LNHX: Professor Stomper #1: LNHX Origins #2
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Tue Nov 8 02:13:47 PST 2011
PROFESSOR STOMPER #1
LNHX ORIGINS #2
I was teaching my graduate class of Science and Ethics. I had four
students in that class, Catherine Anne List, Joy Casterwick, James
Takato Preponderation and Raymond Bingham. I was explaining to them
about how ethical behavior could naturally arise due to natural
“I don’t understand,” Joy told me. “Darwin’s idea was that the fit
survive. Doesn’t ethical behavior enable the weaker ones among us to
survive? Isn’t that ultimately bad for a species?”
I smiled. “You misunderstand what Darwin meant by ‘fit to
survive’. He wasn’t talking about individuals. He was talking about
“Fair enough,” she said. “But I still don’t see how helping
somebody else benefits me.”
I nodded. “It’s the principal of reciprocity,” I told her. “You do
something for him and he’ll do something for you. This is good for
the species. A species that instinctively follows the principal of
reciprocity will have an advantage over a species in which individuals
instinctively compete against each other.”
“But competition is good,” Joy told me. “It keeps individuals
strong and is thus good for the species.”
“Is it?” I asked.
“Yes,” Joy said. “It’s the basis of the capitalist system, for
“Ah, yes,” I said. “I am familiar with Smith’s economic theories.
Unfortunately, he was wrong.”
Joy rolled her eyes. “Professor! I didn’t realize you were a
I smiled. “Are you familiar with John Nash and game theory?”
James raised his hand. “Oh, yes, I saw the movie A Beautiful Mind!
He could crack codes so the government wanted him to be a spy.
Except, actually, he was crazy and it was all in his head. Oh, God,
I’m sorry if spoiled the movie for anyone!”
“That’s quite alright,” I said. “You see he realized that there are
two types of games, games with winners and losers and games in which
everyone co-operates. If everybody has the same level of ability then
the first type of game has everybody winning about half the time but
in a game in which people co-operate there’s the possibility that
everybody will win all the time. James?
“Did you see the movie Apollo 13?”
“With Tom Hanks and Kevin Bacon?”
“That’s the one.”
“Yeah. It was pretty good.”
“That was based on a true story. The astronauts needed to work
together in order to survive. If the astronauts had been competitors
and not co-operators then they would have all died.” I smiled.
“Economists use game theory as do business executives and diplomats.
Indeed, anytime you need to negotiate a deal you’ve already lost if
you see the other side as a competitor. You need to negotiate a deal
that benefits both sides.”
“Why?” Joy asked.
“Because businesses, countries, even species, all thrive on
diversity. Consider Nash himself. He was mentally ill. He couldn’t
function without help. And yet society needs brilliant people despite
“Like Steven Hawking,” Catherine suggested.
“Exactly! Another good example. People like him and Hawking have
unique abilities. Society needs people like that. Our society –our
very species- would be at a disadvantage if all of us were the same.
We need different people with different abilities helping each other.”
“Sort of like when Irony Man helps people,” Catherine suggested,
“because he can.”
“We should do that too,” Catherine suggested.
“Do what?” Joy asked.
“We should be heroes and help people.”
“Are you joking?” Joy asked.
“Catherine is right,” Raymond said. “We should all love one another
and help each other.”
“Yeah, well, it’s always good to hear the opinion of our resident
flower child. Seriously, Catherine, what are you on about?”
“I mean,” Catherine said, “that Toony Stork is smart. He built a
suit of armor and he uses it to help people. Well, we’re smart,
aren’t we? So we should do something to help people.”
“She’s right,” I said. “The idea that we need to compete has led to
too many wars. We have peace in Europe now because Europe had the
European Economic Community, which is now the European Union. People
who co-operate do not go to war.”
“What’s that got to do with putting on spandex costumes and fighting
“I don’t know if that’s what Catherine is suggesting.”
“Why not?” Catherine said.
“Um, maybe the fact that we’re not the police?” Joy said.
“Not being the police has advantages. People don’t trust the
police. But people trust us.”
“Yes,” Catherine said, “because we’re smart. People trust smart
people because they think smart people are always right.”
“So if we were to talk to a villain he would always believe us
because we sound smart and therefore must know what we are talking
“Even when we’re lying and don’t have a clue what’s going on?”
“This is stupid.”
“Actually, I think Catherine is on to something,” James said.
“What does that mean?” he asked.
“You always agree with her because she’s got big tits.”
“Well, sure,” Catherine says. “One way or another everybody agrees
with me whether it’s because of what I say or how I look.”
“Well, it’s not happening this time,” Joy said flatly.
And yet, one week later, there we were.
“I don’t know how you talked me into this,” Joy said.
“I always get people to do as I say,” Catherine said, confidently.
Joy stared at Catherine’s breasts, which were now wrapped tightly in
spandex. “Maybe I’m a lesbian. That’s the only way to explain why I
would agree to this.”
“There’s nothing wrong with giving into your feelings,” Raymond
“Ray, please! I was joking.” She took another look at Catherine’s
breasts. “I think.”
“Okay, this is it,” Catherine said. “The men in the bank are
holding hostages. The police have agreed to let us handle it. What
I’m going to do is walk into the bank and talk to them.”
“That’s it?” Joy asked. “That’s the plan?”
“I want to go in with you!” James said.
Catherine shook her head. “I have to go in alone for now. If we
all go in at the same time then the hostage takers will get spooked.
You guys wait here and I’ll let you know if I need any help.”
“Right,” Joy said. “I’ll be ready with a first aid kit. I have to
tell you though: this will be my first time treating bullet wounds. I
don’t know if I’ll be mush use.”
“Ha ha,” Catherine said. “Wish me luck.” Catherine entered the
“Professor!” Joy said. “Are you really going to let her go through
“She already entered the bank,” I said.
“You do realize that you are the adult here and we’re just kids?”
“You’re all responsible adults,” I said.
“Are you sure? Catherine just walked into a tense hostage
situation! She’s probably going to get killed!”
“They’re coming out!” the police announced.
“What?” Joy asked.
“The hostages are coming out! I think that’s all of them! Now the
bank robbers are coming out. Miss List is with them.”
Catherine walked back over to us.
“How?” Joy asked.
“I just told them they should let the hostages go and give up. And
Joy rolled her eyes. “It’s got to be the breasts.” She shook her
Professor Stomper based on Doctor Stomper created by T. M. Neeck
Catherine Anne List based on Catalyst Lass created by Elisabeth Riba
Joy Casterwick based on Cynical Lass created by Rob Rogers
James Takato Preponderation based on Kid Enthusiastic created by
Raymond Bingham based on Special Bonding Boy created by Raymond
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