LNH20: Generation 2.0 #5

Martin Phipps martinphipps2 at yahoo.com
Thu Dec 29 05:26:12 PST 2011

                                  Generation 2.0 #5

        The God, The Troll and The Sub-sub-basement Part 2

  Walter "Wikipedia" Brown, Juliana "Amazon Lass" Almeida, Edward "E-
Boy" Boyd, George "Google Lad" Patel, May and Jay Nguyen had traveled
by elevator down to sub-basement 35 to look for Too-Much-Time-on-His-
Hands Lad.  There they found and entered a wardrobe which took them to
a strange world in another dimension.  There they found a house in a
meadow.  There they found Googlemesh.
  "Googlemesh?" Edward said.
  "Who's Googlemesh?" May asked.
  Walter spoke quickly.  "Googlemesh is the leader of the mythical
ancient legion..."
  "Legendary ancient legion!" Googlemesh said.
  "Legendary ancient legion," Walter said, "but then how is it
possible that you are here."
  Googlemesh nodded.  "Come inside."
  The six of them entered the house.  It was as simple on the inside
as it had been on the outside: no electricity, just candles for light
and wood everywhere.  Sitting on a chair next to a table was a still
young main with frizzy hair and a long beard.
  "Hi.  I'm Too-Much-Time-on-His-Hands Lad.  I heard you were looking
for me."
  "I told you!" George said.
  "I apologize for my appearance," Too-Much-Time-on-His-Hands Lad
said.  "We weren't expecting company."
  Googlemesh found enough chairs for everyone to sit down.  He placed
them around the table.
  "Thank you," Walter, George, Juliana, Edward, May and Jay all said
as they sat down.
  "So," Googlemesh said, "you want to know how I came to be here?"
  "If you don't mind," Walter said.
  Googlemesh took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  "I have no
idea how long ago it was.  It was before the birth of the demigod you
call Christ.  The place you know as LNH HQ was a nexis of realities
and all sorts of creatures were coming through portals to our world.
We built these subbasements and the complex on top to serve as a first
defense against invaders from a hundred different worlds.
  "But even as the ranks of the legion soared, so did hope begin to
wane for it seemed as though not a day went by without some new menace
appearing through the portals.  It was finally decided that we would
have to take the battle to the enemy!  The legion thus divided into a
hundred different subgroups and spread themselves out over a hundred
different worlds!  My wife, my son and I all put aside our mutual
differences for the sake of humanity and established ourselves in this
house.  Then the Legion used its combined power to bury the building
above one mile deep underground.  We thought nobody would find it."
  "And then the Killfile fell..." Juliana said.
  "Yes," Googlemesh said.  "Too-Much-Time-on-His-Hands Lad told me
about that.  Something awoke when the Killfile fell.  Something that
rose your HQ up out of the earth and into the city around it."
  "So where are your wife and son?" Walter asked.
  "They are both dead," Googlemesh said.  "Killed in battle with
  "Trolls?" May asked.
  "Yes, trolls," Googlemesh said.  "They were the menace that we came
here to fight."  He sighed.  "I miss them... but they did not die in
vain for they fought valiantly.  And now, thanks to our efforts, there
is only one troll left."
  "Well then," Juliana said, "why don't you come back with us?  If the
trolls are defeated..."
  "No," Googlemesh said, "for even one troll is too great a menace!
He must not be allowed to return to your world."
  "Well then we can just defeat him," Walter said confidently.  "Where
is he now?"
  "I'm not sure," Googlemesh admitted.
  "I'm on it!" George said.  He closed his eyes and concentrated.
"Searching.  One result found.  Uh oh."
  "Uh oh?"
  "He's in LNH HQ!"
  "Are you sure?" Googlemesh asked.
  "Did you leave the wardrobe door open?" Googlemesh asked.
  "Um... yeah, we did."
  Googlemesh facepalmed.
  "Now wait!" Walter said.  "It's one thing that you speak English but
that's a decidedly modern gesture...!"
  "It's my doing," Too-Much-Time-on-His-Hands Lad said.  "I taught him
English and whenever he said something wrong I facepalmed.  That's why
his English is so good now."  He smiled.  "What can I say?  We had a
lot of time on our hands!"
  Walter nodded.  "Fair enough."  He grimaced.  "It looks like we had
all better get back to LNH HQ!"

  The eight of them proceeded back through the tunnel only to find the
wardrobe door closed.
  "Meu Deus," Juliana said.  "What will we do?"
  "Stand aside!" Googlemesh said.  "The door was designed to keep back
a troll but I am... a god!"  He smashed through the wardrobe doors and
they all emerged on the other side.
  "There!" he said.  "There is the troll!"  He pointed to a slight
figure that could barely be seen in the dimly lit subbasement level
  "Him?" Jay asked.  "He's just a kid!"
  "No!" Googlemesh said.  "Stay back!  Do not underestimate him."
  Edward ignored the warning.  "This has got to be a joke," he said as
he stepped forward.
  The troll noticed the Star Trek insignia pinned to his T-shirt.
"You are a Trekkie?" it asked.
  "Yeah!" Edward said proudly.
  The troll laughed.  "Get a life!"
  Edward stepped back, dazed.  He wasn't expecting that cutting
  "I warned you!" Googlemesh said.  "Trolls exploit your weaknesses!
They attack mercilessly."
  Walter nodded.  "I understand.  Everybody stay back!"
  "Walter!  What do you think you are doing?" Juliana asked.
  "This is my chance to be a hero," Walter said.  "My ability to
access any and all public knowledge is the only way to wear him down!"
  "It's too dangerous!"
  "It's what I have to do!"

  Walter stepped forward.  "Now, troll, do your worst!"
  "Ha ha!  Moron!" the troll said.  "What chance do you have against
me?  I am an expert at ridicule!"
  "All your insults are passe," Walter said.  "They are meaningless.
They are the ramblings of a disturbed mind."
  "Is that so?"
  "It is."
  The troll laughed.  "You arrogant human!  You think you can defeat
  "I'm still standing.  Is this the best you can do?"
  "Yours is a mongrel race!  Trolls have developed over millions of
years!  We are perfection!"
  "You are the last of your kind!"
  "I am the best of my kind!"
  "Oh really?" Walter asked.  "So while your race was dying where were
you?  Were you hiding?"
  "I was protecting myself from an invader!"
  "You were the invaders!" Walter said.  "The legion was protecting
the earth from you!"
  "No!" the troll insisted.  "The Legion was sent to conquer a hundred
worlds!  We fought back!  We buried this place a mile underground so
that the legion could not send any more of its people to attack us!"
  "Don't listen to him, Walter!" Googlemesh said.
  "Don't worry!" Walter said.  "I can see through his lies!  You said
that the legion was fighting against a hundred different enemies but
how would you know that if you hadn't traveled to our world?"
  "We went there is self defense!"
  "Did you?" Walter asked.  "So then what happened to Googlemesh's
wife and son?  He says you trolls killed them!"
  "Self defense!" the troll insisted.  "We were acting in self
defense!  They killed off the entire troll race!"
  "We did everything we could to save humanity from the trolls!"
Googlemesh insisted.
  "I know," Walter said, "because the ancient legion would not even
have found this nexis of realities if there weren't menaces coming
through and threatening the earth!"
  "AH!" the troll said.  "What do you know of threats!  We were
superior!  You were ants to us!"
  "And ants are meant to be squashed?" Walter asked.
  "NO!" the troll said.  "We created your world!  We are your gods!
We gave you everything!"
  "Now I know you're lying!" Walter said.  "Human civilization
developed independently all over the world about ten thousand of years
ago following the end of the ice age!  People everywhere stopped
hunting and gathering and started planting crops and building houses
and telling stories and then developing written language so that those
stories could be preserved for future generations.  There was no need
for gods to tell us how to do things!  Man learned how to do things by
themselves and/or in contact with other civilizations!"
   "We taught mankind to farm!" the troll said.  "We taught mankind
the stories about gods!  We were their gods!  We built the Sphinx in
Egypt and the ancient cities in Iraq!"
  "I see," Walter said, "so who then is the face on the Sphinx?"
  "I am the face on the Sphinx!" the troll declared.  "The sphinx was
built to honor me!  I was worshiped in ancient Egypt!  I was their
  "Incorrect!" Walter said.  "The head of the Sphinx is proportionally
too small for its body, suggesting that Egyptians carved the face of a
pharaoh onto what was originally the statue of a lion!"
  "ARRRGGH!" the troll screamed and lunged forward at Walter.  Walter
simply moved out of the way.
  "Everybody!" he said.  "Get him!"
  The others all surrounded the troll and pushed it back into the
wardrobe and closed the doors behind him.
  "But you broke the doors open!" Edward complained.
  "The troll was held back by more than just wood!  The doors are
magical!  The troll cannot open them by any means!  They have to be
left open if the troll is to escape back to our world!"
  "That being said," Juliana said, "I'd be willing to sacrifice some
shoelaces that can be used to tie the doors shut so they don't swing
open."  She took off a pair of shoes and removed the shoelaces and
used the laces to tie the doors shut.  "There," she said.  "Good as
  "You don't have to go back in there," George said to both
Googlemesh and Too-Much-Time-on-His-Hands Lad.  "The legion can deal
with whatever comes out of the subbasements.  I mean, they will.  When
they all get back I mean.  Googlemesh, if you can just let us know
what sort of threats we can expect to face then we can be ready for
  "Verily!" Googlemesh said.  "Indeed I shall be honored to work with
this modern legion!"
  Walter glared at Too-Much-Time-on-His-Hands Lad.  "Why did you teach
him to speak like that?  Why didn't you teach him to speak like a
normal person?"
  Too-Much-Time-on-His-Hands Lad shrugged his shoulders.  "I figured
that was how a god should speak!"

                                       THE END

Walter "Wikipedia" Brown, Juliana "Amazon Lass" Almeida, Edward "E-
Boy" Boyd, George "Google Lad" Patel, Monique "Le Visage" Mercier, May
and Jay Nguyen and Googlemesh created by Martin Phipps
Too-Much-Time-on-His-Hands Lad created by Dave Van Domelen


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