LNH/RACCies: Just Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew Perron in the Return of the RACCies! #8: The Search For Bridey Manga
pwerdna at gmail.com
Sat May 22 18:42:16 PDT 2010
"Your son? But he's the spitting image of..."
"Yes," said the boy. "Of the original Manga Man! But there's no time
for a cliffhanger right now!"
"What could be more important than a revelation like that!?"
"*You* need to go host the RACCies!" And Plot-Error Man's son kicked
Manga Man Violet into the hole.
PREHISTORIC PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS
Just Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew Perron in the Return of the
"THE SEARCH FOR BRIDEY MANGA"
(YES, THE INDIVIDUAL ISSUES HAVE TITLES NOW)
INCREASINGLY UNWIELDY ROLL CALL:
Manga Man Violet/Pointless Awards Man IV: Member of Manga Man's secret
team, the Power Manga, he's on a quest to stop the Hungry Past of the
Bluetooth: Transformed by the Shoe Devil, he seeks redemption in the
form of the Legacy Beam!
Red Herring: Valiant yet more-than-slightly crazy member of FISH Force,
his color is the key to defeating the Continuity Zombies!
Hi-Fi Lorelai: Superheroine transformed by the Legacy Beam into a
Silver Age crimefighter!
Blasferatu: Vampire hunter similarly changed to a Bronze Age
Manga Man Pink: Fellow member of the Power Manga!
Convoluted Origin Man: Hero transformed into a Continuity Zombie and
Plot-Error Man: Created a ridiculously perfect universe out of Just
Imagine Saxon Brenton Presents the RACCies... Again! #6!
Plot-Error Man's son: See the quote!
Plot-Error Man's son, a four-year-old who, even at this age, bore a
startling resemblance to the infamous net.villain known as Manga Man,
looked portentiously up at his elders. "And now that that duty is done
with, there is but one question left... Whatcha get me whatcha get me
whatcha get me!?" He ran to his utterly bemused father, jumping up and
down and stretching out his arms.
Though Plot-Error Man (AKA Ulysses Ploteau) was confused, but picked
him up and patted himself down. "Now, let's see what I've got in...
ah!" He pulled a plastic egg out of a suit-pocket. His son took it
gleefully, hopped down, and cracked it open. There was a little
plastic robot inside, which brought an "Oh, cool!" and a series of
"pchoo pchoo" noises.
Plot-Error Man turned to Bluetooth and said, "So am I... but I think
I've got a clue. Back when I formed the universe, my family got pulled
in too. My two daughters, and my wife... my pregnant wife, who gave
birth soon after." He gestured at the boy. "Thomas Craig Ploteau."
Thomas, AKA "the kid what looks like Manga Man", looked up and nodded.
"And I was a perfectly normal child, until a door opened in my head
just now..." He let go of the robot. "And I... remembered... living,
and dying, and... and my soul--"
He threw himself into his father's legs and began crying, great gasping
sobs of anguish. He was was picked up again, his back patted, soothing
words spoken to calm him. Blasferatu, Manga Man Pink and the Red
Herring went into "good with kids" mode, while Bluetooth, Hi-Fi Lorelai
and Convoluted Origin Man shuffled about awkwardly.
After about ten minutes and several snot-covered tissues, he had
recovered part of his previous calm. "S-sorry about that," he sniffed.
"Um... yeah, I gave myself a memory trigger for when I saw the Power
Manga. Didn't think it'd survive death, let alone rebirth!" He wiped
his nose on his sleeve and chuckled. "Um, after I died during that
thing with the RACCies virus, my soul just kind of floated around. I
couldn't reincarnate, because someone was still using my identity,
living my life."
"Manga Man Gold," nodded Convoluted Origin Man. "I was there, when
Manga Man Black died and you sacrificed yourself."
"Died?" Tom Ploteau frowned. "No... Manga Man Black is still alive!"
Everyone gasped, but Tom waved his hands. "Wait, wait, that's not the
exposition I'm giving right now. So, my soul was floating. It was
okay, I didn't feel like going back into samsara yet anyway. But
after... timelessness, I could feel myself being drawn somewhere.
There was something I needed to... balance? I let myself get pulled
in, and..." He opened his arms. "This."
Plot-Error Man looked worried. "Did I cause some kind of imbalance?
Other than the ripping-a-chunk-out-of-time kind?"
Tom hugged him. "I don't think it was you, Dad."
A fwoosh! came from the corner of the room. Manga Man Violet stepped
out of a door-shaped portal, holding his Pointless Awards Man IV suit
in a dry-cleaning bag. "Hey, guys... um, what happened?"
While Manga Man Pink relayed the exposition to him, everyone else took
the chance to sack out on the couch and watch TV. The RACCies of this
alternate world were showing on every channel. "They used to do
exclusive deals," said Plot-Error Man, "until it got so popular that
they were declared a global treasure. Now every country in the world
just donates part of their GDP."
Bluetooth opened his mouth, closed it, and shook his head.
They watched as Stephen Hawking and Douglas Adams co-presented RACC37,
Best Pseudoscientific Exposition Leading To A Real-Life Scientific
Discovery. Jaelle won for the chemical formula which gave Alys Simons
her powers in LNH: The Even Newer Frontier, and which had become the
treatment that saved the cryogenically frozen Jack Kirby. They left
the stage, and someone else walked on...
The Red Herring squinted at the TV. "Who's that nattily-dressed yet
slightly sinister man?"
"Pointless Awards Man IV: The Voyage Home, of course," said Tom.
"What!?" exclaimed Manga Man Violet. "Not unless I've been
"And not," said Convoluted Origin Man, "unless you've been
shapeshifting - into the original Manga Man!"
Everyone gasped! (Except the Red Herring, who was taking the
opportunity to raid the fridge.)
Hi-Fi Lorelai turned to Tom. "So, *this* is Manga Man Black, right?"
He shook his head. "No... in that last battle, I saw it..."
-----------<Just Imagine Saxon Brenton Presents>-----------
-----------<the RACCies #25: The Final Battle!>-----------
Manga Man Gold's upside-down castle, floating above the LNHHQ!
The robot duplicates of Innovative Offense Boy, Namer Boy,
Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad and Cheesecake Eater Lad lay on the ground
far below. The originals, along with Catalyst Lass, Doctor Stomper,
Ordinary Lady, Sing-Along Lass, Bandwagon Chick, Master Blaster, Sister
State-the-Obvious, aLLiterative Lass, Captain Napalm, New Look Lass,
Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr., and Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr.'s robot duplicate,
stood to one side of the great dueling field.
To the other stood the LNH strike force that had rescued them, composed
of Ultimate Ninja, Deja Dude, Kid Enthusiastic, Adamant
Authority-on-Everything and Convoluted Origin Man. Nearby, Occultism
Kid hovered over the unconscious Bluetooth and Firewire, a mystic sigil
of protection against net.demonic influence surrounding them.
And in the middle stood Manga Man Gold. Cages of pure energy floated
to either side of him, holding Manga Man White and Manga Man Black,
each pounding on the forcefield walls.
Far in the back was Boysenstrawblue Alan "Steve" Berry, gasping as he
pulled himself upright. "Stupid infinite stairs... should have just
taken the elevator..."
"Give up, Gold!" shouted Ultimate Ninja. "We've taken out your robots,
exposed your shell game, and stopped your plan to cause chaos in the
Manga Man Black spoke up. "Actually, that was *my* plan."
Manga Man Gold smirked. "Indeed... you never figured out my true plan.
And now, you'll never get the chance..." He took out a small
composition notebook and flipped it open. On the cover was written
"Now," he said, clicking a pen, "whose name shall I write in first?"
"No!" Manga Man White's energy-cage shattered, and he leapt onto Gold's
back. They grappled! Cheesecake-Eater-Lad raised his cheesecake
blasters but Bandwagon Chick held him back; they couldn't risk hitting
the wrong one.
Manga Man Black gaped in horror as White grabbed the pen. "Everybody
RUN!" he shouted, as he held tight to Gold and wrote his own name in
The Legion dove for cover, and five seconds later, a senses-shattering
explosion shook the field.
And when their ears stopped ringing and they stood back up, all that
was left was one badly burnt Manga Man in gold armor.
"...but it wasn't Manga Man Gold," said Tom, who had, while narrating,
climbed on top of the TV. "At the last moment, I saw it. Gold's
smirking visage blurred, and Black's confused expression appeared in
"He must have switched places with Black, then teleported away before
the blast," reasoned Manga Man Pink.
"Leaving us to think that we'd caught the mastermind, and all loose
ends had been eliminated."
"The one we had seemed confused when we were questioning him," said
Convoluted Origin Man. "Maybe the blast rattled his brains."
"Or maybe Gold did something to his memories," said Blasferatu. "I
mean, we still don't know where the Harlem the other two came from.
Frig, kid, I hate to say it, but can we even be sure you're the
Tom frowned. "I remember everything, now. Doctor Killfile, the Otaku
Empire, that... one fuzzy lady?"
"Skunk Girl?" asked the Red Herring.
"Anyway, I wouldn't think false memories would last past death. Of
course, I didn't think real ones would either!" He shrugged. "At least
I know I'm the only one of me this time around."
"Unless you've got a twin brother your parents never told you about,"
noted Manga Man Pink.
Everyone looked at Plot-Error Man.
"What? No! Of course not!"
"Well then," said Manga Man Violet, "it looks like we've got two goals.
First, go and deal with whatever Manga Man Gold's evil scheme is."
"I know I'm probably the last one to be asking this," said Tom, "but
how do we know he even *has* an evil scheme? I mean, I've been a bit
busy with things like learning to walk and counting to ten, but I'm
pretty sure he's been a beloved TV personality for years!"
"He might not. He might be in the same boat as you, even. But better
safe than sorry. Besides, if we weren't supposed to face him, why
would he be on TV?"
"This *is* the Plot Convenience Network," noted Hi-Fi Lorelai.
"Second," continued Violet, "we need to get down to the center of the
Just Imagine Saxon Brenton Presents the RACCies... Again! #6
universe... look, I'm just going to call it the Sixniverse, okay?
Okay. Do that so that Plot-Error Man can affect the Hungry Past."
"I've been thinking about that," said P-EM. "By itself, my power simply
manipulates what's already there. We need to actually create something
new, and I think the not-quite-defined power that you've been tapping
into to fight the Continuity Zombies can do it."
"All right then, three goals! Deal with Manga Man Gold, go to the
center of the Sixniverse, and go *back* to the Looniverse and collect
all the color-based heroes we can."
"I think it's time... to split up!"
My plan to introduce ever-younger characters proceeds apace!
The flashback is my attempt to give the original Just Imagine cascade
an actual ending. I made sure to include every LNHer who'd been in the
original, minus Kid Recap (since he was only in the recaps) and Lurking
Girl (I assumed her original inclusion was a mistake, since she's been
reserved for longer than I've been on Usenet), and plus Convoluted
Origin Man (I needed someone in the main plot who'd been at the final
battle, other than the compromised Bluetooth).
Manga Man created by Craig Thomas Judd
Pointless Awards Man IV (aka Manga Man Violet) created by Jesse Willey
Never-Gets-Credit-For-His-Dialogue Lad created by Arthur Spitzer, turned
into Bluetooth by Jamie Rosen
Power Manga created by Jamie Rosen
Red Herring created by Kieran O' Callaghan
Convoluted Origin Man created by Matt Rossi
Plot-Error Man created by Jef Kolodziej
Blasferatu and Hi-Fi Lorelai created by Andrew Perron
Ah, dangit, there's the characters from the flashback, too...
Namer Boy, Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad and Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr.
created by Arthur Spitzer
Cheesecake-Eater Lad created by Matthew Jotham Millheiser
Catalyst Lass created by Elisabeth Riba
Doctor Stomper created by T.M. Neeck
Ordinary Lady and Deja Dude created by Martin Phipps
Sing-Along Lass created by Jameel al Khafiz
Bandwagon Chick created by Sue Clark
Master Blaster created by Robert Ramirez and Martin Phipps
Sister State-the-Obvious, Ultimate Ninja and Adamant
Authority-on-Everything created by wReam
aLLiterative Lass and New Look Lass created by Charles Fitzgerald
Occultism Kid created by Josh Geurink
Innovative Offense Boy and Captain Napalm created by an unknown writer
Kid Enthusiastic, Firewire and Boysenstrawblue Alan "Steve" Berry
created by Andrew Perron
Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, and now, to play more Pac-Man on
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