[LNH] [RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew Perron in the Return of the RACCies! #3
pwerdna at gmail.com
Sun Sep 27 16:21:13 PDT 2009
Pointless Awards Man IV had stood. One eye was cast in shadow, while
the other gleamed in the light. A wind came out of nowhere, blowing
it out of its tight, moussed prison and into shifting spikes.
"Have you ever wondered who I was before the Grapety Purple Man made
me his herald? Did you stop to think that I might have had power
beyond what he granted me?"
The tuxedo dissolved, revealing sleek, technological armor. PAM IV's
eyes flashed purple.
"I've been purple for a long time."
"I am... MANGA MAN VIOLET!"
PREHISTORIC PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS
THE NEXT EVOLUTION OF IMAGINING RACCIES
A STORY THAT ACTUALLY MIGHT FINISH
Just Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew Perron in the Return of the
Suddenly, the secret government warehouse where Manga Man Violet (aka
Pointless Awards Man IV: The Voyage Home), along with Bluetooth (aka
Never Gets Credit For His Dialogue Lad), had been fighting the
mysterious Interim Iconoclasts (aka Some Guys Who Appeared Out Of
Nowhere When Bluetooth Accidentally Shot The Crystal Containing "Just
Imagine Saxon Brenton Presents The RACCies Again! #6" With The Legacy
"No..." said Manga Man Violet, staring at the ceiling. "It's the third
Suddenly, the Interim Iconoclasts broke out of the reverie that MM
Violet's transformation sequence had induced and leapt at him. He
dodged a whip, a flail, and a grappling hook, then flipped into the air
and landed in an Iconoclast's face.
He ducked as a ninja-to swung past. "Oh, c'mon!" he shouted. "You call
that a melee weapon? It's made for stealth! Not like--" A bardiche
whistled past him. "--this thing! That guy coulda chopped me in half."
The ninjaish Iconoclast paused in her attack. "What? That's
ridiculous! No poleaxe could be half as elegant!"
The other Iconoclast stopped as well. "Hah! Elegance? There's no
place for pretty things on the battlefield!"
"Now wait a moment," interrupted another wielding a finely-crafted
chain. "Elegance is one thing, but there's certainly room for
Several other Iconoclasts had slowed in their attacks to watch the
growing argument, and Manga Man Violet knew that this moment, before
they could be urged back to battle, was the time to use his powers.
"You know what would solve this argument?"
They turned to him, as one.
"A fighting tournament!"
And suddenly, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. The
Iconoclasts broke up, discussing pairings and asking their rivals not
to allow anyone else to defeat them.
"What? Tournament!?" shouted their leader, rapping his
glaive-guissarme on the floor. "No! Defeat the net.hero!"
But apparently, this was the drawback to leading a group defined by
their differences; they did as they liked. Manga Man Violet slipped
out the back door carrying Bluetooth under one arm and the "Just
Imagine... Again! #6" crystal in the other.
Shadows pooled in the corners of the alley. All was silent except for
a low, rumbling moan from within the sewers. Could've been a pocket of
gas, released by the evening rain. Could've been a demon of repressed
hate, rising out of the city's leavings to kill.
Longinus was going to find out.
The half-vampire detective, black of skin and dark of mind, wore the
night like an expertly tailored suit. He readied a holly stake and
prepared to lift the drain cover when a familar rustling came at the
edge of hearing.
Longinus leapt as a green blur rushed past. The green was a shade
midway between forest and olive, and as he landed on a fire escape, it
resolved into the cape of an old man, tall, with gray hair, a regal,
arrogant bearing, and great bushy eyebrows.
"Elam," the man smirked. "Fancy you'd be here."
"Jackson," Longinus spat. "Just because I didn't kill you for turning
my mother doesn't mean I won't kill you now."
The vampire sighed. "Mortals are *so* impatient. Now I'm going to have
to take half an hour to explain to you yet again why you should come to
the dark side, join with me, go full vampire, renounce your mortal ties,
stop having sexual and romantic tension with that girl who hangs around
your office all the time..."
A burst of blazing energy thankfully cut him off. A column of
reddish-brown energy enveloped Longinus in brilliant relief, and after
it faded away, he was different...
"Elam?" said Jackson, leaning over but keeping his guard up.
"Naw, night-honkey," said the man who stood. His hair had curled and
stood on end, and he'd acquired a moustache, a goatee, and muttonchops.
His stealth outfit had been replaced by a bright yellow leather jacket
and blue bell-bottoms, and around his neck was a great gold necklace
with a huge golden cross inlaid with diamonds, rubies, emeralds, and
who knew what else hanging from it. "You're talkin' to Blasferatu!"
Manga Man Violet peeked out of the abandoned HD-DVD wholesaler outlet.
"Looks like the coast is clear." Bluetooth sat, woozy but recovering,
next to him.
"So... y'r a Manga Man robot too?"
Manga Man Violet (look, let's just call him Violet for a bit) scowled.
"No, no. I'm a member of the Power Manga."
"Remember, in the first RACCies cascade, there were those anonymous
RACC readers? And at one point, they transformed into
variously-colored Manga Men, and then never appeared again?"
"...we're really doing that."
"Yes, so close your inadequately-attributed pie hole." Violet leaned
back as Bluetooth rolled his eyes. "Yep, those were the days. There
was Red, Blue, Yellow, Green, and ol' Pink."
"So, if you're not robots, what's the deal?"
"Y'see, back in early 1996, Manga Man-- I'm honestly not sure which
one-- brought together six young anime fans. He gave them powers and a
solemn mission - to advance the cause of anime and manga whereever and
whenever they could. Thus, the Power Manga was born."
And then Pokemon came out, and anime and manga were everywhere. So we
just sort of faded into the background, anonymously monitoring the
newsgroup for places we could step in and help out." Violet shrugged.
"I see... so why weren't you in the group that appeared before?"
"I'm the sixth member. We always show up late."
Bluetooth shook his head.
"Naturally. So what do we do now?"
Violet sighed. "I don't know. I mean, it's the third issue!"
"What's so bad about the third issue? It's certainly longer than I
expected this storyline to go!"
"Don't you see? Three issues by the same author. The pretense of a
RACCies cascade has faded away, and with it, the last thing holding
back the Hungry Past of the Looniverse..."
Phoenix Down, that repugnant reprobate of resurrection, cackled in
glee. "Now that I've translated the Pebkacotic Manuscripts, no one can
stop me from finding the Dagon Balls and bringing back Sig.Lad as
A breeze blew, and Phoenix Down shivered. "Bah! When I bought this
Mausoleum of Malice off craigslistserv, I was informed there was
The wind picked up. In the gray granite vault, an unnatural chill
rose. Phoenix Down's breath coalesced, and he realized this was no
ordinary cold snap... right before the universe tore away.
He could feel his soul being ripped from its moorings. Something was
pulling at him, weakening his connection to the world, to the people he
knew, to the reasons he did what he did -- his past was literally being
When the screaming ended, the man who had once been Phoenix Down lay on
the stone floor. He staggered to his feet, and even in the low light
of the mausoleum, cast no shadow. His eyes were empty, and his outline
slightly indistinct. Lurching forward in response to a distant call,
he moaned a single word...
Author's Note: Hah! Told you I'd make it an ongoing series!
The origin of Longinus's name may not be obvious. Basically, I was
looking to combine Marvel's Blade and Buffy's Angel. (I pondered doing
a homage to the hentai OAV "Angel Blade", but decided against it.) I
looked to see if there were any named swords associated with Biblical
angels, but didn't come up with anything, so I decided to take a
half-step back in each direction and just go for a Christian relic
weapon. Thus, the Lance of Longinus, aka the Spear of Destiny.
Is the Blackest Night parody going to go any further than this? Not
sure, really, although I do already have a Blue and a Violet...
Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, hmmmmmm.
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