SW10/HCC: Lateran Speaks

[Scott Eiler]

WORLD JOURNAL MONTHLY
May 21, 2011

LATERAN SPEAKS!
*Another* Exclusive Interview with the Master Villain - On the Day of the 
Rapture!

Correspondent:  Noelle LaRue

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The World Journal Monthly has interviewed Monseigneur Philippe St. Joseph 
Lateran before.  We are the only news medium in the world which has done 
this.  Extracts from the original interview are at 
http://www.eilertech.com/stories/2004/journal_mar.htm#lateran .

Mr. Lateran was captured in Massachusetts last December. 
(http://www.eilertech.com/stories/2010/cauldron11.htm)  He has been awaiting 
trial, under house arrest in a Catholic retreat house run by the Sisters of 
St. Joseph in the country town of Uxbridge.  The trial will start next 
Monday.  On the Friday before, one of the Sisters called the World Journal 
Monthly and arranged for an interview on Saturday morning.

Mr. Lateran insisted this interview be conducted in French.  I've 
translated.

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WJM:  Thank you for talking with our magazine again, Monseigneur Lateran.

Lateran:  I suppose it is my duty.

WJM:  Can you tell us about your duty?

Lateran:  My entire duty now is to say, I told you so.  Your unholy society 
is falling.  My prayers are answered.

WJM:  Is this not your society also?

Lateran:  Like any true Christian, I am in the world but not of it.

WJM:  May you elaborate?

Lateran:  Your readership can read of this world's catastrophe for 
themselves.  I aspire for a better world.

WJM:  Many people work to make *this* a better world.  Why do you not?

Lateran:  *Naturally* I do.  I concentrate upon wayward women.  I must 
admit, my own sister is one such.  After great ministry to her, I brought 
her into the fold of Mother Church.  I was then inspired to extend my 
ministry to other women.

WJM:  Thank you for the segue...  You've been connected with many women in 
your career.  Can you comment of a housekeeper who claims she had your 
child?

Lateran:  She is one such wayward woman.  Her son could have come from 
anywhere.  I helped her raise him, naturally.  That is what the head of 
household does.  So he has the right to call me Father.  Other than that, I 
have no comment.

WJM:  No comment on the right of "droit du seigneur", of the head of 
household over all women in his house?

Lateran:  That thus-called right is a slander against medieval lords.  There 
is no evidence that any lord used it.

WJM:  Did you?

Lateran:  Naturally I will not answer such intimate questions about my 
personal life.

WJM:  What of the woman you abducted to your compound last December?

Lateran:  I?  No!  Dear friends of mine had encountered a wayward woman who 
obviously needed deprogramming from the wicked ways of this world.  I 
admitted her as my junior housekeeper.

WJM:  How well did she work with you?

Lateran:  I had that woman in my house for not even one day, before enemies 
attacked me.  She was a hell-creature.  I left her in the care of the 
Sisters of St. Joseph.

WJM:  These enemies of yours exposed you to serious legal charges.  What of 
those?

Lateran:  Naturally you know I am scheduled to answer your world's charges 
on Monday.  I now say, those charges are irrelevant.

WJM:  Why?

Lateran:  You know of the rumor, the Rapture for this sinful world is today. 
There is much ridicule in the media, but I know for the righteous it is 
true.  Let me check my watch... I have two more minutes to answer questions.

WJM:  Fine... You believe in the Rapture.  Is it the end of the world?

Lateran:  Very much not.  It merely extracts the Lord's faithful to avoid 
judgment.

WJM:  When does the judgment come for the rest of us?

Lateran:  Some say, seven years from now.  I say, whenever the Lord wills.

WJM:  This announcement of the Rapture has been so obvious, people are 
setting up post-Rapture looting parties.  What advice do you have for them?

Lateran:  So *few* people are truly righteous in this world, it will be as 
though one person in each city is saved.

WJM:  How exactly will these people be saved?

Lateran:  I have my *own* assurance, for I am saved.  All others must answer 
for themselves.

WJM:  ... Well.  Your deadline is almost here.  Any final comments?

Lateran:  I told you so.

*Then Lateran actually disappeared!*

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(to be continued - in the next story!)

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Author's Notes:

Yes, he really believes that.  Or at least he tells himself that.  This 
therefore qualifies for High Concept Challenge  "Behind Blue Eyes".

I have done this as an instant story, because the impending Rapture required 
it.

"Don't you never try to look behind my eyes; you don't wanna know what they 
have seen."  - Frank Zappa, from "A Token of My Extreme".