HYPE/LNH: The Bart Age Begins... Now!

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer at earthlink.net
Thu Sep 24 17:41:46 PDT 2009

30-Year-Old Comic Reader stared sadly at the stand of new comics.  "It's 
no longer like it used to be.  I remember a time."  His eyes drifted off 
to a gentler time.  "A time when Long Haired Molotov Cocktail Throwing 
Sex Pistol T-Shirt Wearing Rebels were in charge of DC and Marvel.  No 
more.  Now the corporations rule!  They rule all!"  He picked a comic 
book up and looked at the price.  "And I remember a time when you could 
go into a comic book with a ten dollar bill and  buy -- Three Whole 
Comics!  Yes, that's right -- Three!  I guess those days are over."

"Yep, it's a shame," said the Overweight Stereotypical Comic Book Store 

"I mean where's a 30 year old comic reader supposed to go to find some 
superhero literature that isn't controlled by -- The Man?  Or -- The 
Wo-Man?  And if he should find something he likes, he'll mostly likely 
have to pay something for it?  Yes, pay!  But what if he doesn't want to 
pay -- what if he wants to read it for free?  Then what?  What does he do?"

"There's a pickle," said the Overweight Stereotypical Comic Book Store 
Owner stroking his Van Dyke.  "Wait!  I think I might have something! 
Have you ever heard of the -- Legion of Net.Heroes?"

"The LNH?"

"Yes, The LNH!  No Corporation rules this baby!  No, ever since 1992 it 
has had K.Oss as Publisher and Anarky as Editor and Chief!  The LNH is 
beyond our petty little Materialistic Capitalistic Corporation Culture! 
  No one can stop whatever zany, wacky ideas LNH Writers have!  Not even 
God!  The Mouse will never own the LNH!  Never!!!  It Will Always be 
Free!!!  Free Forever!!!!!!  As Waylon Jennings once aptly remarked, 
'Someday the Mountain may get them, but the Law -- Never will.'  Amen."

"Oh yeah!  The LNH!  I remember the LNH!  Wow!" 30-Year-Old Comic 
Reader's drifted back to a kinder and gentler age.  "Yeah, I used to 
read that all the time.  They were my favorite!  I used to love reading 
LNH comics -- well before Beige Midnight that is.  Before Beige Midnight 
sucked all the life out of it and ruined whatever enjoyment I had for 
it.  But, heck, it's 2009 right?  I mean Beige Midnight is probably over 
by now, right?  I mean it has to be.  There's no way it's still going 
on, Right?  All the LNH Writers are probably doing something completely 
new to advance the superhero genre and literature itself that has 
nothing to do with Beige Midnight.  Right?  Well, Damn it -- I guess I 
will take another stab at reading the LNH.  So what's the newest thing 
out?  What's completely fresh?  I want the freshest LNH comic you have! 
  Hell, give me ten -- since they're free!"

The Overweight Stereotypical Comic Book Store Owner looked at the huge 
stack of Beige Midnight #5 comics behind 30-Year-Old Comic Reader's 
back.  He looked and sighed.  "Umm -- on the other hand maybe you'd 
prefer to read some nice 8FOLD comics?  Yeah, 8FOLD there's a comic for 
rebels!  Or how about ASH?  Just don't turn around.  Don't -- turn around."

The Winner of the 2008 RACCies for Best Mini and Best Arc -- Returns!





Arthur "Still Free..." Spitzer

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