[LNH] [RACCies] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew Perron in the Return of the RACCies! #1

[Andrew Perron]

It was late in the Abandoned Warehouse District of Sig.ago.  It was 
smaller than that of Net.ropolis, and only a few lonely streetlamps 
spread pools of illumination in the sea of shadow.  Yet in the 
darkness, there was a glitter, a gleam of light on metal, as a figure 
skulked in the darkness.

Then there was a thump!, as the *two* figures skulking in the 
darkness bumped into each other.

"Bluetooth?"

"Pointless Awards Man IV: The Voyage Home?"

"What are you doing here!?"

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PREHISTORIC PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS 

YET ANOTHER OF THOSE FRIGGIN' "JUST IMAGINE" CASCADES

DID THE LAST ONE EVEN MAKE IT UP TO ISSUE #5?

Just Imagine Saxon Brenton vs. Andrew Perron in the Return of the 
RACCies! #1

<---------------------->

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Inside Warehouse #242B.

Bluetooth sat on a crate, a figure in blue spandex covered with 
electronic designs, a belt with pouches around his waist.  His powers 
forced his dialogue away from anything that could attribute it to 
him.

"So, still trying to get a Saxon Brenton RACCies cascade started?"

"Yes," said Pointless Awards Man IV, an Asian man with purple hair in 
a purple velvet tuxedo, "and it's become unreasonably difficult since 
Saxon stopped doing the RACCies."

"But why?  I mean, sure, cascades are fun, but..."

"You were in the original RACCies cascade.  Can you tell me what 
happened?"

"Well, first Manga Man found there was this virus that would erase 
the RACCie winners, and then Pointless Awards Man II came back from 
the dead, and then the Grapety Purple Man showed up, and Firewire and 
I got powers from the Shoe Devil..."

"Hey, whatever happened with that, anyway?"

"Oh, turns out I could buy my contract out for the price of a pair of 
vintage 1993 Air Nikes.  After that, it turned out that Manga Man was 
still evil, then it turned out there were actually two Manga Men.  
Then Grapety Purple Man told me his origin, about how the Hungry Past 
of the Looniverse created the virus.  Then it was revealed that a 
bunch of LNHers were really Manga Man's evil robots.  Then it turns 
out there were *three* Manga Men, and after that I get kind of 
confused... but in the end, we beat Manga Man Gold and, thus, stopped 
the virus!  ...wait."

Pointless Awards Man IV nodded grimly. "You see?  The LNH assumed 
Manga Man created the virus, especially when it didn't go off as 
planned.  But the Hungry Past is still out there, waiting..."

"What stopped the virus, then?"

"This was what I wondered after the cascade ended.  You see, I was 
empowered by the Grapety Purple Man as a replacement for Pointless 
Awards Man III..."

"...AKA the brainwashed Real World Minus One version of Saxon 
Brenton..."

"...to help him stop the cosmic hunger.  And I discovered that 
somehow, impossibly, it was the cascade *itself* that was stopping 
it!  The existence of a Saxon Brenton's RACCies cascade was holding 
the hunger in abeyance!"

"But then -- we're perfectly safe, aren't we?  *This* is a RACCies 
cascade."

Pointless Awards Man IV shook his head. "As you said, Saxon is no 
longer doing the RACCies.  The Limp-Asparagus Force is absent from 
them, and thus, from this cascade.  And that's why I came to this 
warehouse.  It's a Secret Government Conspiracy Warehouse -- who else 
would hide a functional, fully-stocked warehouse in an Abandoned 
Warehouse District?"

"Acton Lord probably would."

"...true.  But Acton Lord does not have... THIS!" He picked up a 
crowbar and attempted to wrench off the crate's lid... to no success. 
"Does not have THIS... does not... does... hey, can I get a little 
help over here?"

Bluetooth came over and, working together, they opened the crate. 
"There we go.  As I was saying, THIS!" Pointless Awards Man IV held 
up a crystal, within which was the image of a title: "Just Imagine 
Saxon Brenton Presents the RACCies... Again! #6"

"What does that do?"

"...I have no idea." Pointless Awards Man IV shrugged. "But hopefully 
I can activate it, or evoke it, or something."

"Ah.  Well, should I exposit on why I'm here now?"

"Probably a good idea."

"Well, ever since I gained these infernal powers, I've been 
feeling... different.  Angstier.  More ruthless.  I've had... 
*cravings*."

"Cravings?  What do you mean, Bluetooth?"

"B-- er.  See these pouches?  And when you said my name just then, it 
took all my willpower to keep myself from..."

"Yes?"

"...from saying that my name was... Bloodtooth."

"...oh my Kirby!" said PAM IV. "You're turning into a grim-'n-gritty 
Dark Age character!"

"Precisely.  So I sought out... THIS!"

Bluetooth ripped the lid off a crate with one hand ("Show-off," 
muttered PAM IV) and revealed a ray gun, plated with gold, silver and 
bronze.

"Is that--"

"Yes!  The Legacy Beam!  A device that can reformat a character to 
their counterpart in any of the Heroic Ages!"

"Oh, okay, that's totally not what I thought it was."

"Oh.  What'd you-- whoops!" Bluetooth dropped the Legacy Beam, and it 
went off, its energies spilling directly into the crystal.  The 
crystal pulsed with energy, and beams of yellow, gray, brown, black, 
and white energy shot off into Net.ropolis.

"...oops."

The crystal rumbled, and a group of angry men and women, each dressed 
differently and each carrying a different melee weapon. "Who summons 
the Interim Iconoclasts from our lair in the skipped issues of LNH 
series!?"

"...you suck, Bluetooth."

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I got inspired reading the sequels to Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's 
RACCies, so I thought, hey, I did the RACCies this year, why not a 
new twist on an old favorite?

However, since I'm a weirdo, I'm going to put some rules on this 
cascade.  Just a couple, but I think they'll help avoid some of the 
issues previous cascades have had:
    1.) No fair resolving subplots offscreen.  If you're going to 
        stop Time Crapper IV's sexual harassment lawsuit, at least 
        have *something* of a trial scene.
    2.) I call dibs on the last post of the cascade!

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, going for the Rabbit Breeder's 
Cup.