LNH: 58.5 #45 Who Cares If Anyone Reads This, I'm Going To Finish It!

Lalo Martins lalo.martins at gmail.com
Fri Feb 27 09:09:14 PST 2009

April 385th.

The New Misfits looked at the dead, blackened forms of the Acla
Fright, as they fell, lifeless; but Smoke Ring Girl's stood
still where they had last seen her alive, still kneeling over
Forbidden Lore's dead body, hands clenched where the other girl's
neck used to be.  Wally made a movement towards her, but then she
crumbled to thin, grey ash.

"Holy ~&*&#$#~", said Pantra.

(BANG!), made something in the back of the room.  The New
Misfits who were conscious and alive snapped to attention,
expecting another surprise attack.

But what they saw was a Bang Path, out of which walked Cannon
Fodder, still looking down at his Secretary Box.

"New Misfits!  I need your help!"

  =============================-===========================Who Cares Studios one-year-laterly presents...
                        __________    ______
                       / ____( __ )  / ____/
                      /___ \/ __  | /___ \
                     ____/ / /_/ / ____/ /


                   Everyone's an Also-Ran

                       by Lalo Martins


  =============================-==========================="Now?", said Daniel.

"Er, am I interrupting something?"

"We just lost one of our comrades", Howie told him.

"Again?  You'd think you kids would have gotten used to it
already."  Blackbird threw him a nasty look, so he cleared his
throat.  "Ah.  Well, I'm sorry for you.  Anything I can do?"

"I suppose Maggie's death was her own choice", said Sammy,
getting up from the floor where he had been examining her ashes.
"I hope she's with her parents, in whatever spiritual plane their
beliefs took them to."

Fan Boy threw him an odd glance.  "Gee, I thought all super-logic
guys were supposed to be atheists."

"Agnostic, actually, Barry.  In my case, I've actually *been* to
a number of afterlife planes, so it would be silly to deny their

Meanwhile, Cannon Fodder was examining the Acla Frighters.
"That's pretty scradded up.  Who would these be?"

"That's us", Pantra volunteered, "Evilverse style."

"Seriously?  I thought we were rid of the Evilverse for good,

"Apparently not.  They were from the future, like us, and--"

"Sweet Siouxsie, Pantra", Blackbird interrupted.  "That was
supposed to be secret."

"Was it?  Well *@~$~$#~&~*#% that, after the story they told I
don't think anyone here is dense enough not to have figured it
out.  Well, me maybe, but I already knew."

"You're not stupid", said Sammy, without looking, "just the worst
case of ADD since Kiki from Sluggy."

"Yay Sluggy, worship the comic.  Anyway, I was saying.  Uh, I
was, wasn't I?  What were we talking about again?  And btw, is
anyone else hungry?"

Howie was pretty somber with the whole thing.  "The bottom line,
Godd, is apparently the Evilverse is now obsessed with us, so we
can expect more trouble from them.  Again and again.  What is it
you wanted from us, after all?"

"Ah.  Well.  I'm looking for an universe."

"Oh", Daniel quipped.  "That can't be too hard, eh?  Any
particular color you'd like?"

"Black, I guess.  The Xinerama dude I met originally told me they
have a whole dead universe for themselves as their base of
operations.  I have to find them before they strike again."

"Have you checked Green's universe?", Bonnie offered.

"My universe isn't dead", Green corrected.  "Just Earth."

"Blur has an innate ability to locate universes", said Bonnie.

"Yeah", said Blur, "assuming I know what I'm looking for."

"You met one Xinerama guy", Howie said.  "Can't you track him?"

"It doesn't really work like that.  But maybe with Sammy and
Pantra's help, if the three of us could mind-link."

"The Secretary Box could do that", Cannon Fodder said.

"Yay cool", Pantra bounced.  Then she realized she had said it
out loud and blushed.

"We're kind of in the middle of something tho", said Bonnie.

"I thought it was over", Fodder said, scratching his head.

"Not this", said Blackbird.  "This was a distraction.  We were
tracking the Time Crapper.  Er, again.  Can't let him roam around
with the Ultimate Gnab.  And it seems he may have killed Locke."

"I'm not sure how urgent that is", Cannon Fodder said.  "It's the
Crapper, after all.  We may have seen him from months, or years
in the future.  Or the past.  Maybe he took the Gnab to the
Cosmic Plot Device Capper and it got accidentally destroyed."

"Maybe.  But I'm not sure we can make that assumption."
Blackbird looked at Bonnie; after so long working as co-leaders,
they pretty much had their own language of glances and facial
expressions already.

"I'm kind of torn here", she said.  "I'm inclined to agree the
Xinerama seems more urgent.  And considering the trouble only one
of them gave us last time, I'm not sure what Godd plans to do by
himself once/if he finds them... no offense."

"None taken.  Honestly, I think the setup is almost perfect;
fighting them in a dead, deserted universe would work a lot
better, the way I see it."

"If you say so.  It still sounds kind of suici--" she then
noticed who she was talking to.  "Ah, never mind."

Sammy just looked around.  "I thought you were using a
Net.Thingie in your search?"

"Oh, I'm not coming from another universe, I'm coming from the
LNHQ.  I figured if you guys said yes, we'd be using the
Bandwagon, so I left the Net.Thingie behind."

Everyone looked at each other, at a loss for something to said.
An agreement seemed to have been reached, but with all the deaths
just minutes earlier, nobody was sure how to proceed.

"So", said Pantra.  "Anybody else hungry?  I'm thinking

  =============================-===========================Five days later, a black young man, apparently 20 or so, knocked
down the door of the cabin where the previous scene happened.

You'd have expected the place to be stinking, and carrion animals
to have invaded; but apparently, the way the bodies had been,
well, smoked... you know what?  Let's not go there.

He walked through every room, and after he was satisfied that
there was nobody there, he collapsed in the sofa, seemingly in

Then a platoon of black-uniform-heavily-armed types, kind of like
the new half-season of Heroes which is totally ripping off Beige
Countdown (no, absolutely not Marvel Comics, it has to be Beige
Countdown, because we're cooler), anyway, they walked into the
room, pointing said heavy armament at him.

"Who are you?", said the leader of the group, who, judging from
the voice was a woman (the body armor was too thick to tell it
otherwise).  "What are you doing here?"  She looked around,
certain that her subordinates had him under their aim, then took
off her mask and approached him.  "Are you with the New Misfits?
Where are they?"

"New Misfits?  Sorry, lady, I don't know who that is."

"Did you kill those people?"

"What?  No!"

"I guess."  She sighed.  "Who *are* you then?"

"Kemey.  Ike Kemey."  He carefully gave her his wallet, and she
checked his driver license.  "I'm just a dude.  I work at the
Cheeseburger Empress in LA."

"A little far from LA, aren't we?"  She seemed to find something
interesting in his wallet, and smiled.  "Aha!"


"You go to the same comic shop my cousin used to like.  Cool."

He gave her a not-very-amused look.

"Anyway, no cheeseburgers here.  What are you doing in
Color.alt.o?  Fishing?"

"There is no fish in the lake", said one of the soldiers.

"Whatever.  You claim you don't know who the New Misfits are.
But you seemed to be looking for someone, and to be very
disappointed when you haven't found them."

"Well yeah.  I thought he would be here."

She groaned in exasperation.  "Why would you construct that
sentence without saying who?  Are you trying to steal my schtick?
Seriously, Mr. Kemey, he who?"

"Cannon Fodder.  I'm looking for Cannon Fodder, from the LNH."

"Oh", she said, puzzled.  Then she took a moment to digest the
information.  Apparently, it didn't go down well.  "Why?"

"Honestly?  I have no idea."

  =============================-===========================third attempt to post this, let's see if it goes through this time

 Wally Windsor         Fan Boy                mine
 Maisie Colbert        Pantra                 May B.'s
 Godd Fodder           Cannon Fodder          wReam's (special
                                              thanks to Dvandom)
 Daniel Hunt           Contraption Boy        mine
 Kiwi Kiwii Kiwi       Howie K.               mine
 Blackbird Jones       Blackbird              mine
 Meredith Samuels      Analytic               mine
 Bonnie Chique         Bandwagon Chick        Sue Clark's
 Green Delaware        Tree-Hugging Kid       mine
 Blur                  Blur                   mine
                       Ike Kemey              mine
 Lieutenant Francesca  Dramatic Pause Lass    mine
   "Fran" Blake

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