Superfreaks: Mading Mysteries #1

[Martin Phipps]

                             MADING MYSTERIES

                           A SUPERFREAKS SERIES

                                    #1

                    PART I: THE CASE OF THE CONFUSED COP

  Mading was at home watching TV when he heard a knock at the door.  He went to answer the door and found a couple of people dressed in the uniforms of Taiwanese police officers.  This didn't come as a complete surprise because he was living in Taiwan at the time.  He was curious as to what they wanted, however.
  "Can I help you?" Mading asked.
  "I'm Officer Guo and this is my partner, Officer Lee.  We're here to question you about the attempted murder of a man in Taipei last night."
  "Okay."
  "You're going to have to come with us to the station."
  "Right now?" Mading asked.
  "Yes.  Right now."
  "Okay," Mading asked.  With a wave of his hand, Mading transported the three of them to the local police station.
  "What?" Officer Guo asked.  "I meant that you came with us in our car!"
  "But this was faster, wasn't it?" Mading asked.  "You said it was important."
  Officer Guo nodded.  "So it is.  Follow me."
  Mading followed Officer Guo into the interogation room.
  "You still haven't told me what this is all about," Mading said.
  "Yes, I did," Officer Guo countered.  "I told you this was about a murder attempt."
  "But what does this have to do with me?"
  "I'll show you," Officer Guo told him.  He then turned on a TV and started a DVD player.  "This was taken from a camera in a store in Taipei last night.  As you can see there was an inruder in the store.  Mister Yang came downstairs to see who it was and the intruder shot him.  You can clearly see from the security camera who it was."
  Mading looked at the footage.  "It definitely looks like me."
  "There's more.  Somebody fitting your description took Mister Yang to the hospital.  He then vanished in thin air."
  "Wait.  So now you're saying I saved him."
  "If he dies then it's still murder one."
  "Wait," Mading said.  "Let's take another look at the tape."
  "Okay."  Officer Guo played the footage again.
  "Where's the gun?"
  "You tell us."
  "No, seriously.  You see me from the waist up.  You can see my hands.  Where's the gun?  And look: it seems as though I'm talking to somebody."
  "There wasn't anybody else on the tape."
  "That means I was talking to somebody off camera."
  "Alright.  Who?"
  "I don't know."
  "You don't remember?"
  "I mean I wasn't there last night.  I was at home.  But I do have an idea what might have happened.  Come here."  Mading motioned for Officer Guo to come closer.
  "What is it?"
  "Let's go!" Mading said and the two of them were transported elsewhere.

  "Where are we?"
  "We're at the scene of the crime," Mading said.
  "That's impossible," Officer Guo said.  "This are should be cordonned off.  There should be CSIs working here right now going over every inch of this place for clues."
  "Except that Mister Yang hasn't been shot yet.  This is last night.  I took us back in time."
  "What?"
  "Just look out the window.  It's night time."  Mading sighed.  "And there's the security camera.  So, it is as I suspected: the security camera was videotaping me.  And you are the one who I was talking to.  And, as you can see, I don't have a gun."
  Officer Guo nodded.  "So you're innocent.  But then who shot Mister Yang?"
  "We're going to find out soon enough," Mading said.  "This is just moments before Mister Yang was shot."
  "Then the killer is already here!" Officer Guo realized.  He pulled out his gun.
  "Wait..."
  "Do you hear that?" Officer Guo asked.  "Somebody's coming down the stairs!  It must be the killer!"
  "I think I know what happened..."
  Just then somebody appeared at the foot of the stairs.  "Stop right there!  Don't move!" Officer Guo said.  He pointed his gun at the man.
  "Here's what happened..."
  The man, terrified, turned to run back up the stairs.  Officer Guo fired his gun.
  "You shot Mister Yang."
  "What?"
  The man fell to the ground.  It was Mister Yang.  He'd been shot.
  "It was dark.  You couldn't see his face.  It was an accident."
  "Oh my God!"
  "I'll take him to the hospital.  Then I'll come back for you and bring you back to the station.  Then you'll have to turn yourself in."
  "What?"
  "I'm afraid you have no choice, Officer.  Ballistics evidence is going to confirm that the bullet that shot Mister Yang came from your gun.  There'll be no denying it."
  Mading scooped up Mister Yang and disappeared, leaving Officer Guo standing there dumbfounded.
  "@$$hole!" he said under his breath.

                       PART II: THE INCREDIBLE HUNK

  Mading went to see a psychiatrist named Doctor Tsai.
  "Excuse me," Mading said.  "Are you Doctor Tsai?"
  "No," the Doctor replied.
  "So you're not Doctor Tsai?"
  "No.  I'm I'm Doctor Tsai!"
  "Excuse me?"
  "My name isn't pronounced 'Tsai?'.  It's pronounced 'Tsai!'"
  "Oh, I see," Mading said.  "Alright then.  So you're Doctor Tsai, aren't you?"
  "Yes.  That would be me."
  "I need to talk to you."
  "Of course.  Go ahead."
  Mading sighed.  "First of all, I want you to know I'm not crazy."
  "Of course," Doctor Tsai said.  "Nobody thinks they are crazy."
  Mading's eyes widenned.  "Wow.  That's the least reassuring thing you could have said."
  "I apologize.  Go on."
  "Can I lie back on your couch?"
  "Go ahead."
  Mading lied back on his couch.  "Wow.  This is really comfortable."
  "Don't go to sleep."
  "No, I mean, I wish my wife were here right now.  The two of us could make good use of this couch."
  Doctor Tsai nodded.  "I see.  So you're suffering from sex addiction."
  "You're very astute."
  "You're very obvious."
  "I suppose so.  But 'suffering' isn't exactly the right word.  I'm actually very happy."
  "So why are you here?"
  Mading became serious.  "It's about my marriage.  I'm concerned that my libido is having a negative effect."
  "Go on."
  "I think my wife would prefer that I didn't look at other women.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that she doesn't like me looking at other women."
  "But you do anyway?"
  "Well, of course.  Because I'm here in Taiwan.  I've always liked Chinese women.  And now that it's summertime... phwoa!  Everywhere I look I see teenaged girls and girls in their early twenties in short skirts or teeny tiny shorts or tight tight jeans and... oooh.  If I didn't look I'd be missing out on so much!"
  "What about before you came to Taiwan?"
  "Well then I was in the Philippines... and that was even better!  Mmmm!  It was summertime all year round and the girls were tanned..."
  "Okay.  I see the problem."
  "So what do you suggest I do?"
  Doctor Tsai sighed.  "You need to keep your libido bottled up."
  "Bottled up?"
  "Yes.  You need to take your libido, bottle it up and just keep it tucked away."
  "Tucked away, huh?"
  "Yes."
  "Don't I need to keep a little bit of libido, you know, for my wife."
  Doctor Tsai sighed again.  "How old are you?"
  "Forty one."
  "It's normal for one's libido to diminish with age.  Perhaps you and your wife can find other things to do together."
  "I suppose."
  "Alright.  It's settled then."
  "Okay good.  How much do I owe you?"

  Mading paid his psychiatrist and went back home.
  "What did the doctor say?" his wife asked.
  "He said I need to keep my libido bottled up."
  "Bottled up?"
  "That's what he said."
  "What does that mean?"
  "Well what do you think it means?"  Mading went to rummage through their apartment's recycling bin for a plastic bottle.  "This will do nicely."
  "Are sure he meant put your libido in a bottle?"
  "What else could he have meant?" Mading asked as he opened the bottle.  "Now, stand back."  Mading concentrated and forced all of his libido into the bottle.  He then quickly closed the cap to keep it from escaping.
  "Is it done?" his wife asked.
  "Yep," Mading replied.  "Now... he also told me to tuck it away somewhere."  Mading thought for a moment.  "I should put it in the back of the fridge.  Keep it cold.  Otherwise, who knows what could seep out."  Mading put the bottle containing his libido in the refridgerator.
  "So you're done?"
  "Yep."
  "Good.  Because... I like."
  "What?"  Mading checked his watch.  "It's the middle of the afternoon."
  "Yeah, but... I like."
  Mading sighed.  "Oh, alright.  It might take a bit longer for me to, you know, get in the mood though, what with my libido gone."
  "It's okay.  I'll help you."
  Mading nodded.  "Alright," he said, reluctantly.  An extremely unenthusiastic Mading followed his wife into their bedroom and locked the door behind him.

  Just then, Michael, Mading's eldest son emerged from a five hour marathon of playing computer games.  "I'm thirsty!" he said out loud.  He headed to the kitchen and opened the refridgerator.  He saw a bottle at the back of the refridgerator.  Inside was a clear, colourless liquid which was bubbling.  "Mmmm!" he said.  "Sprite!"  He took the bottle and opened it.
  Before Michael could drink from the bottle, however, something emerged from the bottle.  It was Mading's libido.  Seeing as how Mading's libido contained all of Mading's sexual energy, it chose to assume a physical form which was the handsomest, most buff and most awe-inspiringly musculur as it could.  Michael ran away back to the computer and closed the door beghind him.  Just then Mading's libido disappeared.
  Mading's libido then proceeded to hit on every hot looking teenaged girl he could find... and seeing as how Mading's apartment was located near a university campus in Taiwan in the summertime that meant that Mading's libido hit on a lot of girls.  This was, however, mading's libido and not Mading's intelligence.  Thus, Mading's libido could not speak Chinese and could barely, in fact, even speak English.  Mading's libido was feeling frustrated.
  Finally, Mading's libido came across two young ladies who could speak English.
  "Wow," one of the girls said.  "You're really handsome!"
  "Yeah," the other girl said.  "You're a hunk!"
  Mading's libido replied enthusiastically.  "I... am Hunk!"
  "Yeah.  That's right."
  "Hunk... is horny!"
  "Ew."
  "Hunk is the horniest one there is!"
  "Okay, look, back off."
  "Hunk want threesome!"
  "No way!  That's it!  Just get away from us!"
  The Hunk was striking out with these two.  He could contain his frustration no more.  He screamed.
  "ARRRGGGHHH!!!" he screamed as he flexed his muscles and opened his mouth superhumanly wide, as if he were being drawn by Sal Buscema.
  The scream got Mading's attention.  Mading teleported from his bedroom down to the road where the Hunk had screamed.
  "Wow.  So that's what I'd look like with a full head of hair.  And some muscle.  And a tan."
  "Hunk is nothing like puny Mading!"
  "On the contrary, Hunk, you are me -or at least part of me.  And I need to take you back.  Right now."
  Mading concentrated and the Hunk disappated.  He reabsorbed the Hunk back into himself.  "That's better," Mading said.
  Mading teleported back to his bedroom.  "Melda?"
  "Yeah?"
  "Are you still in the mood?"
  "Yeah.  You?"
  "Oh yeah," Mading said.  "I'm very much in the mood," he said with a big smile.

                      PART III: BATTLE OF THE PLANET

  Yoko Takahashi's cell phone rang.  She answered it.
  "Hello?"
  >>Hello, Yoko, it's Mading.  I need the Power Scouts right away.<<
  "Alright."
  She hung up the phone and put it back in her pocket.  She then extended her arms and started to spin around.  As she did this, her high school uniform was magically transformed into a purple costume that was similar in style to her uniform except that her skirt was now so short that her white panties would be revealed whenever there was the slightest breeze.   
  Her costume change now complete, she then took out a make up case and held it up above her.  She then started spinning it around so that the powder dropped down onto her.  The powder started to sparkle as it landed on her.  Soon her entire body was glowing white.  Then she was gone.
  Yoko met up with the other Power Scouts (Riko, Miko, Kiko and Haruna) at Power Scouts Headquarters. 
  "Thank you all for coming here so quickly," Mading said to them.
  "What dangerous mission are you going to send us on this time, Mading?" Haruna asked, without a hint of fear or sarcasm.  She actually sounded quite enthusiastic.
  "It's not like that," Mading told them.  "There's actually some people I want you to meet."
  "Who?" Riko asked.
  "You'll see."  Mading waved his arms and the six of them disappeared.

  The six of them reappeared at Javier's Institute in Pepperton State.  The first person they saw was Tyk-El, the son of Extreme and Amazing Woman.
  "Awww!" Miko said.  "He's so cute!"
  "Where are we?" Kiko asked, already ready for battle.
  "You're at Javier's Institute.  And these people here and some friends of mine."  Mading pointed to the young group known as Javier's orphans, a group of young mutants, most of whom had lost their parents due to Rasputin's Syndrome.  "This is Mornstar: she has the power to project into your mind either your fondest desire or the grossest, sickest, most disgusting images imaginable.  And this is Fate: she has the power to make you do things you don't want to do and then forget about them later.  Tigress, meanwhile, has the power to transform into her cat form.  Mystic has the power to teleport herself and others to anyplace, anywhere or
anytime.  And Nathan here is the son of Scott Grey and his wife Jean.  His powers include time travel, super stength, flight, telekinesis, low level telepathy and energy projection to name a few."
  "Wow!" Yoko said.
  "Nice to meet you," Mornstar said.
  "And now there's one thing I want you all to do!"  Mading stood at the back of the room and gestured as though he were controlling them.  "Fight!"
  "What?" Yoko asked.
  "Seriously?" Riko asked.
  "You've got to be kidding me!" Kiko said.
  "Why can't we all just get along?" Miko asked.
  "Are we supposed to pair up or try attacking everyone at once?" was Haruna's question.
  "Actually, the way you're posed just now is almost perfect!" Mading said.  "Just a little more anger."
  "What is this all about?" Yoko asked.  "I demand to know!"
  "Perfect!" Mading said.  "Alright.  You can calm down now.  You don't have to fight.  I got the shot."
  "The what?"
  "The cover shot.  You know, like on the cover to Uncanny X-Men #100 with the Original X-Men facing the New X-Men and Professor Xavier standing in the background.  The two groups don't fight inside, of course, but somehow the story manages to recreate the image inside the book anyway.  That way the reader can't claim that what he saw on the cover didn't happen in the book."
  "What are you talking about?" Riko asked.
  "It doesn't matter.  You can all go shake hands now."
  The two teams shook hands.  It suddenly occured to Mading that now would have been the perfect time for some supervillain to attack, forcing the two teams to join forces to defeat him.  Of course, he should have thought about that before he started writing so that he could have thrown in a bit of foreshadowing.  As it is, the appearance of a supervillain at this point would not have made a lot of sense.  So it was probably best to just end the issue right here and now.

                                 THE END

NEXT: A QUANTUM OF SILLINESS

Martin