LNH: Eggplant the Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon #3: 'Beige Easter'

EDMLite robrogers72 at gmail.com
Tue Mar 18 15:51:46 PDT 2008

On Mar 17, 7:49 pm, Arthur Spitzer <arspit... at earthlink.net> wrote:
>                   The Jong Company Proudly Presents:
>               Eggplant the Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon
>                              "Beige Easter"

It's sick, sad and wrong how much I was hoping this would

> It was followed by the sound of a komodo dragon
> wearing an Easter bonnet on its head and number of FBI agents bursting
> into the room with guns a blazing.

I'd hate to be the Foley artist trying to come up with
sound effects for this issue...

> "Wow!  Two Holiday Miracle Pets -- in the same room!  And the FBI and
> CIA!  This whole beige egg thing must be bigger than we thought, Sarge!"

I can hardly wait for the debut of "Borscht, the Passover Miracle
Wombat."  Or "Furbish Lousewort, the Miracle Arbor Day Snail
Darter."  But mostly because it feels naughty to say "furbish

> "You see, Shirley was a Federal witness for a gruesome crime.  And
> Cabbage was supposed to protect her.  But he failed.  And she died.  The
> killer was never caught.  Eggplant went kind of crazy after that never
> forgiving Cabbage for his failure to protect Shirley.  Cabbage quit the
> FBI and joined the CIA.  And I guess the wounds still haven't healed."

[begin flashback sequence]

"Shirley!  My God, Shirley...are you all right?"

"No, Eggplant.  I'm a frayed Knott."

> "Because I read, Kid.  The Net.ional Net.qui.error and Mid.Net Star.
> Because they tell it like it is.  And because my wife buys them and I
> need something to read when I'm taking a dump."

It's lines like these that make me proud to be
a newspaper journalist...

> "Aw, Cabbage has his little tiny ferret arms out!  I think he wants to
> give Eggplant a hug!  And Eggplant -- he's opening up his mouth -- and
> -- Oh god!  Eggplant just swallowed him!  Oh god!  This is horrible!
> Eggplant just ate Cabbage!"

I'm glad to see that Eggplant discovered the True
Meaning of St. Patrick's Day... fighting and eating

> This is pretty horrible, but I felt I needed to write it anyway.

Not at all.  In fact, I'll go out on a limb and say
this was the best holiday-themed ferret vs. Komodo
dragon story I've ever read.

--Easily-Discovered Man Lite
--Wishing everyone a happy Evacuation Day

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