I think they are gone."
"Oh, really?" Manga Man said. "Then watch as I open the cells!
Then you will see that they are inside!"
Manga Man opened the cell doors and Nick Furry, Master Blaster,
Occultism Kid and Irony Man walked out. Master Blaster pointed his
big gun at Manga Man's head. "Now you're going to pay," he said.
TO BE CONTINUED
Professor Stomper based on Doctor Stomper created by T. M. Neeck
Catherine Anne List based on Catalyst Lass created by Elisabeth Riba
Joy Casterwick based on Cynical Lass created by Rob Rogers
James Takato Preponderation based on Kid Enthusiastic created by
Raymond Bingham based on Special Bonding Boy created by Raymond
Manga Man based on Manga Man created by Craig Thomas Judd
Amnesia based on Amnesia created by Jeff Barnes
Angst based on Angst created by Jeff Barnes
Apathy based on Super Apathy Lad created by ag392 of yfn.ysu.edu
Irony Man based on Irony Man created by Doug Moran
Nick Furry based on Nick Furry created by Jeff Barnes
Master Blaster based on Master Blaster created by Robert Ramirez
Occultism Kid based on Occultism Kid created separately by August Paul
Yang and Josh Geurink
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