LNHY: Looniverse Y #8: 'Just Add Water...'

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer at earthlink.net
Sun Apr 17 15:06:44 PDT 2011

                          _____        _____
                          \    \      /    /
                           \    \    /    /
                            \    \  /    /
                             \    \/    /
                              \        /
                               \      /

   L      O      O      N      I      V      E      R      S      E

                               |     |
                               |     |

                             N U M B E R

                              E I G H T

[Cover:  A large number of panicked people in various swimming apparel 
scream while they run away from something that is coming from the Ocean. 
  Except for a kid wearing a jumpsuit and a domino mask who only says, 

                         'Just Add Water...'

April 17, 2011 --

The Streets of Net.ropolis Y --

Kid Enthusiastic Y squinted his eyes as the powerful beam of light 
coming from the briefcase bathed his face.  And then the light dimmed. 
And there was a beeping noise.  It was coming from some strange 
primitive looking electronic device (something people way back in the 
olden days of 2004 might have used and thought was cool) that was kind 
of heavy.  Maybe his grandparents might know what it was.  But right 
before he could decide whether to cut his trip short to the LNHHQ and go 
to his grandparents (or some other old person) a voice started to speak 
to him.

<:Greetings, New Master of All that is Corrupt!:>

"Whuh?  You talking to me?"

<:Of course.  You are the Leader of the System Corruptors, are you not?:>

"Me?  I think you're a bit confused.  I just opened this briefcase up. 
It's not mine.  I guess I shouldn't have done that, but..."

<:Then you are the leader.  For the first to open this briefcase shall 
be anointed Master of All that is Corrupt!!:>

"Umm.  Okay.  What exactly are you?"

<:I am the New System Corruptor Member Detector!  I have the ability to 
detect new members for your army of darkness!  I also have an entire 
library of knowledge of the art of evil within me -- to aid you in your 
quest to bring this world to its knees.  And I can also be used as an 
AM/FM Radio.:>

"AM/FM?  A radio?  What's that?  Can I text messages to twittime?  Do 
Podcasts?  Download music and movies?  Look at my FaceTube page?  How 
about Apps?  What are the coolest Apps?"

The New System Corruptor Member Detector paused a bit as if trying to 
decipher all of that and then just gave up.  <:I have no idea what 
you're talking about.:>

"Oh.  Well, I guess finding um -- new members for my army of darkness -- 
well, that's kind of cool -- I guess.  Oh wait!  Will this conflict with 
my being a member of the LNH?"

<:What?  You cannot be a member of the LNH and the System Corruptors! 
It is unheard of!!:>

"Oh?  Guess I'll have to turn this down then.  I want to be a member of 
the LNH!!  They're the greatest!!"

<:You cannot turn it down.  Once you opened the case, you became this 
Looniverse's Leader of the System Corruptors!  You shall be it till the 
day you die!!:>

"Are you saying there is no way for someone else to be leader?"

<:No, there are ways.  There is the Contest.:>

"The Contest?  What's that?"

<:It is the System Corruptor method for deciding who the leader should 
be.  It works like this:  Two villains walk into a room.  Only one of 
them steps out.:>

"What happens to the other one?"

<:Do I have to spell it out for you?:>

"Umm."  And then Kid Enthusiastic Y's eyes widened as he got it.  "Oh! 
I see."

<:But as long as no one challenges you for leadership, you should be 
okay.  Just to be safe you should probably do everything I tell you to 
do.  Just to be safe.:>

"Okay!  So, what happens next?"

<:We find some more members.  Ah, yes.  I can sense a new member.  To 
the beach!:>

"Weeee!" shouted Kid Enthusiastic Y.


Deep in the Ocean next to Net.ropolis Y Beach --

Google.mesh! thought a being covered in seaweed and barnacles.  It had 
been trapped down in the Ocean for Ages thanks to that no good meddler. 
  But now the chains that had bound it had grown weak and after years of 
walking on the Ocean floor it could feel dry land oh so near.

It would have its revenge.

Oh yes it would.


Net.ropolis Y Beach --

"Wow!  Waves!!  Look!!" shouted Kid Enthusiastic Y pointed towards the 

<:Yes.  Wonderful.  But let us not lose focus.  We are here to find our 
newest member.:>

"Yay!!  Do you see 'em?"

<:No.  It doesn't appear to have arrived just yet.:>

"Ok-e-doke!  What else is in this?" said Kid Enthusiastic Y opening the 
briefcase up again.  "Ooh!  What is this black swirling stuff?"  Kid 
Enthusiastic Y began to shake a glass sphere that had a rather creepy 
black fog swirling around in it.  "Kind of spooky!"

<:Do not drop that!  I repeat:  Do not drop that!  Just put it black. 
Please -- put it back.:>

"What's in it?"

<:Believe me, you don't want to know.  You really don't want to know. 
Just put it back.  Carefully!:>

"Okay!  How about this?"  Kid Enthusiastic Y took out a book entitled 
'Everything You Always Wanted To Know About The System Corruptors, But 
Were Afraid To Ask' by St. wReavenger Van  Saxdrippseel McHuberyike III. 
  "All the pages are blank!!"

<:Good.  Err -- I mean -- that's a shame.  Just put it back with the 
other items.:>

Kid Enthusiastic Y put the book back and grabbed a bottle filled with 
pills.  SCHQ Pills according to the label.  "What about these?"  Kid 
Enthusiastic Y started to shake the bottle.

<:Do not shake that bottle!  Put that back too!  We'll deal with that 
later -- in someplace a lot dryer than here.  Just put it...:>

"Oh come on!  I just want a little peek!  I'll put them back after I -- 
Hmm.  This has some kind of child proof cap on it.  Let me just..."  As 
Kid Enthusiastic Y tried to pry the cap off the Ocean started to get 
closer and closer to his feet.

<:Please!  Don't Do that!  Just -- Please!!  Listen to me!!!:>

As the Ocean swept over Kid Enthusiastic Y's feet, he could feel some 
progress in getting the cap.  Just need a little more force and then the 
cap would...

And with a snap, the cap flew off and unfortunately so did the entire 
pill bottle.  "Oops," said Kid Enthusiastic Y as he watched the entire 
pill bottle fall into the seawater below him.

And then he noticed that the water was starting to bubble like it was 
boiling.  "Cool!  What's happening?"

<:Run!!  Get out of here!!  It's not safe!!  Run!!:>

"Okay."  And Kid Enthusiastic Y began to run.

<:Wait!  Don't leave me!  Don't leave ME!!:>

<:Oh hell.:>


It had finally reached land.  It pulled the various sea life that had 
attached itself to it as it stepped onto the beach.  As it discarded the 
seaweed, barnacles, clams, lobsters: it revealed itself to have a female 
form.  She also revealed herself to be wearing some type of leather. 
Leather that seemed to be immune to the wear and tear of the sea.  An 
exciting leather at that.  And she also wore something else.

She passed by two girls on beach blankets.

"My god.  Is she wearing what I think she's wearing?" said one of the 
girls.  A girl named Cherry.

"Yeah, she definitely is," said the other girl named Salsa.

"How tacky!  A Strap-on -- in April!  You've got to wonder about these 
people sometimes."

Exciting Leather Strap-On Lass ignored the two bikini clad fashion 
police.  There was only one thought in her ancient evil mind. 

Salsa put her sunglasses down slightly.  "Cherry.  Should the ocean be 

"Nope.  Don't think so."

"Get out of here?"

"Yeah.  Good idea."


NEXT TIME:  Will someone stop the ocean from becoming a zillion or so 
System Corruptor Headquarters??  Is it Tacky to wear a Strap-On in 
April??  Will there be a next issue??  All these questions may or may 
not be answered -- Next Time on Looniverse Y!!!!!



Kid Enthusiastic Y -- Andrew Perron
Exciting Leather Strap-On Lass, Cherry, and Salsa -- Arthur Spitzer
Google.mesh -- Martin Phipps

Writer's Notes:  Okay, the System Corruptors now has a female member -- 
so Kid Enthusiastic Y won't have to get a sex change.

Here's the newest members roster entry:

NAME:  Exciting Leather Strap-on Lass
    CREATED BY:  Arthur Spitzer (arspitzer at earthlink.net)
    TYPE:  Usable Without Permission
    POWERS:  She can survive being under the Ocean for hundreds of years.
    ADD NOTES:  She was Gotta-Luv-Me Lad's first girlfriend made from 
his second nose.  She is the first female and has been alive for over 
12,000 years.  Mother of the Lilim race.  She's a member of the System 
    FIRST ISSUE:  The Daily Super Short-Short Story #5

Yeah, not really sure what her powers are.  Magic I suppose.  I suppose 
she must be powerful if she thinks she can take on Google.mesh.

Arthur "Now Back to Beige Midnight..." Spitzer

More information about the racc mailing list