[ASH] LL&DD #7 - Sex, Wounds and Simulations

Dave Van Domelen dvandom at haven.eyrie.org
Thu Mar 20 21:43:19 PDT 2008

Author: Andy Burton

     The cover is split into three panes in a Y shape.  The top pane shows
what look to be parody versions of Lady Lawful and Doctor Developer leering
at each other.  The lower right pane shows Doctor Developer in traction in a
hospital bed, and the lower left pane shows an 8-bit version of Lady Lawful
running through a trap-filled platformer game.

 Coherent                                                  LL&DD #7
 Comics          | ADY | AWFUL    __        __             Sex, Wounds and
 Presents an     |__   |__     &  | \ OCTOR | \ EVELOPER     Simulations
 ASHistory Tale:                  |_/       |_/            copyright 2008 
 Warning: Mature Content                                    by Andy Burton

[June 3, 2007 - Chicago, IL]

     Lady Lustful struggled against the chains that secured her to the stone
column, grinding and writhing, trying to free herself from her bondage.
Small, incomprehensible grunts escaped from her nose and around the red,
rubber ball wedged between her lips.  All for naught, though.  Nothing was
loose, nothing budged.
     Lady Lustful was still trussed tightly when the dungeon door creaked
open.  Her grunting pleads only increased as the shadows shifted.
     "Well, well, well," a masculine voice spoke, "if it isn't my favorite
filly."  From the shadows Doctor Deeplover appeared, wearing only his leather
jacket and the goggles atop his head.  "You escaped from me last time, Lady
Lustful, but it won't happen again."
     Lady Lustful let out a plaintive, frightened grunt.  Her chest began
heaving quickly as Doctor Deeplover stepped closer.  He stopped right in
front of Lady Lustful and smiled devilishly for a moment.  Then, with no
warning, he reached out, grabbed Lady Lustful's costume with both hands, and
began tearing it apart.
     In a single rip, Lady Lustful's chest was completely uncovered.  A
second rip tore her costume away, exposing the flesh between her legs.  With
her body now exposed and at his mercy, Doctor Deeplover leaned forward and
began savagely kissing Lady Lustful's neck and shoulders.
     Her groaning increased, with intermittent squeaks as Doctor Deeplover's
hands explored her exposed flesh.
     This display went on for several more seconds until the scene suddenly
froze in place, with Doctor Deeplover reaching his hand around Lady Lustful's
back so he could flip her around.

     "Who sent you this?" Jennifer asked.  She tossed the VCR remote over to
the coffee table, out of Cameron's reach.  He tracked the remote with his
eyes before refocusing on Jennifer.
     "I think it was Software Pirate," he answered.  "He...uh...said he found
     Jennifer turned and stared at the screen.  "I can't...This is...."  She
shook her head.  "Actually...it's not that bad."
     "Did you know if you rearrange the letters in 'developer', you can spell
'deeplover'?"  Cameron asked.  "How would you feel if I changed my code
     Jennifer patted Cameron on the cheek. "I don't think Jack would much
like it," she told him.  Cameron nodded after a moment's thought.  While he
was thinking about it, Jennifer leaned forward and picked the remote up from
where it landed earlier.  Remote in hand, she pressed the Play button.
     After a few more minutes of watching Lady Lustful and Doctor Deeplover,
Cameron leaned closer to Jennifer, sliding his arm around her waist.  "You
know," he whispered into her ear, "I can think of something more entertaining
that watching this."
     "Yes," Jennifer replied, her eyes twinkling.
     "Well, I was going to suggest that we...."
     Jennifer shook her head, and stood up from the couch, pulling Cameron
along with her.  "I meant...yes," she paused, "Doctor Deeplover."
     Cameron smiled.  "Prepare to submit to me, Lady Lustful!" he cried,
tugging Jennifer closer to him with enough force that he was able to sling
her over his shoulder.  She let out a giggling squeal.  "No one can save you

               *              *              *              *

[March 12, 1998 - Chicago, IL]

     Jennifer left a trail of kisses along Cameron's bare shoulder, stopping
when she reached the strap of his sleeveless undershirt.  "Does it hurt?" she
asked, keeping her chin close to his shoulder, but not quite resting it on
him.  She pulled her head back when he started to move his arm.
     "Only when I...."  He stopped suddenly, with his left arm only having
moved a few inches from his side.  "Augh," he choked.  Jennifer winced at his
exclamation.  "Only when I move it," he concluded.
     "Poor guy," she sympathized.  She gave his shoulder a last kiss before
leaning back in the yellow, plastic chair.
     "Not your fault," he replied, "I should have taken your belt off."  He
paused for a moment, watching Jennifer watch him.  "In my defense, though,
you really look hot in the belt, and I hated to ruin the moment."
     "Not that knocking you half way across the room did that," Jennifer
answered back, "Oh, no."  Cameron smiled at her and shook his head.  "Next
time, take the belt off...no matter how hot I look."
     He raised his right hand and swore, "On my honor as a bona fide hero."
     Before either could continue, a voice interrupted them.  "McKay?" it
called, "Cameron McKay?"  Cameron waved with his good arm and stood up.  "The
doctor will see you know."  As he stepped closer to the nurse, she looked
past Cameron and gave Jennifer a knowing look.  "Haven't seen you in a while,
Cameron.  Special occasion?"
     Cameron answered in a tone he remembered all too well from childhood,
the kind he used when his mother caught him trying to take something apart,
"First anniversary."
     "Mmm-hm," the nurse nodded, unconvinced by his excuse.  "Tell it to the
doctor when he asks why you didn't take her belt off."

               *              *              *              *

[April 1, 1998 - Chicago, IL]

     "Hey, Deedee?" Jennifer asked.  She turned away from the monitor of her
desktop computer and glanced back at Cameron, who was sitting on their couch.
He looked up from the magazine in response.  "Who's Captain Dogooder?"
     The look of shock on Cameron's face when he said, "No one," contradicted
his statement as thoroughly could be imagined.  It was such a serious
contradiction that Jennifer turned sideways in her chair so she could fix
him with a stare.
     "Okay, see, when you say, 'No one' like that, then I know it must be
someone," she replied.  "Spill it."
     Cameron grumbled, closed his magazine, and rubbed his eyes with both
hands.  Victory was hers.  "How did you hear about Captain Dogooder?"
     Jennifer motioned to the computer with her head.  "Someone on s.s.ash
said they overheard some villain talking about Captain Dogooder."  She looked
back at the screen.  "To quote, 'Captain Dogooder didn't see this happening.'
So, who is he?  Some kind of precog?"
     Cameron fidgeted for a moment before answering.  "You can't reply to
that, okay.  I'll tell you, but you have to swear...."  He stopped.  "You
have to swear that if you tell anyone about this, I get to try out Plan 697.
     Plan 697 was something Jennifer knew from Cameron's collection of
deathtrap designs.  It was one of about three traps she not only flat out
refused to let him build but also swore she'd never test for him if he did.
Whoever Captain Dogooder was, Cameron was either very serious about keeping
it a secret...or he was willing to leverage Jennifer's own curiosity against
     "Fair enough.  It's a deal!"
     Cameron stood up from the couch and waved Jennifer to follow him.  "I
can show you easier than I can explain it," he said.  Jennifer nodded,
standing up from her chair.  Cameron guided them through the kitchen, and
ultimately into the garage, which was split in half between housing
Jennifer's car and a small workshop for Cameron.  Doctor Developer's science
lab away from his regular science lab, as it was.
     He sat down on the stool in front of his work bench and fired up the
stack of computers next to it.  Cameron had access to a much more powerful
computing system at the Four Strikes' base, but the little cluster of systems
he'd put together was his preferred means of computing, since it was
personalized down to the last microchip.  There may not have been any
Super-Tech built into his Jennivac...the name he'd christened the machine
with...but Cameron had squeezed enough raw power out of the machine that, to
the untrained eye, it was difficult to tell the difference.
     When the Jennivac's boot-up reached a point where Cameron could begin
entering commands, Jennifer watched as he typed: C-P-T-N-D-G-D-R.  Then with
the press of the Enter key, the screen flashed white and a Loading bar
appeared on the screen.
     "Captain Dogooder," Cameron explained, "really isn't a person.  He...or
she...is a suite of simulation software that a lot of the more technological
villains use to try and out-think you...uh, us good guys."
     When the Loading bar finished, it disappeared from view.  The blank
white screen was replaced by an empty room with white floors and walls.  As
seconds passed, objects began to fade into view: a conveyor belt, a large
saw, and yellow chemical barrels.  Finally, lying on the conveyor belt,
Jennifer saw a familiar, if pixilated, red-and-blue uniform and blond hair
     "Your version of Captain Dogooder is Lady Lawful?" Jennifer asked
     "I obviously have mine customized for, uh, personal use, not
professional," Cameron explained.  Jennifer didn't reply at first, instead
she watched as the little Lady Lawful began to kick her legs and squirm on
the screen.  "In fact, I've only been using this lately...well, not even
lately; it's been a few weeks since I logged in..."
     "Who wrote this?" Jennifer asked.
     "No one...a lot of people," Cameron answered.  "The core code was
something Software Pirate...borrowed...from an old AI that Jack Turnbull
wrote.  He plugged in a psychology engine some MIT students were working on.
I put together a very simple engine to handle the non-violation physics.
Other villains modify the code as they need it.  My copy is a few years old;
I don't bother to update it, because it's got you...uh...well, I feed in your
data, and..."
     "Yeah," Jennifer said knowingly, "I can imagine."
     By the end of Cameron's explanation, the little Lady Lawful sprite had
managed to break free from her place on the conveyor belt and was running
toward the exit.  Just before she reached it, what looked like a cloud of
grey pixels swarmed around her.  The sprite fell over, and the screen reset.
The next scene featured the little red-and-blue sprite hanging over a glowing
pit.  It didn't take long for the sprite to begin swinging herself back and
     "So, it just goes on like that?" Jennifer asked.
     Cameron was watching the screen so intently that he had to shake his
head to break his concentration.  "Pretty much.  Captain Dogooder works its
way through however many schemes you program in, until it reaches the best
possible outcome.  Most of mine are 'Leave Lady Lawful alone to escape,' but
you could do heists, assassinations, and all kinds of things with it.  Given
enough time and precise data, it'll map out how best to stymie your enemy.
     "I imagine what the poster to your newsgroup probably heard was some one
commenting on a hero with a new trick.  Captain Dogooder can only predict a
hero's actions based on known information.  Power mutations, new gadgets, or
changing sidekicks are beyond its scope."  Cameron turned back to watch the
screen, this time the Lady Lawful sprite was trying to escape from a tube
filling with water.
     "Are all your plans programmed into Captain Dogooder?" Jennifer asked.
Cameron nodded.  "Even Plan 697?"
     "Oh, yeah, that's in there," he replied.
     "Pull it up," Jennifer commanded.  Cameron looked up at her, with a
question on his face.  "I want to see how Plan 697 works."
     Cameron turned away and began loading the proper file for his plan.
"Why?" he asked.
     "I want to see how bad Plan 697 really is," Jennifer explained, "because
depending on that...telling everyone about Captain Dogooder is just too juicy
to pass on."


Next Issue:

     Whatever happens, happens.  :)


Author's Notes:

     The first two of these vignettes appeared on my LiveJournal last year,
so depending on how I know you, they may not be new.  The third is brand new
today.  Plan 697, for the record, is something Lady Lawful repeatedly
declines, because it requires other people to be in the trap, and that's
really all I'm ever going to say on the matter.  :)

Editor's Notes:

     Consider the first vignette to be the Third Age descendant of "Aunt
Jane's Bible" in CSS #10.  Strictly speaking, the Department of SuperHuman
Affairs would do its best to quash that sort of thing, since merchandising of
supernormals was part of their job.  Despite being potentially protected as
parody, "Doctor Deeplover" pornos could be construed as damaging to the
brand.  Not to mention potentially less interesting than simply hiding cameras
around...never mind.  ;)  
     Yes, supernormals are immensely powerful entites potentially capable of
ravaging cities, but they're also potentially lucrative intellectual
property, and the DSHA plays both sides of that particular fence.
     In the third story, "s.s.ash" is soc.superhumans.ash, a Usenet group.
There's also a sci.superhumans.* hierarchy, but it's more about the details
of violation physics, and gets very little traffic compared to the soc.*
     Jack Turnbull wrote the "Navi" AI in the original Solar Max's helmet, as
seen in the Solar Max 2000 special.  I'm pretty sure I didn't take the name
from any real AI expert, but it's been eight years since I wrote that story.
A quick Google on the name indicates that if there is a Jack Turnbull
involved in AI, he's too obscure to show up anywhere.  There are a few other
Turnbulls involved in AI, though.  He's not any of them.


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