LNH/NTB/LNHY: Beige Midnight #8: PLANET MUHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!! I: "They Mite Be Rulers" (1/3)

[Arthur Spitzer]

[Warning:  Since there are NTB'rs in this issue it is recommended that 
small children, small animals, god fearing folks, pregnant women, and 
popes should not read or even think about this issue.  Only those who 
have gazed into the abyss should go any farther...]

[Cover:  Mynabird stands on top of a symbolic representation of a very 
beige Loonivearth stabbing a flag that reads, 'Bryttle is the Future' 
into it.  Cracks run down the globe.  Surrounding the globe is every 
single member of the Legion of Net.Freedom Lovers flying towards the 
reader as if to beat the holy crap out of him (or her).  The globe has 
an evil grin and a goatee.  Underneath it in bold letters is the 
caption, 'They Mite Be Rulers!']

[Variant Cover 1:  A room filled with Trenchcoaters.  Each one giving 
the reader an obscene gesture.  Painted over the Beige Midnight logo is 
"The NTB is here!" in something that looks like blood.]

[Variant Cover 2:  Two girls on beach blankets.  On the bottom: 
'Warning:  There are no girls on beach blankets in this issue, we just 
thought that this cover would sell better than one with Kid Kicked Out 
holding the New LNH Member Detector.']


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The place -- The Streets of Net.ropolis

The time --


                    B     E     I     G     E

           M     I     D     N     I     G     H     T


The number --      E     I     G     H     T




The Writer -- Arthur Spitzer

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

April 2008 --
The Streets of Net.ropolis --

A lady in a cloak walks down a street.  Once upon a time, the cloak she 
wore shrouded her in mystery.  But now it is open and everything is 
revealed to the world as she walks.

And behind her cars burn.  People scream.  Glass is smashed.  Blood is 
spilled.  People laugh.  And people scream.

There is no one there to save all the screaming people.  The people 
jumping off the roofs of buildings.  The people being beaten and raped. 
  To stop the city from burning down.

There are no more heroes in the world.

And once this cloaked woman would have warned the world of all of this, 
but it is too late now.  All she can do now is look as she walks down 
the street at this doomed species call humanity.

Everything is now revealed.

As she walks down the street with her cloak fully opened (revealing a 
rather skimpy looking black leather lingerie outfit with fishnet 
stockings), All-Knowing Last-Chance Whiner Destiny Woman can feel a chill.

And she tries to ignore the screaming.  This screaming world that's 
about to be put out of its misery.  But she can't help it.  She just 
can't help it.

She just has to laugh.


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****




               PLANET MUHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!!
                             PART I


                     'They Mite Be Rulers'




                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The White House --
Washington.gov, DC --

Mynabird looked at the small can of mushrooms in his metal hand.  Why in 
the world was there an entire drawer filled with canned mushrooms?  Oh 
well.  It doesn't matter, he thought as he dropped the can back into the 
drawer and slammed it shut.

And then he looked at the cereal box that was on his desk.  The cereal 
box that had a picture of Easily-Discovered Man Lite grinning on it. 
His concentration was interrupted by a huge stack papers that fell on 
his desk.

"You'll need to sign all of these," said a female voice.  It was a lady 
in a beige pants suit.

"Sign?  I don't have to sign anything.  In fact, Hillary, I'd really 
prefer that..."

"That's Hellary!!  Hellary Clinton!!  Beige Queen of the New and 
Improved HellaryFire Club!!!!"  She had a bit of a cackle after that.

"Right.  Whatever.  All of this doesn't terribly concern me.  This is 
all that matters to me now!"  He pointed to the cereal box.

"Easily-Discovered Bran Flakes?  Didn't they ban this stuff?"

"Maybe.  I don't know.  It's not the box though.  It's him. 
Easily-Discovered Man Lite!!!"

"Okay.  What about him?  He's just some stupid sidekick.  Why are you so 
obsessed with him?"

"Because he destroyed my Universe!!!!!"  Mynabird grabbed the cereal box 
and shoved it into Hillary Clinton's face.  "He destroyed this!!"

"Your Universe is a Cereal Box?  Umm, okay."

"He destroyed my whole civilization.  My friends.  My dearest love." 
Mynabird hit a button on his neck causing his metal head to slide away 
revealing a tiny little command station.  And a glowing little speck 
sitting in a very tiny chair.  "This is who I am!!  Easily-Discovered 
Bran Mite!!!!!"

"Weird.  I -- I actually remember reading about this in the Net.York 
Times -- something about this.  Why did I forget?"

Mynabird pushed the button that returned his metal head.  "I paid off 
Amnesia to wipe the memory of the entire planet (including himself) 
about my identity so it would be a bit more dramatic when I finally did 
reveal my true face to the world.  But now I wonder if it even matters 
anymore."  Mynabird walked over to the bomb proof windows of the Oval 
Office and observed everything that was happening on the White House 
lawn.  "He's out there in space.  I might never see him again.  And all 
of this was for nothing."  He watched various crazed humans infected 
with Dr. Virus Love's virus try to shoot at him and failing that 
shooting at each other.

"I sometimes wonder if by fighting a monster like Lite, I have become a 
monster myself."

"You think?"

"Yeah.  You're probably right.  There's no way I could ever be as evil 
as him.  I mean at least I recycle.  Well, this has been a nice chat. 
Reminds me of some of the chats I used to have with Vector Sublime. 
Wonder where she went off to?  Oh well.  Sorry about this."

"Sorry?  Sorry about what?"

"About killing you," Mynabird said as he blasted Hillary Clinton with 
his metal hand.  "I've revealed a bit too much.  Sorry."

"Was -- a clone -- anyways..." she said before she passed away.

The phone on his desk rang.

"Hello?  What?  They're back?  Yes, good.  Good to hear.  We need to 
call everyone.  Everyone!!  It's Summit Time!!!!"



                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Net.ropolis --
The Beige Clock Tower --

They were hundreds of them.  Maybe thousands.  And they were all waiting.

Vector Sublime looked down upon the thousands of cultists waiting for 
the Bryttle Brothers to wake up as she made her way to the Clock Tower. 
  A tower whose top was beyond the scope of mere mortals and had reached 
the Moon's orbit as it made its journey through space.

It was strangely calm here.  The rest of the world was going insane. 
But here?  They were just calmly waiting.  There were entire families 
here.  Moms, Dads, kids, grandparents -- and the rest.

She looked at the Bryttles asleep on their thrones.  The head of Dekay 
-- a cloud of flies, locusts, and other winged insects had now spread 
all over Net.ropolis.  There was no escaping it.

She could start to hear a chanting.  They were chanting something. 
Sublime.  Sublime.  They were all looking at her now.  Their chants were 
getting louder.

It didn't matter.  They weren't going to stop her.  She paused a bit as 
she reached the door of the Clock Tower.  And then she spread her arms 
and tilted her head back.  A burst of light came from her eyes.

And twelve more Vector Sublimes came into existence.

She looked at the children she had created.  "It is time," she said. 
"It is your time -- for my time is over."

"Who are we?" said the twelve new versions of herself.

"That's up to you.  You can be anything.  You could be me.  You could be 
the opposite of me.  You could be villains.  You could be doctors. 
Teachers.  Housewives.  Artists.  Slaves."  A slight smile made its way 
onto her lips.  "Perhaps even heroes.  You could even go back in time, 
call yourself the Crime Empress, just to confuse the hell out of Andrew 
Perron -- if you want.  It's up to you.  It's all up to you now.  I'm 
leaving."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know."  And with that Vector Sublime turned her head and made 
her way towards the Tower.  Her hand crackled with energy.  And the door 
of the Tower opened.  And she flew in.  And the door closed.

The twelve new versions of the Melissa Virus stared at the tower a bit 
and then at themselves.

And then finally eleven of them flew up into the sky.  Each going a 
different direction.  Each following their own destiny.

The last one floated down with the cultists and sat with them.

She would wait.

Wait for Dekay and Diskolor.



                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Par.OS, France.net --

Mr. Homage stood next to a window sipping a red wine.  He looked out the 
window.  There would be blood.  Yes, there would definitely be blood. 
Lots of blood.  Blood in enormous quantities.

He watched a number of the virus crazed masses erecting what looked like 
a guillotine.  He wondered where they managed to find that.

This was the world that idiot Mynabird had created.  You couldn't 
control this world.  A world without Shepherds filled with sheep.  He 
could work with a world like that.  But that wasn't this world.  This 
was a world with just wolves.  Nothing but wolves.  And without sheep 
the wolves would tear each other to pieces.  That's how this would all 
end.  That idiot.

He never thought he'd ever think such a notion, but he missed the LNH. 
They could stop this.  They could return things to the way they were. 
Bring the sheep back.  But they were gone.  Gone to space.  Maybe never 
to come back.  And the only LNH that was left was a warped virus 
infected version.

"It's crazy out there!!" said Mr. Kid Homage rushing in and then quickly 
locking the door behind him.  "They won't listen to me!!  Don't they 
know I'm their king?!"

"Perhaps you could tell them to eat cake.  That might calm them down."

"What -- what the hell is that supposed to mean, gramps?" said Mr. Kid 
Homage holding the door shut as an angry mob began to pound the door.

Mr. Homage shook his head.  "Ah, you youngsters.  No sense of history." 
  The phone rang and he picked it up.  "Yes?  Speaking.  They're back? 
A Summit?  Yes, I'll be there.  Him?"  An axe head made its way through 
the door Mr. Kid Homage was trying to prevent from being opened.  "No. 
I suspect he won't be joining me.  Be seeing you."


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****



V.alt.duz Castle, Liech.tin.stei.net --

Thread Bear, with a crown on his head, gave a sigh as he sat on his throne.

Crickets chirped.

The phone rang.  Thread Bear sighed again as he got up to answer it.


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The LNHHQ --
The Strip-Joint Room --

Easily-Discovered Man Lite, as he watched various lovely LNH ladies who 
seemed to be all wearing black leather lingerie dancing and sliding on 
poles, thought about what the Professor would do in this situation. 
Undoubtedly, he would rush into battle the fiend that had enslaved these 
poor heroines minds -- and based on all of the previous times that would 
all end very badly.  It would probably end with some cliffhanger 
deathtrap that involved syrup and waffles.  And the next issue would 
probably take more than a year to come out.  Maybe two years.  Well, 
these days possibly five.

Nope.  It would probably be best to let people more competent than 
himself (which was probably everyone else in the room) handle this. 
Besides the fact that he had accidentally left his spatula on Qwerty. 
(Reminder:  Need new spatula.)

Still.  He was a hero (kind of -- well, if you have a very liberal 
definition of hero).  He could be doing something.

What was it that Deductive Logic Man used to say?  About evidence? 
Something about making sure that a crime scene was well documented? 
Everything must be documented.  Photos?  Taking photos of the crime 
scene?  Something like that.  Yes, photos.  Yes, that's what he could 
do.  Take photos.  Take photos of this crime scene.  Take a whole lot of 
photos.  And then study them.  Study them hard.  Very hard.  For crimes 
of course.

Easily-Discovered Man Lite took out his iThingee and started capturing a 
number of pictures with it.  Ah, yes.  Ordinary Lady (who was doing some 
rather extraordinary things with her pole).  Snap.  Ooh, 
Sister-State-the-Obvious (need to remember not to mention this to Rob). 
  Snap.  Ah, Sing-Along Lass (I'm definitely going to hell for this).  Snap.

And as Lite continued taking pictures (for evidence purposes of course), 
he saw something that hit him like the Ultimate Cold Shower.  It was the 
most unsexy sight he had ever seen -- almost anti-sexy.  It was like 
some old man was wearing a pair of shiny golden easily-discovered 
speedos.  And then he scanned his iThingee up to see the face of this 
old person and...

"Oh no.  Prof!  Tell me that isn't you.  That this is just some horrible 
elsewhirl entitled, 'What if Easily-Discovered Man became a Chippendale 
Dancer?'  Tell me that that's what is happening here.  That none of this 
is real.  Please."

Professor Wong simply looked down at his sidekick and said, "The 
Slouching Beast is now the Captain of my soul."

"I -- I uh don't even want to interpret what in the world that's 
supposed to mean and how it involves your new costume being a golden 
speedo."

"And shiny golden cowboy boots.  Do not forget the shiny golden cowboy 
boots!"

"Believe me -- I'm trying.  I'm really trying."

"Do you remember all the times I told you that there was hope?  That 
heroes, such as we, could vanquish all of the world's ills if only we 
had the courage to believe in our abilities?"

"Yeah, I seem to recall something along those lines."

"I was mistaken.  There is no hope.  There are only two paths left.  The 
Beige Path that threatens to swallow all of creation.  And the 
Cheesecake Path.  You must choose the Cheesecake Chains, Lite!  Become 
of a member of Cheesecake Eater Lad's army of creamy tasty sweetness!! 
It is your only salvation from the rising tides of the Beigeness that 
will drown us all!!  Feast on the Cheesecake!!  Devourer it!!  Become 
one of us!!"  Behind him Sing Along Lass and Ordinary Lady held up 
plates with cheesecake slices and began chanting, "Eat of the 
cheesecake!  Eat of the cheesecake!"

"Umm, no.  Thanks, but no.  I don't think I'll be doing that anytime 
soon.  Shiny gold cowboy boots just aren't my thing.  Instead I'll be 
praying that the next supervillain I fight is Amnesia so I can wipe this 
entire episode from my psyche," Lite said backing away from the plate 
holding ladies.



                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

"Okay.  You can start kneeling before me anytime.  Anytime at all," said 
Cheesecake Eater Lad standing on a balcony in the LNH Strip Joint Room 
looking down at an incredibly unkneeling Ultimate Ninja.

The Ultimate Ninja shook his head.  "That's not going to happen."

"Ah, you didn't eat any of my special 'Welcome Home LNH' cheesecake, did 
you?  You always have to make things so hard, UN, don't you?"

"What's going on here?"

"All of the LNH women that didn't go off in space to battle Bart are now 
wearing sexy black leather lingerie -- and some like myself are pole 
dancing.  The men on the other hand who didn't go after Bart now are all 
sporting goatees.  Cheesecake Eater Lad is now our Lord and Master.  And 
we are all having a conversation in the LNH Strip Joint Room.  And you 
asked a question, which I am answering."

Cheesecake Eater Lad chuckled to himself.  "Thank you, Sister State the 
Obvious, but I think what our former boss in chief really wanted..."

"Wait!" said Nit-Pick Lad interrupting the heroes.  "Before we get any 
further I would just like to make this known to everyone.  All the male 
LNH'rs are sporting Van Dykes!  Not Goatees!  A Van Dyke has a mustache. 
  A Goatee doesn't.  You all have Van Dykes!  Sorry about that, but this 
sort of thing just irritates the hell out of me.  Okay, I'm done. 
Please, go on."

"As I was saying, what UN was probably asking was what caused all of 
this.  Our best guess is a virus.  Probably something that the LNV built 
and then put into the Satellite we used to disable all of the Freedom 
Chips.  The virus causes people to only care about themselves and 
satisfy their own dark desires."

"Wait," said Nit-Pick Lad.  "Okay, I guess I can get how a virus might 
cause a Van Dyke to grow on your face.  But that doesn't explain why all 
of the females are wearing -- um -- what they're wearing.  Did the virus 
do that?"

Cheesecake Eater Lad shook his head.  "Nope.  I believe after the virus 
took full control over their facilities they all raided 
Hoards-Leather-Lingerie Lass's room."

Nit-Pick Lad snapped his fingers.  "Oh right. Hoards-Leather-Lingerie 
Lass.  I always forget she's a member of the LNH."

"So, Fearless Leader.  I leave you in charge here and when I come back 
-- the entire LNH has become evil -- and you're second in charge.  Nice 
job," said the Ultimate Ninja gazing straight at Fearless Leader.

"Hey, that's my line!" said Sarcastic Lad.

"Why you lousy two bit..." said a clearly outraged Fearless Leader 
aiming his gun straight at the Ultimate Ninja.

"Easy, FL," said Cheesecake Eater Lad waving him off.  "Don't want to 
commit suicide just this yet.  He's just goading you.  And when we 
fight, it won't be you that fights him.  But really, UN, you should be 
thanking me."

"Thanking you?  Why?"

"If it weren't for me the entire LNH would be at each other's throats. 
It would be complete chaos here.  But thanks to me they're now 
completely under my control."

"And how about Kid Kirby.  I would think it would take more than mind 
control cheesecake to dominate his will."

"You'd be right.  But not that much more," said Cheesecake Eater Lad 
gesturing over to a table.  A table where Kid Kirby was eating a piece 
of cheesecake.  "It's a special cheesecake that not ever the Kirbian can 
resist."  The Ultimate Ninja watched as Kid Kirby gorged away on a 
cheesecake that had pictures of various Jack Kirby creations on it. 
"And every time he finishes it -- it returns again.  And so on and so 
on.  I wouldn't try taking it away from him if I were you.  That might 
make him angry."

"He's probably a Kirbybot."

"If you want to believe that -- Oh, I should probably mention this just 
incase you want to kill me.  If my heart stops beating it will trigger 
all of the LNHHQ's explosives causing Net.ropolis to be a really large 
crater.  Just so you know.  You see, I've been planning this awhile."

"Oh, it's not that I knew this might happen.  It's not that.  It's just 
-- that I had a feeling.  Ever since the Beige Clock Tower came into 
existence.  That was the beginning of this.  That's when I started 
having the dark thoughts.  Thoughts that superheroes aren't supposed to 
have.  I needed a release.  So I started writing a novel.  A novel 
called Cheesecake Midnight.  It was where I poured all of the dark 
thoughts I had within me.  In my story, a lot of the things that have 
been happening to us also happened.  But I wrote them into my novel 
before most of them had ever happened.  All of the stuff about Hex and 
Bart, it was in my novel before it had actually happened.  I suppose I 
should have mentioned this to someone.  But I was ashamed.  Ashamed of 
all the horrible things I did to the characters in my novel.  I couldn't 
show anyone this -- this horribly sick thing.  I had to keep it a secret."

"But in the same sense I realized that my novel was coming true, so I 
had to prepare for certain parts of it.  So I made a huge quantity of 
mind-control cheesecakes for when the virus infected the LNH.  And now 
the army is coming..."

"What?  What army?  What are you talking about?"

"Mynabird's Army.  The Legion of Net.Villains, or Freedom Lovers -- or 
whatever he's calling it now days.  But it's going to be the biggest 
supervillain army that has ever existed.  And it's coming tomorrow to 
utterly destroy the LNH.  In my novel, it turns out that Mynabird is 
actually Tsar Chasm who wants to destroy EDM-Lite because Lite has been 
having a torrid love affair with Mouse."

"Oh for the love of..." said Mouse putting her hands into strangle 
Cheesecake Eater Lad mode.

"Anyway, about this point into my novel is where I try to convince you 
and your non-virus infected team to join up with my team to battle 
Mynabird.  Alas, I can't convince you -- so your team and my team do 
battle.  My team wins.  I get all of the cosmic goodies.  Speaking of 
which, where are they?"  Cheesecake Eater Lad looked at Wikiboy.

Wikiboy's eyes blazed with a white energy.  "Occultism Kid has the 
Insanity Gauntlet and Ring of Retconn."

"Ah," said Cheesecake Eater Lad turning on comm.thingee.  "Attention 
LNH!  Bring Occultism Kid to me!  And please have magically resistant 
LNH'rs fight him!  There," he said clicking his comm.thingee off.  "Now, 
where was I?  Ah, yes.  I use the full force of the cosmic goodies to 
destroy Mynabird's army.  Then I destroy the Bryttle Brothers.  And then 
I take over the world.  The last chapter has a scene with me, King of 
the Entire Looniverse, writing a sequel to my biggest best seller ever, 
Cheesecake Midnight.  And since everything I've written has come true, I 
guess all of that will come true too..."

"Well, except you know the part where I have a *ahem* torrid love affair 
with *ahem* Easily-Discovered Man Lite -- which never ever Ever Ever 
Ever Ever -- EVER happened!!!!!!  Never!" said Mouse correcting 
Cheesecake Eater Lad.

"Writing a story where I die is not the same thing as actually killing 
me," said the Ultimate Ninja staring straight into Cheesecake Eater 
Lad's eyes.

"Oh, I know that.  But since Wikiboy has right now the power of every 
single member of the LNH and better ninja skills than even you have -- 
I'm going start preparing for your funeral.  Oh, and only I am allowed 
to edit him.  Just so you know.  Wikiboy?  Kill him!  Kill the Ultimate 
Ninja!!"

Wikiboy jumped from the balcony with both arms whirling at insane speeds 
cruising his body straight into the Ultimate Ninja.

"Every single member, huh?" said the Ultimate Ninja dodging the various 
blows.  "Like Bad Judgment Boy?"  Wikiboy decided to use his most 
ineffective attack on the ninja.  "Bad Timing Boy?"  Wikiboy's blow 
completely missed the Ultimate Ninja and instead sent his fist right 
into Kid Kirby's cheesecake (which pissed off the Kirbian to no end). 
"Coward Lad?"  Suddenly, Wikiboy felt a great amount of fear as Kid 
Kirby was about to pound the living daylights out of him.  "Figment 
Lad?"  But fortunately for Wikiboy, he poofed into nonexistence before 
that could happen.

Cheesecake Eater Lad slapped his head.  "Oh.  Of course what I meant to 
say was that Wikiboy had all of the powers of the 'useful' members of 
the LNH."  Wikiboy popped back into existence and began to fight the 
Ultimate Ninja again.

And everyone else in the room joined the fight.


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****


Occultism Kid's hand reached for the doorknob of his room, but something 
felt wrong and he pulled his hand back.

"Door Warden?" said Occultism Kid speaking to the spirit that guarded 
his door.  "Are there intruders in my room?"

"Intruders?" said a voice from the door.  "Naw, it's all totally fine, 
boss.  Just the typical creepy crawlies and stuff.  Have a nice trip, boss?"

Occultism Kid glanced at the burlap sack he was carrying containing the 
Insanity Gauntlet and Ring of Retconn.  "Yeah, it could have been 
worse."  Still, there was something wrong here.  Was the warden lying to 
him?  Better cast a few protection spells on himself -- just in case.

After chanting some words and some hand gestures, he opened his door. 
Darkness filled the room.  "Light," he said to turn on the lights, but 
nothing happened.  He walked over to one of his lamps.  As he did, the 
door slammed shut making everything dark.

And then the lights came on.  There was Master Blaster and some other 
LNH'r he didn't recognize.

"Drop the bag, Magic Man," said Master Blaster aiming his BigGun (TM) at 
Occultism Kid's head.

A simple time freeze trick would be enough to stop Rob.  But who was 
with him?  Who was this strange superhero wearing fisherman duds?  Well, 
it didn't matter.  He needed to take care of Rob first.  He zapped a 
spell towards Master Blaster.  The spell, however, took a detour.

The spell made its way towards the hook of the fishing pole the strange 
fisherman was carrying.  "Ah, got a bite," said the fisherman type hero. 
  He pulled the spell off of the hook and popped it into his mouth. 
"Tasty!  Another fine catch for -- The Spell Fisher!!!!!"

Okay, this wasn't good.



                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Dr. Stomper looked up.  Well, he was in the medlab at least.  And 
Ripping Dancer was still in her suspended animation.thingee.  And then 
he looked at Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner who was holding a gun at him.  Need 
to fix that.

"Excellent!" said Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner with a twisted grin on his 
face.  "Finally, some human bodies to experiment on.  I was getting 
bored with the Kirbybots."  Dr. Stomper noticed the mutilated remains of 
various Kirbybots on some of the tables.  "Now, Dr. Stomper.  Please, go 
over there and shackle yourself."

Dr. Stomper closed his eyes and then said, "Protocol 288."  After a few 
minutes he said, "End Program," opened his eyes up again, and noticed 
that Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner was having a seizure on the floor.

There was something definitely wrong here.


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

LNH Strip Joint Room --

As the punches started to fly, Fearless Leader tumbled from the balcony 
with both guns blazing.

Irony Man tackled Fearless Leader.  "Whoahh, there Felix.  Might want to 
put the guns away.  Won't do much good against me."

Fearless Leader laughed.  "Maybe not these.  But I do have a special one 
for you."  He pulled a gun from one of his many holsters and shot it. 
An electronic gizmo flew from the barrel and attached itself to Irony 
Man's armor.

"What did you -- *Arrgghghh!!!*"

"That device freezes up your suit.  And then it takes complete control 
of your system.  And it sends all of the Irony Power right into your 
suit.  Starting to get hot?  Yeah.  That's all your Irony Energy cooking 
you.  Hmm.  Your own Irony Power killing you.  There's a word for that. 
  Heh.  Maybe I'll think of it before you die.  Bye, Toonie."  And 
Fearless Leader picked up his guns and started to blast everything again.




                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Parking Karma Kid using his LNH flight ring flew up to the balcony. 
"Okay, old buddy of mine.  Time to knock a whole lot of sense into you! 
  And I have to admit -- I've been wanting to do this for a long time!!" 
he said as threw a very hard punch at Cheesecake Eater Lad's face.  But 
PKK's fist rather than hitting flesh and blood instead hit creamy sweet 
goodness.  And handcuffs that snapped onto his wrists

"Ah, PKK, old pal of mine.  Always falling for the Cheesecake Eater Lad 
Look-a-Like Handcuff Surprise Cheesecake.  Well, I suppose that's the 
way the Graham Cracker Crust Crumbles."  Cheesecake Eater Lad gave a 
flying kick sending Parking Karma Kid off the balcony.


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Occultism Kid's room --

"I'm setting my gun to cremate -- better drop the bag, Houdini," said 
Master Blaster cranking up his BigGun (TM) to eleven.

Occultism Kid dropped the burlap sack and raised his hands in the air. 
The fishing pole that the Spell Fisher was carrying had to be his source 
of power.  Maybe if he could separate the two of them then...

But before Occultism Kid could take any sort of action towards that plan 
a rip in space occurred.  A colorful crackling portal ripped through the 
dreary beigeness and a figure came out of it.

A figure wearing a fuzzy pink trenchcoat.  Master Blaster turned his 
attention towards the colorful portal just as Kid Anarky blasted him 
with some type of power.

Occultism Kid took the opportunity to head butt the Spell Fisher 
separating him from his fishing pole.  He looked at Kid Anarky and the 
totally unconscious Master Blaster.  "How did you do that?"

"What?  Oh that."  Kid Anarky looked at his hands.  "Not sure.  Don't 
think I can do it again though.  We better get out of here though.  Got 
the cosmic items?"

Occultism Kid picked up the burlap sack and nodded.

"Oh, btw -- the goatee I'm wearing right now -- it's a fake."  Kid 
Anarky showed the spirit gum that was holding his goatee in place.

Occultism Kid looked at Kid Anarky with a bewildered expression.  "What? 
  Why?  Why in the world are you wearing a fake goatee."

"Didn't you notice?  All of LNH'r who are acting crazy have goatees?"

"No.  I haven't really run into anyone besides these two.  What's going on?"

"As near as I can figure some virus infected the LNH causing everyone to 
become evil.  And giving all of the males goatees."

Occultism Kid backed slightly away from Kid Anarky.  "And you're not 
infected?  Why is that?" he said with a tone of suspicion.

"I don't know.  I do have a theory, but -- look, we need to find Dr. 
Stomper.  He might be the only that can find a cure for this.  Look, you 
can trust me.  I did save you."

"You did do that.  Very well, you go first."

And the two of them made there way for Dr. Stomper's lab.




                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The LNH Strip Joint Room --

Cheesecake Eater Lad glanced down at the fight in progress.  It was 
close, but he could feel that his side was winning.  The 
Wikiboy/Ultimate Ninja was a bit of a stalemate, but the other fights 
with Fearless Leader leading the charge were going his way.  In another 
half an hour, they would be begging for mercy and...

His thoughts were interrupted once again by the loud noise of a burst 
door.  Something had flashed through it.  No, not something.  Someone. 
Captain Continuity.  He was back.

"Okay people," said Captain Continuity not picking a side -- instead 
wrapping every single fighting LNH'r in their own Continuity Cocoon.  He 
had just spent the last hour or so in space trying to detonate an LNH 
Starship warp core without damaging the ship itself.  And to come back 
to this?  "Have you all lost your minds?  What the heck is going on here?"

Catalyst Lass and Hell Catalyst jumped off the stripper platform and 
made there way towards Captain Continuity.  Each carrying a plate of 
cheesecake.

"It's okay, CC.  We're just having a party here."

"A party?"  He paused a bit as he looked at them.  "Umm -- why exactly 
are you wearing those -- um, Outfits?  What is...?"

"It's a welcome back party, silly!" said Hell Catalyst.  "You look 
hungry.  You should have a piece.  A piece of delicious cheesecake."

"Yes, Cappy.  Have some cheesecake."  Catalyst Lass scooped out some 
with her finger and then put it in her mouth licking it clean.  And then 
she scooped another piece with the same finger and held it close to 
Captain Continuity's mouth.  "It's divine."

"Yes, have it, Cappy.  Have it all.  And then afterwards," Hell Catalyst 
said with a seductive smiles on her face.  "You could have the two of us 
for dessert."

Captain Continuity felt an overpowering hunger erupt inside him.  He 
wanted that cheesecake.  He wanted it all.  But he knew also that he was 
being manipulated.  That both Catalyst Lasses were overwhelming him with 
their powers.  He needed to resist.  But the taste.  He wanted that 
taste in his mouth.  And as Catalyst Lass's cheesecake covered finger 
got closer and closer to this mouth, he just couldn't...

"Captain!  No!!!!!" said Fuzzy sending a flying kick into Catalyst Lass, 
which caused Catalyst Lass to knock over Hell Catalyst as the two of 
them fell.  "It's mind control cheesecake!!!

"Mind control?" said Captain Continuity waking up to the world around 
him.  "Of course.  So fill me in.  Who are the bad guys?"

"Anyone with a goatee or wearing leather lingerie.  But keep in mind, 
they are infected with a virus that's making them evil."

"Gotcha," said Captain Continuity as he began wrapping LNH'rs in 
Continuity Cocoons again.

Cheesecake Eater Lad frowned.  He had hoped that the Catalyst Lasses 
could tame Captain Continuity, but that was a bust.  He had to try 
another tactic.  He took a special cheesecake he had been working on and 
threw down onto the floor and closed his eyes.

As the cheesecake hit the floor, a great amount of light flashed from 
inside it causing everyone that looked at it to be stunned.  The effect 
of the cheesecake seemed to halt the fighting except for the Ultimate 
Ninja and Wikiboy who were still wrestling with each other.

"Everyone stop fighting!  UN, Wikiboy!  Stop fighting!" shouted 
Cheesecake Eater Lad.  Wikiboy, who had no choice but to do every single 
thing that Cheesecake Eater Lad uttered instantly stopped.  The Ultimate 
Ninja took the opportunity to pull Wikiboy's heart out of his chest.

"I'd like to call a temporary truce," said Cheesecake Eater Lad looking 
straight into the Ultimate Ninja's eyes.

The Ultimate Ninja snorted.  "Because you're losing."

"Maybe.  But the way I see it, neither of us can really afford this 
fight.  You arrived here about two hours ago, or so?  That means in less 
than 22 hours or so your entire team will succumb to the virus and be 
just like us.  Now wouldn't it make more sense for you people to be 
finding a cure for the virus rather than fighting a fight that you might 
not even win?"

"And why would you want us to find a cure?"

"Oh, I don't.  But I'm betting you don't find it in time.  And once you 
all succumb -- I think you'll be much more willing to eat my cheesecake. 
  Here's the deal.  You leave us in peace and we'll leave you in peace 
to find a cure.  Deal?"

"I hate to say it, but it makes sense, UN," said Captain Continuity. 
"Finding a cure for this virus is our highest priority right now."

"Fine.  A truce.  But if you try anything -- and I mean anything..." 
The Ultimate Ninja took his finger and made a slitting motion along his 
neck.  "Understand?"

"Of course," said Cheesecake Eater Lad with a wicked grin on his face. 
"Of course."

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

End of Part I