SW10: Summer of Discontent #0: The Villain War of 2011

[Scott Eiler]

WORLD JOURNAL MONTHLY
March 14, 2011

NUNNERY INVASION!
Prelude to a Villain War?

Correspondent:  Bill Blau

---

The World Journal Monthly had a correspondent inside Saint Cecelia's 
Motherhouse and Novitiate in Nashville, Tennessee to observe the following.

...

Mother Superior Barbara of the Sisters of Saint Cecelia exploded.  Not 
literally, but you'd think it from her voice.  "No!  You shall *not* 
bring your gynecologists into our Motherhouse or our Novitiate!"

Eric X calmly said, "You have no choice.  I will not admit claims of 
spoilage while I occupy your den of evil."

"*You* call us evil?  You who have breached our gates with violence?"

"Oh, please.  The only violence was to the gates themselves.  My troops 
have been *exemplary* in their conduct.  I hired only New Israelites. 
They *respect* religious orders."

The Mother Superior sputtered.  "They act like barbarians!"

"What do you expect.  They're the actual ancient Israelites who couldn't 
survive when God took away the manna. 
(http://www.eilertech.com/stories/2007/villainwar.htm#nowwhat )  Did you 
*expect* your predecessors in your One True Faith to *not* shit behind 
bushes?"

"Blasphemer!  Moses had cleanliness rules!"

"Which involved latrines.  Digging holes behind bushes, that is.  But I 
have not come to debate rabbinical doctrine.  This is judgment.  You 
have harbored my enemies."

The Mother Superior scowled but said nothing as Eric X continued.  "You 
lodged Eve St. Marie Lateran here last November.  Here she made deals to 
release her brother Philippe St. Joseph from his duties to me.  Philippe 
then conspired to overthrow the United States Government.  That makes 
him *many* people's enemy.  You will get *no help* from outside."

"Sister Eve came to us under the Sacrament of Confession.  We are bound 
to not reveal that discussion."

"Oh, please.  I already know your Brother Philippe is with the Sisters 
of St. Joseph in Massachusetts.  We will return him to captivity soon 
enough, when we cut off his means of escape.  I'm interested in what 
records you have that helped him *escape* his imprisonment in my 
sovereign nation."

"You claim that island you hide on is sovereign?"

"But of course.  Do you have computers here?  Have you heard of 
*anything*.tv?  My nation Tuvalu *owns* that Internet domain."

"None the less, Tuvalu has no claim here."

"Mother Superior, you must have noticed the news in recent months.  The 
Tea Party Rebellion started in Tennessee.  Right here in Nashville. 
Right outside your nunnery windows.  At *that hotel*."  Eric X pointed 
*away* from the Mother Superior's window view of downtown Nashville. 
She knew he meant the Maxwell House Hotel, still vacant after rioting. 
(http://www.eilertech.com/stories/2010/cauldron2.htm )

The Mother Superior responded, "We had no part in that!"

"My allies are unconvinced.  They will not invade your nunnery 
themselves.  But to them, any physical incursion will be just another 
neighborhood tension to them.  Any computer incursion you claim tonight 
shall not have happened.  And please don't claim rape.  That's why I 
brought the gynecologists."

"Are you claiming sanction from the U.S. Government for your atrocity?"

"Oh, please.  You rule women.  You know the language of sanction.  No 
further comment."

"But-"

An invader gagged the Mother Superior.  Eric X said, "Really.  No 
further comment."

---

WORLD JOURNAL MONTHLY
Msrch 18, 2011

INTERVIEW WITH THE SATANIST!
Reaction to the Villain War?

Correspondent:  Aaron B. Jeremy

---

The World Journal Monthly interviewed Auge von Shaitan outside a Sons of 
Norway lodge in Bothell, Washington, USA.  Policemen had gone to that 
lodge to investigate murders, apparently ritualistic.  The assailant or 
assailants drank some of the victims' blood.

...

(WJM) Sir, how should I address you?

(von Shaitan) Von Shaitan is honor enough.

(WJM) People have accused your Church of Satan of involvement in the 
murders here.  How do you react?

(von Shaitan) The Church of Satan doesn't believe in death.  We believe 
in living life to the fullest, devoid of religious laws.

(WJM) What do you say to reports that you personally were seen here on 
the day of the murders?

(von Shaitan) I am known to have not been involved, for I was seen 
elsewhere at the time.

(WJM) Can you speculate on the motive for the murders, then?

(von Shaitan) There's no denying, blood has power.  Even the Christian 
Scriptures forbid the drinking of blood.  That which is forbidden has 
*extra* power.  Some misguided people within our church might conclude, 
because we forbid the taking of human life, there is power to take it. 
But of course we revere life, for that is all we are given before we die.

(WJM) There's been news this week about another incursion.  What do you 
think of the recent nunnery invasion in Nashville?

(von Shaitan) Satanists believe in liberty, more than *anyone* does.  We 
*deplore* religious oppression, even against Catholic nuns.

(WJM) Do you think there was some ulterior motive to that invasion?

(von Shaitan) The Mother Superior of that place stated that her mind had 
been fogged by an invading mentalist.  In my church we fear this is the 
start of a Federal suppression of all churches, using rogue mentalists 
as pawns.  We specifically would like to ask the location of one Wendie 
Robinson, until recently with a government superhuman team known as The 
Combine.

(WJM) Do you think your church is *specifically* threatened by this 
invasion?

(von Shaitan) Of course Satanists are always suspect.  But I'm confident 
none can find a link between that Catholic nunnery and my own church.

(WJM) Is there some link between your church and the Brother Lateran 
who's at the heart of the case?

(von Shaitan) I know of none.

(WJM) Eric X published a report of a cultist who broke Lateran out of 
captivity in the nation of Tuvalu.  The report says the cultist had 
magic power, said "Hail Satan", and died on the spot.  Do you have any 
comment on this report?

(von Shaitan) In our congregation we do not command.  We say, Do What 
You Will.  Obviously this congregant sympathized with this evil priest 
for some reason known mostly to Our Dark Lord.  The will and magic power 
of this *one* congregant was enough to overwhelm this poor island nation 
security.

(WJM) Might he have had help?

(von Shaitan) Only from those who would help him.  We say, Do What You Will.

(WJM) What do you plan, for you and your church?

(von Shaitan) It's obvious our Earth has been challenged since its orbit 
was changed.  I know that Higher Powers can help us through this time, 
if we only approach them the right way.

(WJM) How would you do that?

(von Shaitan) I would sacrifice all that we hold most important.  I know 
that Christians agree with me on this.  Christians disagree with me on 
what the Higher Power is, even as they quarrel with the rest of the 
world about that.  But the fundamental principle remains.  Sacrifice to 
Higher Power, and you shall retain what it leaves behind, and it shall 
leave you what you need to live.

(WJM) It's easy to *preach* sacrifice.  As a Satanist, you know how 
people sometimes sacrifice in weird ways.  How would *you* tell people 
to sacrifice?

(von Shaitan) I do *not* tell people *how* to sacrifice.  No one in our 
church does that.

(WJM) Do you have a *specific* plan for your own church in this crisis?

(von Shaitan) The prayers of those in our church have revealed the 
coming of certain mystic artifacts.  We believe Higher Power is sending 
them to us.  We shall sacrifice *those*.

(WJM) If mystic artifacts should happen not to arrive to save humanity, 
do you recommend *anything* specific for individuals *or* our society to 
survive the present crisis?

(von Shaitan) Do what you will.

---

World Journal Monthly Editor's Statement, by Joyce Darcy.

I'm pleased to introduce our new reporters:  Bill Blau, Aaron B. Jeremy, 
and Noelle LaRue.  They each have special abilities to track down the 
weird news you know and love.  You saw Bill and Aaron's work in this 
article, and you'll see Noelle's soon.

Please note our editorial policy, just like in the rest of the news 
media.  We have impartial news reporting, and hard-hitting editorials.

That said... Oh, please.  Both Eric X and Auge von Shaitan are full of 
bullshit.  Not just shit, bullshit.  They're both bulls.  They're each 
planning to take over the world, in different ways. Eric wants to 
capture something.  Auge wants something for one of his rituals, and 
he's mad because Eric captured something of his.  They're both evading 
questions about exactly what or how.  Somehow they're on a collision 
course.  I hope they wipe each other out.

---

Author's Notes:

This story takes place before "Britannia Beach". 
(http://www.eilertech.com/stories/2011/britannia_beach.txt )  It's 
basically catch-up, before I tell the world what happened after 
Britannia Beach and before the recent Super-Wizard incursion.

I'm once again letting correspondents cover things it makes sense for 
them to cover, instead of just letting someone from outside (such as the 
infamous Chancellor Wyatt) write the story.  Bill found one thing for 
this story, and Aaron found another.  As for Noelle, "Britannia Beach" 
was her first article, if you'd like to keep track.  You might well 
already guess how Noelle got that scoop, but I'm going to make you 
wonder about the others for a while.

I'm going to be writing stories as quickly as I can until I catch up, 
ideally two per weekend.  I'd guess five more stories are coming.  You 
can actually see the plan at 
http://www.eilertech.com/stories/2011/index.php#discontent .  I'm likely 
to make these all "instant stories", or at best one day for review of 
each one.

... Uh oh, here's one now!  If I don't post it now, I'll never leave it 
alone.

-- 
(signed) Scott Eiler  8{D> -------- http://www.eilertech.com/ ---------

Only their myths concerned peace and contentment, and that in such a
coercive, sullen package it was obvious that the Earth humans resented
the very idea.

- from "Passing" by Elaine Radford, Aboriginal SF, May/June 1987.