[LNH] [RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew Perron in the Return of the RACCies! #2

Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Sat Apr 18 17:40:50 PDT 2009

"Oh.  What'd you-- whoops!" Bluetooth dropped the Legacy Beam, and it 
went off, its energies spilling directly into the crystal.  The 
crystal pulsed with energy, and beams of yellow, gray, brown, black, 
and white energy shot off into Net.ropolis.


The crystal rumbled, and a group of angry men and women, each dressed 
differently and each carrying a different melee weapon. "Who summons 
the Interim Iconoclasts from our lair in the skipped issues of LNH 

"...you suck, Bluetooth."





Just Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew Perron in the Return of the 
RACCies! #2



Pointless Awards Man IV raised his hands. "Ladies and gentlemen, this
is the night where I don't want to be seeing stars!  All of you out
there in right-in-front-of-me-land, please don't attack!"

"Yarr!" The leader of the Iconoclasts pointed his glaive-guissarme at
PAM IV. "How did ye find out about us?  Did Saxon actually show what
happened to Sufferyng and Artemis?  Did Lalo explain the origin of
Smoke Ring Girl?  Did Andrew finally parody Dominaria?"

"Ah, yes, this is a very special night, one where I have no idea what
you're talking about!"

"Bah!  He's gone into a patter fugue. Take him back with us and toss
him through the Back Door to Limbo, but first, check for any other

The Interim Iconoclasts spread out through the secret government
warehouse.  Nothing but boxes and shadows...

>From a dark corner, a strangled cry was suddenly silenced.

"Eh?" said the leader. "What's all this ruckus?"

"I'm not trapped here with you..." A glint of razor-sharp teeth as
another Iconoclast fell. "You're trapped in here with me!"

Another redshirt remarked, "You know, we never actually said you were

Panic erupted, and the Iconoclasts started running about, Bluetooth
cackling and falling upon them.  Several managed to leap back through
the crystal, but their leader blocked several others, rapping the butt
of his polearm on the concrete floor. "That's enough!"

For a moment, there was silence.

"So, an LNHer thinks he can play boogeyman, eh?  Well, we have
something to smoke people like you out.  Iconoclasts... ARGUE!"

One Iconoclast holding a wakizashi turned to another wielding a
godendag and said, "You know, I don't think people give Ayn Rand
enough credit.  She didn't support selfishness, just people getting
fair pay for fair work."

"Balderdash!" the other replied. "She and all her libertarian friends,
like Steve Ditko and Robert Heinlein--"

"Hey, don't sully Heinlein's name like that!" interrupted an
Iconoclast with a pair of tonfa. "In Beyond This Horizon, he..."

The conversation grew louder, voices raised higher, a dreadful noise,
an Awful Dynne.  Bluetooth, perched in the rafers, began to shake, and
then to sway, and then got dizzy, and eventually, fell onto the crowd

"Harharhar!" said the leader, as a pair of Iconoclasts holding a
trident and a lucerne hammer caught him. "Now, we'll-- eh?"

Pointless Awards Man IV had stood.  One eye was cast in shadow, while
the other gleamed in the light.  A wind came out of nowhere, blowing
it out of its tight, moussed prison and into shifting spikes.

"Have you ever wondered who I was before the Grapety Purple Man made
me his herald?  Did you stop to think that I might have had power
beyond what he granted me?"

The tuxedo dissolved, revealing sleek, technological armor.  PAM IV's
eyes flashed purple.

"I've been purple for a long time."



Across the city...

Kid Hyperdefinition was battling the mecha-mooks of Doctor Digeridoo.
She increased her framerate, streaking around and around the robots,
then slipped between their interlacing and tore out their innards.

"Bah!" said Doctor Digeridoo. "You may have defeated the mooks, but
you'll never stop... The Dragon!"

A huge, robotic dragon erupted from under the street.  Kid
Hyperdefinition leapt toward it, but at the apex of her flight, was
struck by a scintillating silver beam from the sky.

Doctor Digeridoo shielded his eyes.  When he was able to see again,
The Dragon had been torn apart, and someone was standing in front of
him.  She looked different than the hero he'd been fighting, though. A
domino mask and pigtails in place of an all-concealing cowl; a long
cape and ruffles where there were once pockets and belts; and high
heels instead of combat boots.

"Kid Hyperdefinition?"

"Silly!  I'm Hi-Fi Lorelai!"


No posts in a week?  No problem!  I'll make it into an ongoing series
if I have to!

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, bump!

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