MISC: One Day at a Time #14

[James Mason]

                               Chapter 14:
                              Bomberguy 64

Edmund Crumpleston: *ripping duct tape off the wheel it came from* 
Okay, there - now I should be able to move around without falling 
apart.

Some guy wearing what looks like a army cloak, yes you read that right, 
army cloak: Whatever you said was highfive worthy! Want one?

Edmund Crumpleston: I sure do!

Announcer: HIGHFIVE WORTHY OF A TROPHY! Also, now there’s a thing on 
Ed’s hand.

Edmund Crumpleston: What's this flashy thing?

*boom.*

Edmund Crumpleston: Aww, not again.

Some guy wear-- y'know what, I’m not repeating that: Again? Aw, 
whatever. Now, do you know where the jail cells are?

Edmund Crumpleston: I just spent all of yesterday and a good chunk of 
today in the evidence locker! I don’t know where it is!

That army cloak guy: Geez, you suddenly turned rude. I guess I won’t be 
asking you anything ever again.

Those three main characters: *clopclopcloprunning!*

Army cloak guy: Hey, do you know where the jail cells are?

Announcer: All the bacon couldn’t save you from her RIGHT HOOK!

Sir Greg: No!

Army cloak guy: Again with the rudeness! Well fine, GRENADES FOR 
EVERYONE!

Announcer: Yay, grenade party!

Everyone who’s not an Army guy with a weird-ass cloak or Edmund: 
*dodgewhoosh!*

Mike: We can’t have this now, it would be too inconvenient for us. And 
by us, I mean not you! *Points at guy with way-too-long name!*

Army cloak guy: Geez, I just can’t win today. Oh well. *bombslap*

Mike: Wait, what's on my fac-- *cat boom* Ow.

Sir Greg: HEY, YOU CAN'T BLOW UP CA-- *bombslap* Oh no you don’t! 
*dodgewhoosh! ...which is unsuccessful!* Okay, maybe you do.

The Arch Mage: Well-- *slap* I barely said anything! *riiiiiip!s bomb 
off with magic* That wasn’t so bad.

Announcer: But he forgot to throw it away.

The Arch Mage: *boom* Forget I said that.

Army cloak guy: *sigh* Welp, you guys are jerks. Maybe if you knew why 
I’m doing this... Nah. Just call me Bomberguy 64.

Mike: Why?

Army cl-- I mean, Bomberguy 64: Because I associate with the other 
bomberguys. In fact, I'm their boss. Well, sorta. I was in the '90s, 
WHEN WE WERE KIDS!

Announcer: Oh great, now he’s going into the backstory, now things are 
going to--

Bomberguy 64: But enough about me what about you?

Announcer: Never mind.

Chris: *Entering from stage right!* Why are we going towards the 
explosions?

Victor Montague: *Also stage righting!* Well you said I wouldn't be 
able to talk to them afterwards, so why not now?

Bomberguy 64: I'VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF PINEAPPLES! *bombly bombly 
boom*

Chris: That's why.

Announcer: Mike is ignoring these dorks and talking to Sir Greg!

Mike: Any idea how we could take him down?

Sir Greg: We could rush him.

Mike: I’m pretty sure we just did.

Sir Greg: While ignoring the bombs he places on us.

Mike: Wouldn’t that hurt us?

Sir Greg: Well, so far, it’s not as bad as the tank explosion from 
yesterday - and it would hurt him too!

Mike: Well I don’t want anyone to get hurt--

Announcer: Just noticed those guys, didn’t you?

Mike: Like them. Oh crap!

Announcer: Don’t know why he dived towards them, there weren't any 
bombs heading for them.

Mike: What are you morons doing here!?

Victor Montague: Where did you guys go yesterday?

Mike: Get out of here, it’s too dangerous!

Victor Montague: But you won’t answer my--

Mike: I’ll do that later! Right now, you guys got to go!

Bomberguy 64: Hey, don’t ignore me! I don’t allow my men to ignore me!

Announcer: Now, see, Sir Greg has a reason to dive at the guy, because 
he has a bomb pointed towards them.

Sir Greg: *CLUNK!* Yeah, no. Let's see how you like having an explosion 
on your face!

Announcer: Man, now she’s taking the bomb and shoving it in his mouth. 
Remind me not to get her angry.

Bomberguy 64: MMMMFH MMM MMF MMMFH!

Announcer: That he said was, “Wow these *do* taste like pineapples!” 
Totally what he said.

Bomberguy 64: *boom* OOOW! Jeez, didn’t know you guys don’t like 
Pineapples. I HOPE YOU LIKE PLAS--

Announcer: She grabs the plastic explosive and places that in his mouth 
too.

Bomberguy 64: ...mmmmf mmmf.

Announcer: Yeah, yeah, another boom. When is this chapter over, I want 
to get lunch.

Bomberguy 64: Ohhhh. Maybe I should take a nap. Zzzzz~

Sir Greg: Well that wasn’t so bad.

Mike: Your face is showing! *covers it*

Sir Greg: Let's get out of here, then.

Announcer: And so she and The Arch Mage start to run off... but stop 
when they notice Mike isn’t coming.

Mike: I have some business to take care of. Go on without me.

Announcer: So they do!

Mike: Now. What was your question?