LNH20: Clueless Lad Team-Up #1: Featuring Nudist Man!

[Scott Eiler]

CLUELESS LAD TEAM-UP #1
featuring Nudist Man!

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This story probably takes place before The Spoon of Destiny.

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Nudist Man was on vacation from the Legion of Net.Heroes.  As their 
Ultimate Nudist, he'd disrupted a lot of villainous plans.  And he'd 
disrupt a lot more.  But on vacation, he needed a quiet place to be his 
nudist self.

He was hiking west from the Appalachian Trail.  The main trail was too 
crowded for him.  And he'd heard about a raptor observatory in West 
Virginia.  Oh, why not.

Nudist Man was a nudist, but he still had to stock his backpack.  Like 
any Trail hiker, he'd sent canned goods ahead.  So he walked into the 
post office of Dimm Hollow, West Virginia.  He took out the ID from his 
backpack, showed it to the postmaster, and got his package.

The locals gaped at him.  But he exuded self-confidence.  Being a nudist 
wasn't easy, but he'd mastered it.  No one commented as he picked up his 
package and walked out.  Until...

One tall teenage boy on the street said, "Hey, mister, you shouldn't 
ought to dress like that.  Or undress, I guess.  We don't *do* that in 
Dimm Hollow."

Suddenly, Nudist Man was wearing blue jeans!

He silently opened his mouth, spread his arms, and looked at the boy. 
His unspoken question was obvious, at least to the teen.  And hopefully 
to intelligent readers such as ourselves.

The teen responded, "Heck if *I* know where your new pants came from. 
But maybe you should keep 'em."

Nudist Man unzipped and dropped them.

Suddenly he had new pants underneath!  The teen said, "No, we don't drop 
our pants in public here in Dimm Hollow."

So Nudist Man dropped his pants again.

... Ten pairs of pants later, the teen boy said, "Okay.  You must be 
from some place where people drop their pants in public.  Kind of like 
where the women cover their bodies, but the other way round.  Like no 
clothes instead of clothes, and men instead of women...  Uh, welcome to 
town."

Nudist Man sloughed off the fallen trousers, and walked out of town.

Back on the trail, he wondered about clueless lads, as Doc Nostalgia 
would put it.  What clueless lads could West Virginia hold, whose power 
could manufacture clothes out of nothingness?  Possibly a curiosity for 
the science staff back at Legion of Net.Heroes Headquarters.  Maybe even 
hero material, compared with some of the others from old versions of the 
Legion.

Back in Dimm Hollow, that same clueless lad said to his friends, "Hey, 
that was weird.  I wonder what else will be out there when I go join the 
Net.ropolis Police Academy?"

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Author's Notes:

Nudist Man was created by Tom Russell.  I hope I've properly kept track 
that he's Free For Use, and I hope I've properly reflected the 
awesomeness that must be Nudist Man.  All other characters (such as they 
are) are hereby declared Free For Use by Eiler Technical Enterprises.

I see The Writers are feverishly building the world once again, starting 
with a big saga.  Clueless Lad was originally designed as an 
introduction to a world like this.  Perhaps he may serve that purpose 
now, the easy way.  One character at a time.

Oh, and who's *on* the science staff at Legion of Net.Heroes 
Headquarters?  That seems to be open as yet.  I suspect "Doc" is just an 
honorary title for Doc Nostalgia.  And Kindle's been showing up a lot, 
but she's more a clinician.


-- 
(signed) Scott Eiler  8{D> -------- http://www.eilertech.com/ ---------

Turns out I'm an anally-fixated oedipal paranoid with 
south-of-the-border schizophrenic delusions...  But never mind, I've 
found me the ideal job.  I'm going to run for President!

- Major Honey, scripted by Grant Morrison, Doom Patrol #46, August 1991.