RACCCafe/HCC: The Biggest War Ever!

[Andrew Perron]

"Grrr!  The Unicorn King is angry!  The Sasquatch People have gone too far
in their ecnonomic embargos!  He has to create jobs... jobs in the
VENGEANCE and DESTRUCTION industries!"

"But wait!  Sasquatchnia has revealed their nuclear enrichment facilities!
They've created THE DOOM TWINKIE!"

"Hah hah!  Unicornland fears no snack food!  Their vitamin-enriched
scientists have genetically engineered a fearsome part of this complete
breakfast, the PIZZA OF DOOM!"

"Gasp!  Mutual assured snack destruction!  Send in the shock Bigfoots with
their boots of victory!"

"Our magical flying laser cavalry will triumph over any advers-- over any--
over the bad guys!  Launch the poop cannons!"

"This aggression will not stand!  Mr. Sasquatch, tear down this wall with
your giant cyborg wall-tearing claws!"

"Meanwhile, on the edges of the battle, a young unicorn soldier pledges his
love to a sweet sasquatch lady!"

"Yes!  They smooch!  Mwah mwah mwah!"

"Oh Miss Yeti, even though our families hate each other, I can't leave you!
Mwah mwah mwah!"

"Oh Mr. Hornguy, you must!  For if my father finds out--"

"Grrrr, I'm angry!"

"Oh no!  It's her cousin, Steve the Gorilla-Man With Two Heads!"

"Grrr!"

"Back on the battlefield, everybody was dead!"

"Yes!  The horrible carnage!  Blood and guts everywhere!  People's heads
were torn off and turned upside-down and birds were eating their eyes out!"

"The President of Sasquatchia was really sad!  He sent in their best peace
scientists to make peace!"

"The Unicorn King was still angry!  So the Unicorn Princess had to beat him
up!  And then she said, 'We will not fight any longer!  We'll be friends
and play soccer during the summer!'"

"Yay!"

"Yay!"

"But then DINOSAURS ATTACKED!"

"Oh no!"

Kid Enthusiastic picked up a pterodactyl with missile launchers and shot
them at the rows of plastic ponies and sasquatch action figures.
Anticipation Winters, the reincarnation of Dark Parody in adorable,
marketable, slightly less confusing ten-year-old form took the T-Rex and
stomped them thoroughly.

Easily Discovered-Man Lite nodded to the Haiku Gorilla. "Building a day
care center next to the RACCCafe - stroke of genius, my man, er, ape.  How
much are you bringing in on this operation?"

"Twenty bucks per kid
 Per hour, per day in spring
 I wonder who pays."

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, anyone else remember DinoRiders?