LNH/RACCies: Just Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew Perron in the Return of the RACCies! #4
saxonbrenton at hotmail.com
Sun Nov 1 14:25:10 PST 2009
[LNH/RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew Perron in the Return of the RACCies! #4
Bluetooth shook his head.
"Naturally. So what do we do now?"
Violet sighed. "I don't know. I mean, it's the third issue!"
"What's so bad about the third issue? It's certainly longer than I
expected this storyline to go!"
"Don't you see? Three issues by the same author. The pretense of a
RACCies cascade has faded away, and with it, the last thing holding
back the Hungry Past of the Looniverse..."
And then, suddenly, a title page happened.
Just Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew Perron in the Return of the RACCies! #4
'And Then, Suddenly' by Saxon Brenton
"Whoa. Well, there you go then, Manga Man Violet. There's a new
writer involved, so I guess this story counts as a cascade again."
Manga Man Violet gazed speculatively at the title credits before
answering Bluetooth, aka Never-Gets-Credit-For-His-Dialogue Lad, but
even then he looked dubious and rocked his outstretched hand from side
to side in a gesture of 'maybe, maybe not'. "We'll see," he said. "Full
points for getting Saxon Brenton involved, but it may be that by now the
damage has been done and this will only count as a stop-gap." His face
set into a look of grim resolve. "We need to see if the Hungry Past has
actually started manifesting itself. But even if it has, we may still
be able to assess and cauterise the damage."
Bluetooth raised a sardonic eyebrow. Manga Man Violet was making
a big assumption with the use of that 'we'. It was MMViolet's self-
appointed task to start and/or maintain a RACCies cascade in order to
keep the void-like Hungry Past from eating the Looniverse. In fact,
thinking back on the various antics of the previous 'Just Imagine...'
cascades, it was something that Manga Man Violet had been working on as
far back as the second storyline, when he had still been working under
the name of Pointless Awards Man IV: The Voyage Home.
Whereas he, Bluetooth, was only interested in finding the Legacy
Beam and using it to cure his 'medical condition'. Manga Man Violet
knew this. Hell, Bluetooth had exposited this fact to him only four
issues previously in this very cascade! Why was he assuming that
Bluetooth cared about his quixotic quest...?
Argh! No! That was the grim-n-gritty talking! That type of self-
centred attitude was exactly what Bluetooth was trying to escape from.
Think happy thoughts! Mom and apple pie. Little League baseball on a
summer's afternoon. Puppies (Alive! And not in pain!) Norman
"Bluetooth?" asked Manga Man Violet.
"Sorry. I was miles away. What did you say?"
"I said, we need some way of finding if there have been any zombie
"Uh, well there's always Sleeps-With-Anything-Alive Lass."
"I mean recent ones," said MMViolet. "As the Hungry Past moves in
it will use some of the more powerful individuals that it overcomes, and
instead of totally consuming them it will transform them into minions.
Since the Hungry Past is the antithesis of dynamic, living, four-colour
comics it will change them into..."
"Please don't tell me it will fade them down to beige coloured
wraiths under its control. We *really* don't need another Beige Midnight
Manga Man Violet scowled. "No. The Bryttle Brothers cause decay,
which means everything fades to beige. But the Hungry Past wants to eat
everything and turn the Looniverse into a darkness filled void, so it will
take the light and life out of everything and turn them black."
And then, suddenly, the zombiefied corpse of Phoenix Down smashed
through the door to the wholesaler outlet where the two of them had been
holed up since escaping from the incidental menace of the Interim
Iconoclasts. The creature moaned "...continuity..." before lunging at them.
"Well crap, here's trouble," said Manga Man Violet.
"No, there's two of us and only one of it."
"No! Be careful!" MMViolet shouted as Bluetooth rushed forward.
"Remember the Law of Conservation of Ninjitsu! An army of mooks can be
mown down like cannon fodder, but one of them will be enough to kick
your..." And then Phoenix Down smashed Bluetooth across the face with
a zombiefied backhand, dropping the young net.hero to his knees. It was
fortunate for Bluetooth the zombie's attention was primarily focused on MMV.
Manga Man Violet licked his lips in a mixture of anticipation and
dread. Well, this was it. He was face to face with one of the Hungry
Past's continuity zombies. He knew in theory what he could do to defeat
this shambling abomination, but he'd never tried it before. I mean,
obviously he'd never had the opportunity to try.
Manga Man Violet cleared his mind and turned his back on his fear.
Instead he focused his attention on the colour purple. He visualised
purpleness surrounding the zombie as it shambled towards him, and imagined
the purple causing it pain, tearing it apart, causing it to be destroyed.
Then he projected that image at the zombie with all of his willpower.
Bluetooth looked up groggily. Ow. How the hell had that happened?
Bluetooth had beaten Samuel L. Jackson unconscious in _Just Imagine Saxon
Brenton's RACCies on a Plane Filled with Killer Ninja Gorillas!_ #3, but
now he'd been smacked down by a mere zombie. That Law of Conservation of
Ninjitsu must be potent stuff!
As he looked around Bluetooth saw Manga Man Violet standing unmoving
as the zombie closed in on him, and assumed that the Asian youth has been
struck immobile with fear. Hey, it happens to the best of us from time
to time. He got to his feet and was about to try and crash tackle the
zombie when he saw MMViolet raise a hand in the zombie's direction and a
flicker of the colour purple skitter across the zombie's cadaverous body.
The zombie paused, as if uncertain. Then it continued lurching towards
Manga Man Violet again.
"Manga Man! Move!"
Manga Man Violet started backing away. "Bluetooth!" he called.
"Think blue at it!"
"Think blue at it! The Hungry Past wants to turn the whole Looniverse
dark, and that means its zombies are vulnerable to vibrant colours. I was
able to slow it down by thinking purple at it, so we may be able to chase
it off if you think blue at it as well. Imagine it being attacked by blue!"
Manga Man Violet rolled his eyes. "More insane than anything else
that's happened since the start of the first Just Imagine cascade?" he
demanded. "Or anything else that net.heroes get involved in generally?
Just aggressively think blue at it, will you."
Bluetooth was about to counter with a snarky comment, but saw that
Manga Man was already mentally hurling purple at the zombie, causing it to
slow even further as it flickered with a purple glow. Oh well, here goes
nothing. He glared at the zombie, imagining it being corroded away in a
crackle of electric blueness. The zombie came to a stop and seemed to
twitch uncomfortably as traceries of purple and blue crawled over it. But
the effort couldn't be sustained, and as soon as they stopped the zombie
began moving again.
"It's only holding it briefly," MMViolet said ruefully as he continued
to edge away from the approaching undead. "We'll need more people to
think more colours at them."
"Can't we do that ourselves?"
Manga Man shook his head. "No. One colour per person at a time."
And then, suddenly, a cry of "Heeere I come to save the day!" was
heard, and a fish wearing a red cape crashed through the window. It did
not fall to them floor. Instead, amazingly, it flew about and began
circling the zombie in a taunting manner. "Ah-HA! One of the Hungry
Past's continuity zombies, I see," it said in a voice that was both
stentorian and cheesy. "Well, the Red Herring knows just the thing to
deal with you. Taste scarlet, you undead miscreant!" And with that
shambling corpse of Phoenix Down was bathed in a red glow.
Bluetooth and Manga Man Violet weren't going to say no to the help.
(At least, not yet.) They immediately started thinking colour at the
zombie as well, and within seconds the corpse was awash in three multi-
coloured glows. The creature spasmed as if in pain, and for the first
time began to retreat.
"Oh, no you don't!" pronounced the Red Herring, and without letting
up on it chromatic assault dive bombed the zombie, piecing right through
its chest where the heart would have been and spraying zombie innards
over the floor. "Quickly, dismember the creature while it's weakened!"
the fish ordered the two human heroes.
Ignoring the fish's obnoxious attitude, Manga Man Violet did so.
He took one of the melee weapons that he'd been able to purloin from
the Interim Iconoclasts - in this case a katanna - and used it to
methodically chop Phoenix Down into little itty bitty bits, and
took special care to make sure there were any jointed bits like hands
that could come crawling after them. Bluetooth was curious.
"Why didn't you use that sword earlier!?"
Manga Man Violet gave him a 'Well, duh' look and said, "Because it
wouldn't have worked until the zombie had been weakened by the colours."
"Oh. Okay. So, what next?"
"The forces of dorkness have defeated. You don't need pants for a
victory dance! Woo-woo-katcho!" declaimed the Red Herring in a
triumphant voice, and did a little dance in mid-air.
Manga Man Violet eyed the fish as it gyrating in mid air. "Who
is this?" he asked Bluetooth.
"The Red Herring. He was one of the cast of the _F.I.S.H. Force_
series, way back when."
"Lies!" exclaimed the fish. "Perfidious untruths! I was the lead
character of that series!" Bluetooth ignored this.
"So, repeat question: what next?"
Manga Man Violet was thoughtful. "Obviously the Hungry Past has
started consuming the Looniverse. Worse, it's got a bead on me, and
possibly any other people who know about its plans and have been working
against it. First we need to get more people to project the other
colours of the spectrum, so that we can immediately dispose of any more
continuity zombies that show up. Then, once we've protected ourselves
against the Hungry Past's cannon fodder troops, we get down to the
serious business of stopping the Hungry Past itself."
"Superhumans, hero or villain, are more likely to survive a fight
against zombies than normals. That's simple narrative convention."
"How many net.heroes would there be with colour themes?" MMViolet
"More than you can possibly imagine!" exclaimed the Red Herring.
"The Legion's roster grew to over fifteen thousand during Beige Countdown.
The fact that most of them were nameless nobodies, who I'd inevitably
need to rescue, doesn't change how many choices you have! And it will be
kewl to watch zombies explode under the full rainbow spectrum!"
Bluetooth grabbed Manga Man Violet's arm and drew him to one side.
"What is it?" asked MMViolet.
"Look, back when I started suffering from grim-n-grittiness I went
and took control of some killer ninja gorillas with mind control in the
_Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies on a Plane Filled with Killer Ninja
Gorillas!_ cascade. You know, so that I could be all badass and antihero
while making sure it was happening to people who deserved it. Some of
them got killed, but I've still got a few. If anyone can think hurtful
colours at these zombies, even if it's only one colour at a time, then
we could dress those killer ninja gorillas in colourful costumes, give
them appropriate codenames, and have *them* make up the rest of the
spectrum. We don't have to do a teamup with someone as demented as
Manga Man looked thoughtful. "That's... really tempting," he said.
"But think about it. They'd only be treated as disposable redshirts too.
We need established characters, no matter how old and obscure, in order
to have any chance of getting through this."
Okay, so that's three colours accounted for. What other extant
characters with an appropriate colour theme will be dragged from the
LNH imprint's back catalogue to appear in the Blackest Night parody?
I've got a few ideas - green in particular is easy - but in a cascade
other people should have the chance for input.
Manga Man Violet created by Jesse Wiley. First appeared as Pointless
Awards Man IV: The Voyage Home in _Just Imagine Saxon Brenton Presents the
RACCies... Again!_ #1. Revised and name changed by Andrew Perron in _Just
Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew Perron in the Return of the RACCies!_ #2.
Red Herring created by Kieran O'Callaghan. Used without permission.
Originally appeared in _F.I.S.H. Force_ #2. Started using the name
F.I.S.H. (Flying Indestructible Super Herring) in _F.I.S.H. Force_ #4.
Started using the name Red Herring off-panel in _F.I.S.H. Force_ #5.
Bluetooth created by Arthur Spitzer. Full roster entry below (because
I read through every single _Just Imagine..._ post over the weekend to make
sure I have everything straight in my head, and it would be a shame to let
all that data go to waste...)
TYPE: Public Domain
CREATED BY: (as Never-Gets-Credit-For-His-Dialogue Lad) Arthur Spitzer
CREATED/REVISED BY: (as Bluetooth) Jamie Rosen
POWERS: Never gets credit for his dialogue, using his power to baffle
the reader about the identity of who is speaking. As Bluetooth has
increased strength and speed, a healing factor, and razor-sharp teeth.
Was also able to mind control people with either technology or
technologically boosted powers.
COSTUME: Blue spandex with electrical designs, belt with pouches.
IMPORTANT APPEARANCES: First story appearance in _Just Imagine Saxon
Brenton's RACCies_ #14 as NGCFHDLad, when he sold his sole to the Shoe
Devil and was power-upped into Bluetooth. Subsequently the Shoe Devil
forced him and Firewire (nee Kid Antibacterial) to betray the Legion
(noted after the fact in _Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies_ Epilogue).
Used mind control on some killer ninja gorillas (_Just Imagine Saxon
Brenton's RACCies on a Plane Filled with Killer Ninja Gorillas_ #3).
Revealed that he had been turning grim-n-gritty and had been searching
for the Legacy Beam as a cure (Just Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew
Perron in the Return of the RACCies! #1).
Saxon Brenton University of Technology, city library, Sydney Australia
saxon.brenton at uts.edu.au saxonbrenton at hotmail.com
"These 'no-nonsense' solutions of yours just don't hold water in a complex
world of jet-powered apes and time-travel." - Superman, JLA Classified #3
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