LNH: Beige Midnight #3: Imperium Hex Part III: 'The Final Piece' (3/3)

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer at earthlink.net
Mon Sep 22 19:21:58 PDT 2008

The Beginning of Part III

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The White House --

Hex Luthor took a sip from a glass of red wine.  "So.  How's the grub?"

French President Nicolas Sarkozy put the Texas style spare rib he had in 
his hand down and slightly licked his fingers.  "Good.  However, a bit 
messy for a state dinner.  No?"

Hex nodded his head.  "Yes.  Messy.  But very rich in symbolism."

"Enough!" said Russian President Vladimir Putin.  "Let's get to the real 
reason we're all here!  The Freedom Chip Agreement!"

"No!" boomed Alt.verian Supreme High Master-Lord Dr. Boom.  "Not till 
Boom gets his towelettes!  Moist towelettes!!  Boom demands moist 
towelettes!!  The moist towelettes shall be *MINE*!!!!"  Dr. Boom 
slammed his barbeque sauce drenched metal fist on the table.

"Quit your incessant whining, Boom.  If you keep it up, I will be forced 
to invade your pathetic little country.  Don't test me Boom."  Vladimir 
Putin gave a dark gaze to Dr. Boom.

"Invade?!  Invade?!!  No one invades Alt.veria!!  No One!!  Except, 
BOOM!!  Only Boom can invade Alt.veria!!  Only BOOM!!!!"  Dr. Boom stood 
up and pointed his barbeque sauce dripping BOOMING finger at Putin. 
"Prepare to be BOOMED, Putin!!"

"Gentlemen!  Gentlemen!  Please!!" shouted Hex as he tried to get back 
control of the dinner table.  "You're both right!  Vlad's right about 
how we have very important subjects to discuss and Boom's right about 
how we need more moist towelettes!  And..."  Hex watched as a bunch of 
servers surrounded Dr. Boom with trays full of moist towelettes. 
"They're finally here!  Well, looks like that crisis is over."

"Pfah!" boomed Dr. Boom as he grabbed an iron fist full of moist towelettes.

"Well.  Now that that's all settled, I suppose we should get to why I've 
brought all of you important World Leaders together -- here.  The 
Freedom Chip Free Trade Agreement.  Simply put -- this is about the 
safety and future of the world.  Gentlemen and..."  Hex gave a wink to 
German Chancellor Angela Merkel, "Ladies.  The future of the world is in 
grave danger.  You've seen the news footage of the Bryttle Brothers. 
You remember 1992.  Beige Noon.  We can't let that happen again.  No. 
We need to put aside our differences and band together to defeat these 
menaces.  We need to sign the FCFTA.  And we need to sign it now."

"But as I understand the agreement," said British Prime Minister Gordon 
Brown, "It makes regulation of the Chip impossible.  Anyone can buy one. 
  Anyone can sell one.  And we don't even know if they're safe to use. 
The European Union..."

"Nonsense," said Hex waving his hand.  "It's been thoroughly tested by 
my scientists.  It's perfectly safe.  Why -- I even have one in my 
head."  And to demonstrate this Hex got out of his chair and floated up 
from the ground till he reached the ceiling of the State Dining Room. 
And then he floated back to his chair.

"Impressive," said the Chinese President Hu Jintao.  "But this 'Freedom 
Chip' would give everyone in the world a 'superpower'.  That is 
unacceptable!  It would be chaos!  There must be control!"

"Believe me, Hu, I understand that concern," nodded Hex.  "That's why 
there are special codes embedded into the chips that will give the state 
control over the individual should that individual get out of line."

"Wait," said Angela Merkel.  "What does that mean?  The government can 
control the individual?  What do you mean by that?"

"Look," said Hex.  "All I'm saying is that it will be up to the 
governments how they use and control people with chips.  We're getting a 
little sidetracked here.  What we should be talking about is the Bryttle 
Brothers threat.  That's what we should be talking about.  And if we're 
going to defeat them then we're going to need a whole lot of heroes.  A 
whole lot of people with Freedom Chips in their heads.  We need to..."

Before he could finish the sound of gunfire burst through the room.  A 
big vehicle with a big magnet attached to it crashed into the room.  A 
number of masked men in paramilitary outfits jumped off the vehicle and 
pointed their guns at the World Leaders.  The masked man who was driving 
the vehicle pushed a button causing the 'Big Magnet' to activate. 
Secret Service guns and other metal objects began to fly towards the 
magnet.  Dr. Boom's metal suit, to his own horror, couldn't resist the 
magnet.  In a few seconds Dr. Boom's whole body was pinned to the 
magnet.  "No!" boomed Dr. Boom.  "My one weakness!!  Big Magnets!!"

The leader of the band of terrorists looked straight at Hex Luthor. 
"Okay.  If you know what's good for you, you'd better do as we say.  If 
you do -- no one will get hurt.  If you don't -- well, guess you're 
going to have to die.  Our demands are simple.  We want Bicycle Repair 
Lad and all the rest of your 'War on Terror' prisoners to go free.  And 
if you don't free them within 16 hours, we will start executing people. 
  We are the Bicycle Liberation Front.  Oh, yeah -- In case you were 
wondering -- our guns are magnet resistant."

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Back in the Middle East...

"ApocaLISP!" exclaimed Retcon Lad.  He adopted a dramatic stance for the 
imminent confrontation.  "What are you doing here?"

The powerful net.villain crossed his arms and said, "I have come to 
claim my son," which needless to say threw a curveball into the whole 
situation.  He paused for a beat to watch in satisfaction while everyone 
who was still conscious, not lagged and not dead stared at him in 
surprise.  Then he uncrossed his arms and with a single gesture used his 
own net.ahuman abilities to cancel the powers and effects of the powers 
of everyone else present.  Twitter suddenly gasped in pain as the 
Net.Elementalist's lag was turned off.  Similarly the forces of the 
Al-Qaeda Amerika team were freed from the lag and returned to awareness, 
but this did them little good since ApocaLISP was now using his own 
power to hold them all immobile, Al-Qaeda Amerika and Bicycle Liberation 
Front alike.

"The one called Sahar is mine," ApocaLISP said.  There were snarls of 
derision from one side and protests that the AQA would be going to trial 
for terrorist acts from the other.  ApocaLISP ignored both groups and 
focused his attention on Sahar, who was the only one who wasn't making 
noises of dissent.  He held out his hand and said, "Come to me, my son. 
  It is your desthtiny."

Sahar stared at ApocaLISP.  This couldn't be right.  He felt... strange. 
  He knew that he belonged with the imposing ApocaLISP, but he could not 
say *how* he knew.  It made no sense!  Sahar's place was with the forces 
of jihad.  But somehow he knew in his heart and soul that ApocaLISP 
represented something so much more important than that.

The Bicycle Liberation Front and Al-Qaeda Amerika members watched as 
Sahar transformed.  His skin turned ash grey and his face developed 
distinctive markings very much like those of ApocaLISP himself.  More 
dramatic was the way he grew in size by a good half metre, ripping out 
of his clothes as he grew spiked chitinous body armour.

Sahar stepped forward to stand by ApocaLISP's side.  The lord of 
programming languages flicked his disdainful gaze to the remaining 
net.ahumans.  "He will take his plathe as one of my Horsemen," ApocaLISP 

"Wait!" said Anal-Retentive Archive Kid.  "What about Dekay and Diskolor?"

"What about them?" ApocaLISP asked.  "They want to desthroy the world. 
I doubt if they will suctheed.  But even if they do, what of it?  The 
strong will sthurvive.  And from among the ashes the sthurvivors will 
arise and one day throw down the Bryttle Brothers and enact bloody 
vengeanth upon them."

"The Bryttle Brothers want to erase the entire Looniverse," warned ARAK. 
  "There won't *be* any ashes for survivors to survive in.  We have to 
stop them, and we'll need all the help we can get."

ApocaLISP looked amused.  "Life exisths where life can," he observed. 
"In those places where life cannot, it sthimply takes longer."  And then 
he and Sahar teleported away.  The Net.Elementalist had been ready for 
this, and immediately slammed his lag onto the remaining AQA members.

"Is he always like that?" Twitter snarked through her pain.

Fourth Wall Lass raised an eyebrow.  "Arrogant, condescending, turns up 
to taunt everyone that their long term plans are all flawed attempts at 
utopianism that must inevitably fall before blind survival of the 
fittest, and a general pain in the butt?  Yeah, pretty much."

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Back in the LNHHQ --

"I just heard on the news about it," said Fearless Leader rushing into 
the LNHQ lobby.  "What are we doing about it?" he said looking straight 
at Irony Man.

"You look like hell, Landers.  When was the last time you had some 
sleep?" said Irony Man glancing back while he handed some papers to Fred 
the Receptionist.

"I don't know.  Doesn't matter.  I need to know the situation, Toony."

"A team already has been sent to deal with it.  That's the situation. 
Go get some sleep."

"Who's on it?"

Irony Man shrugged his metal suited shoulders.  "I don't know.  A bunch 
of new Freedom Chippers.  And the Ultimate Ninja.  He picked out the 
team himself."

"Wait.  You're telling me that the Ultimate Ninja picked a bunch of 
'inexperienced heroes' to deal with this?  These are Leaders of the 
World we're talking about!  This is far too important to -- Christ! 
I've got to get a team ready to..."

"No."  Irony Man shook his head.  "You're not in any shape to lead a..."

"Not in Shape?!  Out of all the people in the LNH, I'm the one that's 
best prepared to deal with this!  I've dealt with more that I can 
remember -- hostage situations!  Get out of my way."

"No.  This is an order.  I'll send a team of heroes to stop you and your 
team -- by any means necessary.  Get some sleep.  The Ultimate Ninja can 
handle this."

"The Ultimate Ninja?  Maybe several months ago.  I don't know about this 
one.  The hell with this."  Fearless Leader walked away from Irony Man.

What was he doing?  Where was he going?

Christ, he was tired.  This whole thing was strange.  This wasn't the 
real Ultimate Ninja.  This Ultimate Ninja never went on missions.  Was 
this a set up of some sort?

Was he just going to stand by and do nothing?  It looked like it.

He could hear something in the back of his mind.  The Voices.  Kill 
Irony Man, they said.  Fearless Leader laughed.  It was completely 
absurd.  Kill Irony Man.  Save the World.  Kill Irony Man.

Of course he wasn't going to do that.  Kill someone because a voice in 
his head said to.  He couldn't do that.  Of course there was always the 
possibility that the voice was right.  That killing Irony Man was the 
answer.  And that the world would die because he couldn't do that.

He was going crazy.  When was the last time he slept?  Irony Man was 
right.  He needed to sleep.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The White House --

Hex glanced at the man in the surgeon scrubs who came out of a closed 
door.  "Last one?"

The surgeon nodded his head.  "We've got them installed.  All of them. 
They should be fine in an hour or so."

"Good.  Well, guess I better call in the rescue team."  Hex gave a wink 
to the surgeon and a small chuckle came out of his mouth.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****


"What do you want?"  The top of Mynabird's black helmet quickly closed 
up and he turned his chair around.

"Sorry.  Not interrupting -- am I?" said Ripping Dancer who looked very 

"No.  Just thinking about..." Mynabird paused as if he was about to say 
something else, but decided against it.  "What do you want?"

"It's about Easily-Discovered Man Lite..."

A red light started to flash on Mynabird's helmet.  "Go on."

"He's going to make his move.  On April 16th.  Washington DC.  The Mall 
area.  A big event is planned.  He along with President Hex Luthor and 
several World Leaders are planning on signing something called The 
Freedom Chip Free Trade Agreement.  We need to stop this from happening 
because if it does -- then Easily-Discovered Man Lite will be unstoppable."

"Really now."  Mynabird folded his fingers as if to meditate this new 
bit of information.  "If I remember correctly -- weren't you the one who 
told me that it was necessary for me to get Bicycle Repair Lad because 
he was the only one who knew how to stop Easily-Discovered Man Lite?"

"Well," Ripping Dancer dug her fingers into the pockets of her shorts, 
"I kind of lied about that.  To tell you the truth, Bicycle Repair Lad 
knows nothing.  I needed the LNV to help me get him out of prison.  The 
complete and honest truth is that," Ripping Dancer took a deep breath. 
"I'm the only one who knows how to defeat Easily-Discovered Man Lite."

"I see.  So how do I defeat him -- Easily-Discovered Man Lite?  Do tell."

"It's Hex Luthor.  You need to destroy Hex Luthor."

"I need to assassinate the President of the Loonited States?"

"Yes.  He's Easily-Discovered Man Lite's power source.  He's not really 
a man.  He's just this cosmic object that looks like a man."

"A cosmic object?  A cosmic object?"  Mynabird shook his head.  "Really, 
Ripping Dancer.  How stupid do I look?"  Myabird's right hand started to 
sparkle with a very deadly energy crackle.

"Wait!" said Ripping Dancer as she slightly back away.  "This is the 
truth!  Why would I lie about this?  What would I have to gain?  Why 
would I make up such an absurd sounding lie?  If it's a lie, you'll find 
out and you'll kill me.  But it's not a lie!  But if you don't believe 
me then Easily-Discovered Man Lite wins!  Is that what you want?  For 
him to win?!  Then ignore me, but don't blame me when he enslaves the 
world -- enslaves us all."

"Very well.  I'll give you one more chance Ripping Dancer.  But that's 
it.  And if this turns out to be another lie -- then you will die.  And 
it will not be a gentle death."

Ripping Dancer nodded.  "I know."

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Back in the Middle East...

      "If we, shad, have offended.
       String us up, for sushi blended,
       For you have but stumbled here
       While night-fishing off the pier.
       Though my quacking idle seem,
       Though these shoals with horrors teem,
       Swimmers, you'll not drown tonight:
       We shall fish you from your plight..."

There was a knock at the door.  The LNH flight.thingie was built with 
warp spaces so that it was big enough on the inside that everyone had 
their own small but private cabin.  Anal-Retentive Archive Kid looked up 
from the trade paperback he'd been reading.  "Come in," he said.  The 
door opened to reveal Twitter.  She was on crutches, with her legs 
bandaged after the damage done to her ligaments, but the fact that she 
was up at all was testament to her high speed metabolism.

"Hi.  I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"No, just rereading some old Suicide Squid stories," he answered.  He 
put aside the TPB and said, "What can I do for you?"

"I, uh.  I wanted to ask if you'd like to make out."

ARAK stared at her in surprise.  "You do know..."

"Yes yes," said Twitter.  "You're HIV pos.  But the thing is I can tell 
that the Net.Elementalist won't cheat on his wife, and Retcon Lad won't 
cheat on his girlfriend, and Lenny's a squirrel..."

"Lenny's just *shaped* like a squirrel," he corrected.

Twitter waved this away. "...and your problem at least can be overcome 
with a condom and a promise not to do any tongue kissing."

He gave this a bemused second's thought before saying, "Yeah.  I suppose 
that's about right.  But look, what brought this on?  I mean..."

"Because I'm scared," she exclaimed.  "There's a good chance I'm going 
to die in the next few weeks, and I want to do all the things that 
normal people before I go.  And even if I get through this, well, I'm a 
late starter, okay?  I want to get on with my life rather than being 
packed away in some special school."

"Oh.  Okay," said ARAK simply.

"Okay?" Twitter repeated in surprise.  She'd been more than half 
expecting to be knocked back.  Anal-Retentive Archive Kid had an aura of 
suppressed anger about him on this subject.  He'd withdrawn from the 
dating game some time ago, mainly because potential dates avoided him 
like the plague, but also because he considered it more trouble than it 
was worth to risk some litigious piece of fluff suing for damages from 
shock and trauma after 'discovering' that he had HIV.

He shrugged.  "I'm a guy.  Guys think with their dorks.  I'm not going 
to say no to sleeping with a beautiful woman."

She blushed.  No one had ever called her beautiful before.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The LNHHQ --

"How's work going, Kid Kirby?" said Cheesecake Eater Lad as he spotted 
the Kirbian on his way to the cafeteria.

"The Infinite Flying Bicycle Making Machine has already done the 
required work!  Still, my fellow legionnaire: the Man of Contraptions... 
and I, have yet to finish Bicycle Repair Lad's Really Big Bicycle of All 
Bicycles...  There have been complications!  But we shall finish before 
the Great Cataclysmic Battle takes place!  You have my word on that! 
And you -- my friend the Cheesecake Wielder -- how goes progress in 
locating our Ninja of all Ninjas?!"

"Not so good.  But I guess I have till the 16th to find him."

"Yes!  We still have time -- on our side!  Very well... I must go back 
to work!"

"Yeah.  Suppose I should too."  As Cheesecake Eater Lad watched Kid 
Kirby leave he could feel a presence.  He looked up at the ceiling. 
"UN?"  No.  Nothing.  Just shadows.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Fearless Leader's eyes opened up.  He looked over at his clock.  Noon. 
How long had he been asleep?  Need to wake up.  Get up.

He stumbled out of bed.  Still wearing his uniform.  Must have fell 
asleep in it.

He wondered what the hostage crisis was like now.  He went over to his 
sink and poured himself a glass of water.  After swallowing the water, 
he made his way over to the lobby.

As he walked into the lobby, he noticed the room was filled with 
paramilitary types.  He saw the Ultimate Ninja speaking to some of them.

"UN.  The situation.  An update?"

The Ultimate Ninja turned his head towards Fearless Leader.  A number of 
paramilitary types began pointing their guns at Fearless Leader.  "Why 
ask, Fearless Leader?  You already know the answer.  Arrest him!"

"Put your hands in the air!" said one of the gunmen.

"What the...?" said Fearless Leader as he raised his hands slightly. 
"Wait.  What the hell is going on?"

The Ultimate Ninja clicked a TV remote in his hand towards the big TV 
screen in the lobby.  "As you should know, the mission was successful. 
Take a look."

Fearless Leader saw black and white footage of a battle between Freedom 
Chippers and the Terrorists.  One scene showed a battle between the 
Ultimate Ninja and the terrorist leader.  The terrorist leader was 
putting up a very good fight.  As the terrorist leader made his escape, 
the Ultimate Ninja ripped the mask right off the terrorist leader's face 
to reveal a face that Fearless Leader knew very well.  The face was 
Fearless Leader's face.

"That's -- that's not real!  I was nowhere near -- look, Irony Man can 
vouch for me.  We were talking together yesterday.  Irony Man?"

Irony Man shrugged his arms.  "I was talking to someone who looked like 
Fearless Leader.  Could have been a shapeshifter or..."

"You lying..."  Fearless Leader glared at Irony Man and then turned his 
attention to the Ultimate Ninja.  "Let's quit the game.  You know this 
is BS.  And the idea that I could escape from the 'real' Ultimate Ninja 
is laughable.  Or the idea that I would come back to the LNHHQ after I 
escaped from him."

"Are you suggesting something?" said the Ultimate Ninja as he pulled his 
Ginsu katana out of his belt.

"Yes.  There's something wrong about you, UN.  The way you hold that 
katana suggests you don't know how to use it.  That look on your face -- 
is a nervous look.  A look that says you can be beaten.  You never have 
that look on your face.  At least you didn't.  I guess now days though 
you need a squad of paramilitary types to beat someone.  You need to 
hire actors and shapeshifters for your victories."

"You're delusional.  I'll take you on right here."

Fearless Leader laughed and shook his head.  "No.  Not today.  And not 
me.  I'll leave you for the real thing.  He's out there.  And he's 

"Coward," sneered the Ultimate Ninja.

"I guess you better take me to jail."

A couple of paramilitary types put handcuffs and leg cuffs on Fearless 

Fearless Leader shot a look at the Ultimate Ninja.  "Oh, yeah -- and 
wReamicus -- enjoy this.  Enjoy it all.  It's all going to end very soon."

wReamicus Maximus, in his cloned Ultimate Ninja body, looked at the 
Ginsu Katana in his hand and then at Fearless Leader and his men. 
"Well?  What are you waiting for?  Take him away!  Take him away!"

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Some bar --

Mr. Homage tapped one finger on the table as he watched the two other 
people who were sitting with him.  One was a man whose face and hands 
were all different colors.  The other was a man wearing a cowboy hat 
with a shirt that read 'Will Have Sex For Beer!'  "Who is this person 
you're with Color Error Man?  I told you to come alone."

"Oh, he's cool, Mr. Homage.  He's my Brother-In-Law!  You remember my 
kid sister Donna?  She married him."

"Yeah.  Color Error Man's Brother-In-Law.  The one.  The only.  Except 
No Substitute." Color Error Man's Brother-In-Law pumped up his fist in 
the air.  "Yee Ha!"

"I see."  Mr. Homage took a pretzel out the bowl.  "Look.  I'd really 
prefer that we speak alone."  He snapped the pretzel in two with his 

"Oh, sure!  I understand."  Color Error Man turned his eyes towards his 
Brother-In-Law.  "Why don't you get us some drinks -- umm -- what do you 
want Mr. Homage?"

"Vodka Martini.  Shaken.  Not Stirred."

"Umm -- and get me -- oh, I don't know -- anything with a lot of color 
in it."

"Gotcha!" Color Error Man's Brother-In-Law slapped Color Error Man on 
the back.  "Gonna get me some Hair of Dawg -- see you ladies later!" 
Color Error Man's Brother-In-Law headed for the bar.

"Um -- sorry for that, Mr. Homage.  Please don't have him killed.  It 
would break Donna's heart -- I mean..."

"Relax, Color Error Man.  Just need the inside scoop on what's happening 
with the LNV.  Ever since Rumor Monger disappeared my info line into 
what's happening has been cut.  Speaking of -- you don't know what 
happened to Rumor Monger, do you?"

"Nah.  Can't say I do.  All I know is Mynabird wants him dead or alive."

"What's the mood like over there?  Ripe for rebellion?"

"Hmm.  It's okay I guess.  People are okay with Mynabird.  He gets us 
what we need.  Helps us get out of jail.  I think most people are 

"I see."  Mr. Homage snapped another pretzel into two.  "But there have 
to be some that want a different direction.  Right?"

"I guess.  Want me to make a list of names?"

"Yes.  That would be good.  What is his goal anyways?"

"Goal?  I guess killing that Easily-Discovered Man sidekick.  What's his 
name?  That's his goal."

"A sidekick?  No.  You don't create a vast supervillain army to kill 
some sidekick.  No.  It must be something bigger.  Something grand.  He 
wants to destroy the LNH.  He wants to rule the world.  Am I right?"

"I guess."

"What is his next action?"

"Oh -- um.  Assassinating the President?  Yeah -- that's what's up next. 

"Assassinate the -- Why?  What reason could he have for doing something 
like that?"

"Umm -- don't know.  I think it's all tied to killing that sidekick."

"Killing a sidekick?  Killing a --?  No.  It has to be for some grand -- 
I can't even think of why.  It seems idiotic.  Why would -- wait.  No. 
He couldn't be that clever.  Could he?  That would -- that would mean 
he's almost as clever as -- as I am!  That can't be!  Could it?  Have I 
been underestimating him?  Is he on the same level of cleverness that I 
am?  Unthinkable!  But what if it's true?!  Damn!  My God!  When is he 
doing it?  Assassinating the President?"

"Umm -- April 16th, I think.  You gonna do something, boss?"

"Hmm."  Mr. Homage stroked his metal plate chin.  "I suppose more 
patriotic person might warn our President.  Am I that person?  I need to 
think about that."

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The White House --

Can't sleep.

Hex Luthor walked over to his window and drew open the curtains. 
Nighttime.  Of course you couldn't tell anymore.  It was all Beige, the 
sky.  No stars.  Or moon.  Just Beige.

He had big day tomorrow.  Everything was going to happen.  There was 
going to be a big battle.  Filled with heroes and villains.  The heroes 
were going to make one last attempt to stop him.  One last attempt to 
halt the inevitable.  Bicycle Repair Lad would be there.  Yes.  He 
would.  They would battle for one last time.  And he would kill him. 
Yes.  He would finally kill him.

A New World was coming.  A New Age.  And Bicycle Repair Lad would have 
no place in it.

No.  There would be new heroes.  Him.  Hex Luthor.  The Savior of the World.

He took out the Cosmic Plot Device hidden in his pocket.  Tomorrow.  It 
would all change.  Tomorrow.

He looked at the time on his watch.  Midnight.

Well.  What do you know?  Tomorrow is already here.  Hex Luthor smiled.

And closed the curtains.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

NEXT:  The Conclusion of Imperium Hex...

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****


Ideas for Beige Midnight by Saxon Brenton, James Enright, Lalo Martins, 
Martin Phipps, Rob Rogers, and Arthur Spitzer...

Dekay and Diskolor, The Bryttle Brothers created by Todd "Scavenger" 
Kogutt, used with permission...

Hexadecimal Luthor created by Chris Hare and reinvented by Saxon Brenton...

HexFire Club

Manga Man - Craig Thomas Judd
Mr. Tiddles - Saxon Brenton
Mr. Nasty (Ultimate Savior) - Martin Phipps
wReamicus Maximus (Ultimate Ninja) - wReam
Irony Man - Doug Moran


Bicycle Repair Lad - Chris Hare
Catalyst Lass - Elisabeth Riba
Cannon Fodder - wReam
Cheesecake Eater Lad - M. Jotham Millheiser
Dr. Stomper - T. M. Neeck
Fearless Leader - Dave Van Domelen
HellCatalyst - Jeff McCoskey
Kid Kirby - Jameel Al Khavitz
Knife Fight Dude - Arthur Spitzer
Wikiboy - Tom Russell

The Bicycle Liberation Front - Saxon Brenton

Fourth Wall Lass - Saxon Brenton
Retcon Lad - Saxon Brenton
Anal-Retentive Archive Kid - Saxon Brenton
Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy - Jamas Enright
Lenny the squirrel - Saxon Brenton
Net.Elementalist - Jamas Enright
Twitter - Rob Rogers

LNV'rs -

Legion of Net.Villains - Unknown
Color-Error Man -- Drizzt
Color-Error Man's Brother-In-Law - Arthur Spitzer
Dr. Virus Love - Arthur Spitzer
Mynabird (suit) - Rob Rogers
          (mite) - Arthur Spitzer
Mr. Homage - Drizzt
Ripping Dancer  - Arthur Spitzer
Romantic Innuendo I - wReam
Romantic Innuendo II - Martin Phipps (?)
Vector Sublime - Rob Rogers and Arthur Spitzer

Others -

Al-Qaeda Amerika - Saxon Brenton
ApocaLISP - Saxon Brenton
Dizzy Collar - Arthur Spitzer
Dr. Boom - The Saint
The Gothic Gorilla - Arthur Spitzer
Iron-Fisted Imam -- Saxon Brenton
Jane Smith - Martin Phipps
Joe Ordinary and his brother - Martin Phipps
Sahar - Saxon Brenton
Ultimate Savior - Arthur Spitzer
The Very-Disturbed-Scary-Creature Man - Arthur Spitzer

Arthur's Notes:

A quarter of the way through...

Oh and just incase you're wondering, Beige Midnight takes place around 
March and April 2008...

If you're confused about this story you can read these...


(Probably won't help)...

Arthur "Tired of this..." Spitzer

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