LNH: Eggplant the Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon #3: 'Beige Easter'

[EDMLite]

On Mar 17, 7:49 pm, Arthur Spitzer <arspit... at earthlink.net> wrote:
>                   The Jong Company Proudly Presents:
>               Eggplant the Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon
>
>                              "Beige Easter"

It's sick, sad and wrong how much I was hoping this would
happen...


> It was followed by the sound of a komodo dragon
> wearing an Easter bonnet on its head and number of FBI agents bursting
> into the room with guns a blazing.

I'd hate to be the Foley artist trying to come up with
sound effects for this issue...

> "Wow!  Two Holiday Miracle Pets -- in the same room!  And the FBI and
> CIA!  This whole beige egg thing must be bigger than we thought, Sarge!"

I can hardly wait for the debut of "Borscht, the Passover Miracle
Wombat."  Or "Furbish Lousewort, the Miracle Arbor Day Snail
Darter."  But mostly because it feels naughty to say "furbish
lousewort."

> "You see, Shirley was a Federal witness for a gruesome crime.  And
> Cabbage was supposed to protect her.  But he failed.  And she died.  The
> killer was never caught.  Eggplant went kind of crazy after that never
> forgiving Cabbage for his failure to protect Shirley.  Cabbage quit the
> FBI and joined the CIA.  And I guess the wounds still haven't healed."

[begin flashback sequence]

"Shirley!  My God, Shirley...are you all right?"

"No, Eggplant.  I'm a frayed Knott."

> "Because I read, Kid.  The Net.ional Net.qui.error and Mid.Net Star.
> Because they tell it like it is.  And because my wife buys them and I
> need something to read when I'm taking a dump."

It's lines like these that make me proud to be
a newspaper journalist...

> "Aw, Cabbage has his little tiny ferret arms out!  I think he wants to
> give Eggplant a hug!  And Eggplant -- he's opening up his mouth -- and
> -- Oh god!  Eggplant just swallowed him!  Oh god!  This is horrible!
> Eggplant just ate Cabbage!"

I'm glad to see that Eggplant discovered the True
Meaning of St. Patrick's Day... fighting and eating
cabbage...

> This is pretty horrible, but I felt I needed to write it anyway.

Not at all.  In fact, I'll go out on a limb and say
this was the best holiday-themed ferret vs. Komodo
dragon story I've ever read.

--Easily-Discovered Man Lite
--Wishing everyone a happy Evacuation Day