LNH: Possum-Man: Relinquished #5: Lady of the Manor

Martin Phipps martinphipps2 at yahoo.com
Sat Mar 8 05:23:55 PST 2008

On Mar 8, 7:08 pm, Tarq <mitchell_cro... at caladrius.com.au> wrote:

> "You know, Sticks," Stones said in a mock-sympathetic tone, "that
> there are only two people in the audience, don't you? You realise
> that, right?"

> Monica laughed as Sticks drew his lips tightly together. "Yes," he
> conceded. "But apparently no volunteers!"

Okay, so this would appear to be the scene that helps to remind us of
Possum Man's civilian identity and supporting cast.

> "Ah, Possum-Man! I'm glad I could get onto you." Hank, just like
> everyone else, had no idea of Sticks' dual identity, but by a random
> programming fluke, Sticks had enabled calls dialled to 'possun' to be
> automatically redirected to his mobile. Yes, 'possun', with an 'n'; it
> was a random programming fluke, after all, and it's still remarkably
> similar. On the other hand, 'n' and 'm' are both on the '6' key of
> most phone keypads, so thus far the error, if it could really be
> called an error, had gone unnoticed. "We think we've located the cargo
> ship that Green-on-Black stole the other month. It was located by a
> journalist; name of David Sawley."

Okay.  You get an A for effort here.  I wonder though if 767786 could
spell an actual word other than possum.

> He reached down to undo his laces and kneed himself in the face.

I was just watching Mythbusters on the Discovery Channel here.  Has
Mythbusters ever delt with any superhero myths?  I mean, Superman is
usually shown changing in a phone booth.  Would it be possible for
Clark Kent to take off his shoes and pants in a phone booth or would
there not be enough room?  And what happens to his clothes then?
Presumably he flies to some secluded location and stashes his clothes
because leaving clothes (never mind a wallet) behind in a phone booth
would be a monumentally bad idea.

> Rubbing his sore nose, he looked around and, once he'd confirmed that
> no one had witnessed his clumsiness and paid off those who had with
> 'quiet money', sat down and undid his laces normally.

This senstence is a bit awkward.  If he had "confirmed that no one
witnessed his clumsiness" then nobody had witnessed his clumsiness.  I
think you should have said "checked" and not "confirmed".

> "No, I had shoes on before, and, like my vest and pants, I didn't have
> my booties with me."

A but I assume that Superman's booties fit in his regular shoes.
After all, he's able to tuck his cape into the back of his pants
(which helps maintain his identity because everybody thinks that Clark
Kent has an enormous ass) and Angel is able to hide his wings under
his shirt and Captain America is able to hide his shield under his.
We've even had scenes where a passed out Steve Rogers has his shirt
removed and the bad guy says "It's Captain America!" and there's his
shield on his back and everything.  Again, it helps maintain his
secret identity because people think Steve Rogers has a hunchback.

> "You're barely dressed!"
> "Sorry," the Possum-Man apologised, but he knew -- like you and I,
> dear, gentle, beloved reader, -- that he had his layers of styrofoam
> muscles on underneath all the spandex.

Did I know that?  I guess I forgot.  Damn.  I didn't know there was
going to be a quiz.

> "I hope it was worth poor Deano not having a daddy. Hank, can we lock
> him up under suspicion? Or something like that?"

I'm not familiar with Australian law but I think the answer would be

> By the time Possum-Man reached the harbour, it was approaching late
> afternoon. He had, naturally, stayed to argue with the teacher, and
> had been put on detention as a result. You may be wondering, dear
> reader, what right that teacher had to put a fully frown man on
> detention, because, well, he wasn't a student at the school --

Actually, I'm wondering if she would have let him go if he had been
smiling and not frowning.

> but if
> you were Possum-Man, and you were told you weren't allowed to stay
> somewhere simply because you weren't a student, you would've enrolled
> too, wouldn't you?

Actually, I think the teacher's "supple bosom" might have wanted me to

> "What do you mean, you 'broke out of detention'?" he fumed.
> "Well, the other kids were picking on me, and I had to get out, and
> Ms. Lamont was standing outside the door so I smashed a window and
> climbed out-"
> "You smashed a window?! Why didn't you just _open_ the window?"
> Pos shrugged. "I dunno. It didn't occur to me?"

Next time Possum Man spends time in school he should take the time
first to have the plans to the school grounds tatooed onto his back so
he can plan his escape route. :)

> This time she paused for dramatic effect, giving you, the reader, time
> to turn the page and encounter the two-page spread of her declaration
> of identity.

I could have done without the in-house ads promoting Beige Countdown.

> Ha ha! IT'S STILL THIS WEEK!! Man, does it ever feel good to post
> another story, after only a long time since my last post which was a
> story which was indeed a long time. I have written most of this within
> the past twenty-four hours! Can you tell? More specifically, I'll
> totally find some kind of prize to give to someone if they can tell me
> which paragraph I began on yesterday after several weeks of not
> touching this document. Just for kicks.

I'm quite positive it was the paragraph where you made the lame POS-
itive pun. :)

Anyway, this issue sucked.

I'm not kidding.  Really, it was bad.  Worst thing I ever read.

Ha!  I'm lying.  I'm not the kind of person who just trashes a
person's story.  Not me.  Seriously, once Possum Man got on the ship
it was a quick read.  It probably flowed as well as it did precisely
because you wrote that part in one sitting.


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