usVerse: The Unfinished Sentence-Verse #11

Tarq mitchell_crouch at
Mon Nov 24 00:02:20 PST 2008

The face of the Reborn Undead Vampire Zombie Jascha Heifetz!

Girlfriend 11-20-2030 gasped. "Reborn Undead Vampire Zombie Jascha
Heifetz! No! I thought... I thought..."

"You thought I was dead!" cackled Jascha Heifetz. "But it's not so
easy to kill a Reborn Undead Vampire, is it? Especially when they have
a tendency to come back as a zombie!"

"Especially when they have a tendency to come back as a zombie!"
agreed a random screaming civilian who was being devoured by a shark
in a Santa Claus hat.

Jascha Heifetz advanced menacingly, reaching into his pocket and
pulling what looked like a switch-blade but was actually a switch-
violin. He switched his switch-violin, making it instead a violin-
switch, and jabbed at the air between them, forcing Girlfriend
11-20-2030 to retreat.

"Dastardly," she gasped. Swallowing, she bravely held her hands out in
what she hoped was a pacifying gesture. "Jascha," she began. "Jascha.
I want you to know... I want you to know I never wanted to things to
end like they did. And..." She shook her head. "But why? Why, Jascha?
After all this time, and eleven years of pretending to be King

Reborn Undead Vampire Zombie Jascha Heifetz lowered his violin-switch
slightly. "Actually, it's a very long story. Are you sure you want to
hear all of it?"

Behind her back, Girlfriend 11-20-2030 pulled the pin out of a
concealed hand grenade and moved closer. Reborn Undead Vampire Zombie
Jascha Heifetz had to be stopped, at any cost. She could only hope
that his death would somehow stop the Santa Claus Shark Massacre o'
2035, and that her own death would not be in vain.

"I searched the world for you, 11-20-2030," Heifetz began. "But it
soon became clear that no one was going to help a Reborn Undead
Vampire Zombie. So... so I..." He began to choke on his words, and he
raised his violin-switch and pulled out a switch-bow which he then
switched into a bow-switch. "Please... may I tell this story through

Girlfriend 11-20-2030 nodded her consent, the metal of the grenade
cold against her soft hands. "Sure thing, doc."

"Well... Jascha Heifetz went down to California, he was lookin' for a
girlfriend to keell, he was in a bind 'coz he was way behind and he
was willin' to make a deal. He came across King Mookie playin' on the
fiddle and playin' it hot, and Heitfetz jumped up on a hickory stump
and said...

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