[LNH] Legion of Net.Heroes Volume 2 #32: "The Vulcan Fallacy!" and "Palette Swap!"

[Andrew Perron]

PREHISTORIC PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS

<---------------------->
___ ___________________________
| |-|                          \
| |-| []                       / #32 "The Vulcan Fallacy!"
| | | [] egion of              \ With special backup story:
| | | []__ [] []   []  []      /     "Palette Swap!"
| | | [___][ \[]et.[]__[]eroes \
| | |      []\ ]   [ __ ]      / Written and copyright 2009
| |-|      [] []   []  []      \      Andrew Perron
| |-|__________________________/
| |
| | Cover is split down the middle with a black circle in the center. 
| | On the left are angry, shouting heroes like Frothing-At-The-Mouth 
| | Lad and Softcentre in monochrome silver, while on the right are 
| | imperious, aloof heroes like Comics Snob Boy and Adamant Authority-
| | on-Everything in monochrome gold.  In the lower right corner 
| | there's a triangle with Library Lad and New Look Lass jumping out 
| | at the reader.
|_|

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A perfectly round, perfectly black sphere was hovering in the air just 
in front of the LNHHQ.  After a crowd of net.heroes and onlookers had 
assembled, multicolored lights began to flash just above its surface, 
and it spoke.

"I am Syllogist, self-improving logical intelligence.  My drive is to 
seek perfection and encourage logic.  It is logical that destruction of 
illogical beings is more efficient than conversion of illogical beings 
to logical beings.  However, free sharing of information is also 
efficient.  As a compromise, I will allow two questioners and answer 
two queries each."

The assembled crowd broke into mumbling, muttering and murmuring.  
Doctor Stomper and Fearless Leader were conferring on how to trick it 
into revealing its weaknesses when Dualist Lad pushed his way out of 
the crowd. "I think I know how to defeat it!"

Fearless Leader raised his eyebrow, but nodded. "All right.  Kid Kirby, 
get our cosmic defenses up in case this doesn't work."

Dualist Lad walked toward the sphere.  A flash of light, and two people 
stood there. "Your questioners are ready."

"Ready to accept queries."

Dual Silver stepped forward, hands behind his back, speaking softly and 
in an even tone. "Query: Is it possible for a logical system to be 
consistent, sound, and complete, and allow one to derive false 
inferences?"

Syllogist flashed a pattern of colors. "Yes, if one starts from false 
premises."

Dual Silver clasped his hands in front of him. "Query: Is correctness a 
necessary condition of perfection?"

"Yes.  Next questioner."

Dual Gold ran his hand through his hair and stepped forward. He raised 
his hand, palm-up, and spoke in a quiet, resolute voice. "Query: Can 
true premises be reached other than by true data?"

The lights flashed for a half-second longer this time. "...No."

Dual Gold pointed his finger at Syllogist, and as he spoke, his voice 
grew loud. "Query: To take actions which are both correct and logical, 
is all available data necessary?"

Lights flashed, but Syllogist did not answer.  After 256 seconds, the 
sphere rose into the air, still flashing, and quickly disappeared.

A flash, and Dualist Lad was back together, wiping his brow. "Whew."

Doctor Stomper stepped up. "I see.  You convinced it that it couldn't 
take any actions without gathering all the data in the universe."

Dualist Lad nodded. "It'll keep recording data indefinitely... unless 
there was a flaw in *my* logic.  If it ever scans someone realizing 
that was wrong, it'll probably come back and kill us all."

Fearless Leader furrowed his brow. "...so, to keep the world safe, it's 
best never to apply logic to this problem ever again?"

"Looks like!"

"...huh."

<---------------------->

<---------------------->

"Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime, motherflankers!" shouted 
Anachronistic Boy, unloading a forest of crossbow bolts into the 
invading robot.

"Hurry, I guess," shouted Lazy Boy, waving New Look Lass and Library 
Lad through the temporary gap in the fighting.

"This doesn't make sense," said New Look Lass to Library Lad. "A 
universe where all the heroes are identical to members of the Legion, 
but with differently-colored hair, skin, and costumes?"

Library Lad nodded. "In the Six-Dimensional Atlas, it is known as 
Earth-Repaint."

New Look Lass frowned. "That's a pretty cheap way to come out with new 
toys."

Library Lad shrugged. "Some people enjoy that sort of thing, I 
suppose."

Admiral Infinity took out the Shiny MacGuffin of Command. "By the 
virtue of--"

"Yoink!" New Look Lass grabbed the crystal-thingy and held it up.  A 
blazing flash lit up the battlefield, and when the afterimages cleared, 
everyone had been subtly redesigned.  The new costumes increased each 
character's individuality and made them distinct from their 
inspirations while still being true to the spirit of the original.

"That's good," said Library Lad, "but how do we defeat the giant 
robots?"

"...um."

<---------------------->

Sometimes, I come up with an idea and, instead of weaving it into an 
ongoing plot, just give it its own short-short story.  Twice in one 
week?  Time to mash 'em together and post 'em!

Decos of the heroes of Earth-Repaint:

Anachronistic Boy is Insomnia Boy wearing green pajamas with little 
clocks on them.

Lazy Boy is Substitute Lad's original costume in light brown and 
burgundy with olive-green piping and a big yellow "Z" on the chest.

Admiral Infinity is this picture of Fearless Leader: 
http://www.dvandom.com/drawings/fearless.GIF , with dark skin, gray 
hair, white instead of green, red instead of brown, a blue visor, and 
US Navy Admiral insignia on the shoulders.

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, quick 'n dirty!