[LNH] [RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew Perron in the Return of the RACCies! #5

Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Thu Nov 12 15:26:08 PST 2009

"The Hungry Past has started consuming the Looniverse."

"First we need to get more people to project the other colours of the
spectrum, so that we can immediately dispose of any more continuity
zombies that show up.  Then, once we've protected ourselves against the
Hungry Past's cannon fodder troops, we get down to the serious business
of stopping the Hungry Past itself."

"How many net.heroes would there be with colour themes?"

"More than you can possibly imagine!  And it will be kewl to watch
zombies explode under the full rainbow spectrum!"






Just Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew Perron in the Return of the
RACCies! #5



The evening wind blew Manga Man Violet's spiky hair around.  The 
Limp-Asparagus Force was flowing again, but the Hungry Past's teeth were 
already in this world.  Still, it was a ray of hope.

He looked over at his comrades.  The Red Herring was floating in the air 
and counting off on his, um, flippers. "Thusly, we must first gather more 
chromatic comrades--" He was interrupted by Bluetooth.

"No, first we have to get the Legacy Beam from the Interim Iconoclasts."

"Actually," replied Manga Man Violet, "first we have to figure out the 
mystery of the Just Imagine Saxon Brenton Presents the RACCies Again #6 
Crystal, track down the heroes affected by the Legacy Beam discharge, and 
find out the true origin of Manga Men White, Black, and Gold."

"Um, I don't think we're supposed to know about those last two."

"What, really?" Manga Man Violet shifted the Issue Six Crystal to his other 
arm, dug around inside his neato stylized hi-tech armor, and pulled out the 
composition notebook of vague ideas. (What, you thought this had a script?) 
"Hmmm... yeah, okay.  But we still need to figure out the crystal."

"For the love of sweet little koi, why!?" exclaimed the Flying 
Indestructible Super-Herring. "We gotta set up the big fight with the 
continuity zombies!"

Manga Man Violet shook his head. "I love an action scene as much as the 
next guy, but there's no sense in wasting our time on the mooks when we can 
take out the big bad.  The power held within this..." He held the crystal 
in the air, where it glittered in the sunset, and Bluetooth considered it. 
"...is the key."

"But what *is* the power?"

"I have absolutely no idea," replied Manga Man Violet. "But it smells of 
fractured time and tastes of fantasies fulfilled, and it haunts my dreams 
each night."

"...you *tasted* it?"

"Shush." Manga Man Violet turned to the crystal and frowned. "Hmmm... ah, 
that's right, we can kill two birds with one stone."

"Defenseless birdies!?" angrily queried the Red Herring, floating over 
Manga Man Violet's shoulder. "I won't stand for it!" Bluetooth rolled his 

"No, no, it's too late in the story for the superhero misunderstanding 

"Oh." The flying fish slumped.

"We'll take the crystal to the Power Manga base.  That way, we can analyze 
it and pick up a whole spectrum of Manga Men." Manga Man Violet looked back 
and forth and started walking towards Scav Ave.

"Avast and away~" The Red Herring zipped through the air.

"One other thing. How was a Saxon Brenton RACCies cascade supposed to 
protect us from the Hungry Past in the first place?"

"It makes the universe taste like overcooked asparagus.  I mean, would 
*you* want to eat that?"


The tolerably terrific trio walked up to a nondescript building, old but 
not classic, with faded sodapop slogans on the side.  Bluetooth had gotten 
twitchy halfway there and started narrating about the city being like an 
animal husbandry major, but a few slaps with a fish had brought him out of 

Manga Man Violet had lifted out a loose brick and stooped down.  The 
retinal scanner confirmed his unrealistic eye color and the door slid open.

The innards of the base were half shiny, vaguely 70s-ish technological 
citadel and half comfortable college apartment. "Guys?" called Manga Man 
Violet as he walked up the stairs-slash-firepole. "Man, they should be 
here. Tuesday at seven is usually their D&D night."

"What, not Big Eyes Small Mouth?"

"Well, they *are* on a quest to seal epic abominations in ancient artifacts 
that take the form of small red-and-white balls."

"I'm sorry I asked."

Someone was typing in the next room over.  It turned out to be a young man 
in a pair of jeans and a rumpled T-shirt that proclaimed that he had been 
raised by a cup of coffee.  Both garments had once been blue, but it seemed 
like someone had gotten halfway through tie-dying them and then 
reconsidered; light red stains bloomed at random over the fabric.  On his 
head were a pair of chunky, retro-cool headphones issuing a faint stream of 
guitars and syncopation.

Manga Man Violet tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, Anonymous RACC Reader 

The man turned and gave a tired smile. "Hey, The Voyage Home." He cocked 
his head at the Fish and the 'Tooth. "Thought we agreed not to bring dates 
home without calling ahead."

"Har har har.  Bluetooth, Red Herring, this is Manga Man Pink.  My fellow 
Mangateer, this is a mildly crazy net.hero and an extremely crazy fish.  
We're mid-adventure, and we need a bunch of color-themed supporting 
characters to back up the real heroes, so of course I thought of you."

Manga Man Pink stuck out his tongue. "Well, you're out of luck.  The others 
are off on a space mission."

Manga Man Violet raised an eyebrow. "That seems oddly proactive of them."

"Well... by 'mission' they really meant 'convention'.  You remember, the 
Otaku Empire was throwing ConTrolOverTheEntireGalaxy?"

"Oh yeaaaaah." Manga Man Violet walked over and put the crystal in the 
Subatomic Analysis Unit and Rice Cooker.  "Last year they had three 
thousand video rooms, and at two AM on Saturday all of them were playing 
the live-action Sailor Moon.  Why didn't you go?"

Manga Man Pink shrugged. "Eh, I got kinda burned out after that tour of the 
doujinshi circuit."

"Oh, right.  Well, Waldo/Carmen: Legendary Midnight Sonata was really 

"Thanks." Manga Man Pink stood and stretched. "Well, if you need some 

His lanky frame exploded with energy.  The background faded into a spinning 
blue field flecked with sparkles.  His clothes dissolved into a field of 
coruscating energy.  Pieces of armor flew in from offscreen, wrapping 
around his body and locking closed with a reflective flash and a "ting".  
His suit complete, he struck a dramatic pose.

"Manga Man Pink is up for anything!"

Manga Man Violet shook his head. "I keep *telling* you.  That catchphrase 
is way too easy to misinterpret."

His armored friend relaxed. "Yeah, well... hey, where'd those other guys 

Manga Man Violet looked around. "...uh-oh."

The pair of Power Manga raced downstairs... to find Bluetooth and the Red 
Herring sitting, drinking coffee, laughing and chatting with three 

The girl in the pigtails and cape and the man in the hideously-bright 
jacket put down their cups and saucers and waved to Violet and Pink. "Hi 
there!" "Greetins'!"

They blinked.  Bluetooth looked up.

"Oh hey.  These guys were making a ruckus outside the building.  I didn't 
want to be... unfriendly, so I invited them inside." An eyelid twitched. 
"...must... not... be... unfriendly..."

Manga Man Violet facepalmed.  Manga Man Pink sighed. "Right, well.  
Introductions are in order."

The girl stood up. "I, Hi-Fi Lorelai, was patrolling the streets of my home 
city of Net.ropolis!  One of my arch-nemeses, the evil Doctor Digideroo, 
appeared, and while I was using my inborn mutant powers of superhuman pixel 
density to defeat him, I was affected by a strange silvery radiance, 
emanating from apparently nowhere!  My clothing and powers were obviously 
affected by the beam, and my pattern of speech was altered, causing me to 
exposit about whatever I was doing at the time!  Then I ran into these 

"...okay, and you?"

The man stood up. "Blasferatu's the name, stakin' vamps is the game.  I was 
wranglin' with a bloodsucker creep when I got zapped from the sky, and then 
Little Miss Stereo-Skirt and this other guy showed up.  Figured they had 
somethin' to do with it, so we threw down."

"Right. And you?"


"Aw criminy."

The third figure rose from the easy chair, shambling forward, its coffee 
dripping on the nice clean carpet.  It was dressed in a tattered leather 
jacket over a tattered Civil War uniform over a tattered gymnast's unitard, 
and its face was familiar... Bluetooth gasped.

"Convoluted Origin Man!?"

"I didn't know he was dead!" exclaimed the Red Herring.

"He's not," replied Manga Man Violet grimly. "I understand now.  The Hungry 
Past isn't raising the dead.  It's taking hold of those whose ties to the 
Looniverse as we know it are weak, shredding their pasts, making them 
hungry for the pasts of others -- hungry for our continuity!"

"I coulda explained that," muttered Blasferatu.  He dodged as Convoluted 
Origin Zombie made a quick, agile grab. "Hate these damfool fast zombies 
from those damfool Hollywood movies!"

"Quick, everyone!  Think colorful thoughts!" Manga Man Pink concentrated, 
and coruscating pink energy played over the continuity zombie's features.  
Manga Man Violet, Bluetooth, and the Red Herring joined in.  The zombie 
slowed, but continued inexorably forward.

A bell sounded over the din of battle.  Manga Man Violet was careful not to 
break his concentration as he stepped back and glanced at the Subatomic 
Analysis Unit and Rice Cooker. "Thickness of... universe layer?  What--"

As Manga Man Violet's fingertips brushed the crystal, purple lightning 
sparked from his fingertips.  A cyan-yellow-magenta-black flash illuminated 
the room with blinding radiance, and when it had faded, all was silent...


Author's note: Woo!

I call dibs on #6, simply because that's going to be what was meant as the 
second half of this one before I realized how long it was getting.

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, to the future!

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