[LNH] [RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew Perron in the Return of the RACCies! #1
pwerdna at gmail.com
Sat Apr 11 19:57:03 PDT 2009
It was late in the Abandoned Warehouse District of Sig.ago. It was
smaller than that of Net.ropolis, and only a few lonely streetlamps
spread pools of illumination in the sea of shadow. Yet in the
darkness, there was a glitter, a gleam of light on metal, as a figure
skulked in the darkness.
Then there was a thump!, as the *two* figures skulking in the
darkness bumped into each other.
"Pointless Awards Man IV: The Voyage Home?"
"What are you doing here!?"
PREHISTORIC PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS
YET ANOTHER OF THOSE FRIGGIN' "JUST IMAGINE" CASCADES
DID THE LAST ONE EVEN MAKE IT UP TO ISSUE #5?
Just Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew Perron in the Return of the
Inside Warehouse #242B.
Bluetooth sat on a crate, a figure in blue spandex covered with
electronic designs, a belt with pouches around his waist. His powers
forced his dialogue away from anything that could attribute it to
"So, still trying to get a Saxon Brenton RACCies cascade started?"
"Yes," said Pointless Awards Man IV, an Asian man with purple hair in
a purple velvet tuxedo, "and it's become unreasonably difficult since
Saxon stopped doing the RACCies."
"But why? I mean, sure, cascades are fun, but..."
"You were in the original RACCies cascade. Can you tell me what
"Well, first Manga Man found there was this virus that would erase
the RACCie winners, and then Pointless Awards Man II came back from
the dead, and then the Grapety Purple Man showed up, and Firewire and
I got powers from the Shoe Devil..."
"Hey, whatever happened with that, anyway?"
"Oh, turns out I could buy my contract out for the price of a pair of
vintage 1993 Air Nikes. After that, it turned out that Manga Man was
still evil, then it turned out there were actually two Manga Men.
Then Grapety Purple Man told me his origin, about how the Hungry Past
of the Looniverse created the virus. Then it was revealed that a
bunch of LNHers were really Manga Man's evil robots. Then it turns
out there were *three* Manga Men, and after that I get kind of
confused... but in the end, we beat Manga Man Gold and, thus, stopped
the virus! ...wait."
Pointless Awards Man IV nodded grimly. "You see? The LNH assumed
Manga Man created the virus, especially when it didn't go off as
planned. But the Hungry Past is still out there, waiting..."
"What stopped the virus, then?"
"This was what I wondered after the cascade ended. You see, I was
empowered by the Grapety Purple Man as a replacement for Pointless
Awards Man III..."
"...AKA the brainwashed Real World Minus One version of Saxon
"...to help him stop the cosmic hunger. And I discovered that
somehow, impossibly, it was the cascade *itself* that was stopping
it! The existence of a Saxon Brenton's RACCies cascade was holding
the hunger in abeyance!"
"But then -- we're perfectly safe, aren't we? *This* is a RACCies
Pointless Awards Man IV shook his head. "As you said, Saxon is no
longer doing the RACCies. The Limp-Asparagus Force is absent from
them, and thus, from this cascade. And that's why I came to this
warehouse. It's a Secret Government Conspiracy Warehouse -- who else
would hide a functional, fully-stocked warehouse in an Abandoned
"Acton Lord probably would."
"...true. But Acton Lord does not have... THIS!" He picked up a
crowbar and attempted to wrench off the crate's lid... to no success.
"Does not have THIS... does not... does... hey, can I get a little
help over here?"
Bluetooth came over and, working together, they opened the crate.
"There we go. As I was saying, THIS!" Pointless Awards Man IV held
up a crystal, within which was the image of a title: "Just Imagine
Saxon Brenton Presents the RACCies... Again! #6"
"What does that do?"
"...I have no idea." Pointless Awards Man IV shrugged. "But hopefully
I can activate it, or evoke it, or something."
"Ah. Well, should I exposit on why I'm here now?"
"Probably a good idea."
"Well, ever since I gained these infernal powers, I've been
feeling... different. Angstier. More ruthless. I've had...
"Cravings? What do you mean, Bluetooth?"
"B-- er. See these pouches? And when you said my name just then, it
took all my willpower to keep myself from..."
"...from saying that my name was... Bloodtooth."
"...oh my Kirby!" said PAM IV. "You're turning into a grim-'n-gritty
Dark Age character!"
"Precisely. So I sought out... THIS!"
Bluetooth ripped the lid off a crate with one hand ("Show-off,"
muttered PAM IV) and revealed a ray gun, plated with gold, silver and
"Yes! The Legacy Beam! A device that can reformat a character to
their counterpart in any of the Heroic Ages!"
"Oh, okay, that's totally not what I thought it was."
"Oh. What'd you-- whoops!" Bluetooth dropped the Legacy Beam, and it
went off, its energies spilling directly into the crystal. The
crystal pulsed with energy, and beams of yellow, gray, brown, black,
and white energy shot off into Net.ropolis.
The crystal rumbled, and a group of angry men and women, each dressed
differently and each carrying a different melee weapon. "Who summons
the Interim Iconoclasts from our lair in the skipped issues of LNH
"...you suck, Bluetooth."
I got inspired reading the sequels to Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's
RACCies, so I thought, hey, I did the RACCies this year, why not a
new twist on an old favorite?
However, since I'm a weirdo, I'm going to put some rules on this
cascade. Just a couple, but I think they'll help avoid some of the
issues previous cascades have had:
1.) No fair resolving subplots offscreen. If you're going to
stop Time Crapper IV's sexual harassment lawsuit, at least
have *something* of a trial scene.
2.) I call dibs on the last post of the cascade!
Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, going for the Rabbit Breeder's
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