[LNH/ACRA/WRIMO] Anal-Retentive Archive Kid: A Judicious Use Of Overkill #9

Saxon Brenton saxonbrenton at hotmail.com
Thu Nov 25 16:54:37 PST 2010

Anal-Retentive Archive Kid: A Judicious Use Of Overkill - part 9
A Legion of Net.Heroes miniseries for the RaccoWriMo writing month 
Written by and copyright 2010 Saxon Brenton
     In the end it wasn't the Yakuza gangsters that almost killed Anal-
Retentive Archive Kid.
     The ritual of ascension went well.  Mr Tokufuja and his assistants 
were professionals, and made no mistakes during the quarter hour or so 
as the power built.
     As they proceeded there was a growing sense of immanence.  
Everyone could feel it, even the observers on the sidelines, including 
the clan family members and ARAK himself hidden away out of sync with 
time.  From where she was imprisoned the growing prickle of power was 
causing Elizabeth some physical discomfort in addition to her anxiety.  
But still the shade of Oyabun Sukoyoza did not manifest.
     The ritual neared its climax.  Just another minute or so.  
Mr Tokufuja could now see a darkly glowing silhouette of a figure at 
the focal point of the mystic diagram.  That figure was standing upright 
rather than hunched over with age, and otherwise had a different body 
language to that of the aged Sukoyoza.  For a fraction of a second 
Tokufuja wondered if it was the correct spirit.  He quickly dismissed 
the thought: of course the returned oyabun would manifest in a younger 
and more robust form.  The sorcerer picked up one of several ritual 
     And then he died.  They all died.  One second Mr Tokufuja and his 
audience were there, the next second they were gone - and there wasn't 
even the swirl of dust or the traditional puff of smoke to mark their 
     Elizabeth saw several identical Anal-Retentive Archive Kids 
appear out of nowhere with weapons drawn.  There were eighty-nine of 
him, although she had no way of counting the exact number scattered 
around the balcony.  He/they had immediately fired and the Yakuza had 
all vanished.  Then she saw him/them turn and point his/their collective 
firepower on the glowing figure that had appeared in the diagram adjacent 
to her.
     For his part the not-yet-quite-fully ascended Oyabun Sukoyoza had 
an instant of surprise with just enough time left for a fraction of 
second's worth of rage.  No!  He was so close!  Godhood was almost his!  
He reflexively tried to kill the interloper with a !bazort! of power. 
But he did not have the wherewithal yet, and then eighty-nine beams of 
decreation hit him.
     Elizabeth saw the various ARAKs shuffle their positions, each one 
of them moving over to where one of the others had been standing.  Then 
they disappeared, folding themselves back in time to create the many 
dozen-fold overlap that had made the ambush possible.  That left only 
one of them.  This remaining Anal-Retentive Archive Kid moved up to where 
she was imprisoned and produced a key.
     "Okay, you're safe now," he said.  "Let me get unlock these chains 
and we can get you out of here..."
     "Bastard!" yelled the newly-freed Elizabeth, and she punched ARAK 
with a haymaker to the jaw that knocked him to the floor, landing him 
flat on his backside.
     "You think I'm gonna be impressed with your shit!?" she screamed at 
him.  "You think I'll swoon in your arms just because you came in to play 
white guy hero!?  I'm not gonna be a damsel in distress for you, asshole!" 
Then she kicked him in the junk before storming away into the building 
and presumably down and out into the city.
     It took him several moments to stop seeing stars, and his first 
coherent thought was to be thankful for any lingering effect from the 
strength dampening magics in the shackles.  He had seen Elizabeth in 
action before when she had been reacting in fear and using her full 
strength [In _Limp-Asparagus Lad_ #52 - Footnote Girl].  By rights a 
punch like that should have taken his head clear off.
     He might not have been seeing stars, but when he tried to crawl to 
a standing position it felt like his legs and lower torso where being 
carved off with a blunt saw.  ARAK decided it would be nice to just lie 
on the floor for a little while until the pain went away.
     What had that been about?  ARAK had known that there would be 
aspects of the way he had gone about rescuing Elizabeth that she would 
not have been happy with - specifically the whole 'leave her captured by 
the bad guys so that the mystical ritual would proceed to its climax' - 
which is why he'd planned to leave it unspoken so that perhaps she 
wouldn't have noticed.  But what had actually happened had come out of 
left field.  It made no sense...
     No, be fair.  People acted strangely when they were under stress.  
In the heat of the moment it probably made perfect sense to her.
     Even if it didn't to him.  What the eff was she going on about with 
that 'damsel in distress' line?  Did she think he was trying to hit on 
her or something?  Bullsh!t!  Their lack of common interests meant she'd 
never been more than a casual acquaintance, and his HIV infection meant 
that he'd never even dreamt of intercourse with her - either carnally 
or through erotic haemophagy.  HIV messed up vampires even more than it 
did mortal humans.  All he'd really expected was a simple thank you.
     But it looked like he couldn't even expect that.  So what else was 
     Well, whatever.  He had more important things to do than to worry 
about than the opinions of the fearful or the short sighted.  Time had 
passed, and the pain had gone away for the most part.  He found that he 
could stand upright again, which meant it was time to get back to work.
     Disrupting the plans of Oyabun Sukoyoza had been a minor sidelight.  
Sure it had provided an opportunity to advance ARAK's plan because of the 
way that it had served up a target rich environment.  However the main 
problem was still crime gangs in general.
     Getting rid of them was not feasible.  Even in a best case scenario 
new gangs would form to fill the vacuum.  That was just human nature.
     However scaring the living daylights out of them so that they kept 
their heads down was a plausible goal.
     Because criminals were a cowardly and superstitious lot.
Character credits: 
     Everyone here created by me.
Author's notes:
     Hmm, this makes Elizabeth look like a panic stricken girl, doesn't 
it?  In the interests of balance, here's an alternative interpretation 
of Anal-Retentive Archive Kid from her point of view, taken from 
_Limp-Asparagus Lad_ #53:
|    Up until now she'd had a growing belief that Wendle was prudent and 
| sensible, albeit somewhat over-fond of obscure knowledge. Now it seemed 
| that his reputation on campus as a Viking-wannabe who was too much 
| wrapped in his pride was true after all.   This was a disaster waiting 
| to happen.
     Now, what's the name of the type of dramatic story where the fatal 
flaw of the protagonist brings about their downfall?  Oh yes, a tragedy.
Saxon Brenton   University of Technology, city library, Sydney Australia
     saxon.brenton at uts.edu.au     saxonbrenton at hotmail.com
"These 'no-nonsense' solutions of yours just don't hold water in a complex
world of jet-powered apes and time-travel." - Superman, JLA Classified #3

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