LNH: First Person Shooter Man #1

[Tarq]

Whoo! Just got back from a Sydney busking trip; what a nice welcome
home present!

I've got to say, this gives us a really nice introduction to the
character of FPS Man. As a gamer and a lover of ye olde superheroes,
the concept is immediately appealing to me, and I've got to say that
the story itself doesn't disappoint or fail to deliver. This dude is a
living, breathing fragophile, complete a loveable HUD; in my totally
bad-arse opinion, the only fault this story possesses is that there
isn't more of it. Like I said, it's a great introduction to the
character, but perhaps more on why he chose to fight crime with his
powers (okay so it's an LNH story and it's kind of self-explanatory
but I'm trying to be critical here; why didn't he become a villain
instead, for example?) and more about this particular confrontation
would be good.

On the other hand, the style and tone of this piece really is more
casual and conversational, so perhaps too much detail would detract
from this. Personally, I think poetic licence would let you swing
either way, and I've got nothing against the choice that was made, but
my desire for more FPS Man now that my assessments are done (44.5 / 45
for Extension Maths, boo yeah!) leads me to wonder if "While his
cronies are stunned, I knock 'em
 
 
 
> out the old fashioned way, and grab the stolen stuff" couldn't be somehow expanded. Plot twists might also be a good idea; if you've access to issue 579 of 'Amazing Spider-Man', check it how it's such a simple storyline but they just keep adding more beef to it. "Oh no! The Shocker made the tunnel collapse! But that's okay because we'll go this way instead which is actually easier." It takes maybe three panels up, but it's one more obstacle which Spidey has to overcome, so it makes him seem like more of a hero.

All in all, in case you missed it, I really liked the story and can't
wait for more. =D

Nicholas O'Connor wrote:
> [ Author; Nicholas O'Connor ]
> [ Title: Connecting to Server ]
> [ All characters (except for those briefly mentioned [like "walked down
> the hall and high-fived x"]) used with permission. Brief mentions will be
> removed if original creator wishes ]
>
> =-=-=-=-=->
> I wasn't sure what happened that day. One minute I'm screaming at my
> idiot teammates to cap the flag, next thing I remember I'm in the
> hospital with a 100% in the corner of my eye. So, I asked the doc (and
> Mom) to fill in the blanks.
>
> So, here's my story of how I got my powers. My name is William O. Smith.
> I've had people make cracks about how my name is Will Smith, so don't
> bother - it's not original. Anyway, I (being unable to find a job, and
> unable to rent a home out) live in my mother's basement, playing first
> person shooter games, because they're my favorite genre. It was stormy.
> and Mom had to go to the store because we ran out of milk and eggs. Hey,
> she makes awesome cakes! I was playing a game, and some idiot on my team
> was refusing to cap the enemy flag, just sitting in our base's flag room
> waiting for an enemy to show up. I get behind him, ready to TK him to get
> the flag and cap it, when the big lightning strike hit.
>
> I was electrocuted, and Mom showed up five minutes later, saw me, and
> called the hospital. On the way to the ER, somehow, I still had a few
> volts in me, and some nurse slipped on something and the cliche medical
> waste came pouring onto me. I was a little subconsious (like in an uber-
> sleep) at the time it seems, and I was thinking about whether or not that
> guy finally got the flag capped (doubt it) and I guess that's when the
> HUD and stuff came up.
>
> The doctor said that he had to implant a metal plate in my brain to stop
> some bleeding from a diecast model of an old gasoline truck falling onto
> my head, and that's probably where the mouse wheel I developed on my
> middle finger came from. Whenever I spin the thing, it keeps popping up
> different weapons and attacks.
>
> It's really weird. Oh well, Mom always says "Do the best you can with
> what you have", and I guess I should go make sure that crime gets
> reduced.
>
> =-=-=-=-=->
> I heard about these guys who call themselves the LNH, and they seem like
> a nice bunch to hang around with. Wonder if they're a clan. I walked up
> to the person at the secretary desk and she said "Sure, come on in! Oh,
> and I'm going to head to the corner store in a few minutes here, could
> you ask Lurker Lad, if you can find him, if he wants anything?"
>
> "If I see him in the next few minutes, I'll be sure to ask him," I
> replied.
>
> "Thanks."
>
> Yep, nice place. That's when that big purple phone rang.
>
> "I got it," I said to the secretary as I picked the phone up. "Hello?"
>
> "LNH? There's a robbery in progress at 16th and Broadway!" said the
> scared-as-crap lady on the phone.
>
> "I'm on it!" I say. Then I see a loading screen, which I think is a
> little odd, then ten seconds later, I'm at 16th and Broadway. Dude, how
> much RAM do I have? I see the dudes, and find a car noone's using. I
> write them a note saying "Will return, hopefully in one piece. --FPS
> Man." Hey, I may be a living FPS, but there's still laws! Anyway, I
> follow, keeping two or three cars between like in those movies. I follow
> them to a building that looks like it could be an old server farm. Once I
> get out of the car, the car vanishes, and my note appears in my hand.
> Possibly respawned? Anyway, after waiting a little while to decrease
> suspicions that the crooks are being followed, I go inside.
>
> That's when I hear the cackling. "So, someone DID follow us."
>
> "Hey, aren't you the idiot that wouldn't cap the flag?" I shoot back,
> because it sure SOUNDED like that guy.
>
> "Hey, from now on, you don't refer to me as the idiot anymore. You shall
> call me by my name: Server Admin."
>
> "Server Admin my butt!"
>
> "Come in here! Say that to my face!"
>
> All right. I scroll the mousewheel on my finger. Machinegun. That'll
> work. I go in, and immediately something whacks me in the head and I
> can't move for a few minutes.
>
> I see "Server Admin" holding a large mallet with "B&" written on it.
> "Like my new toy? I call it the 'Banhammer'."
>
> I can't even speak. Server Admin keeps cackling for a minute, then I
> regain movement powers. 100% health. Must be a reconnect deal.
>
> "I see you can move. Once I whack you while you aren't moving, you'll be
> permabanned from life, and cease to exist!"
>
> "Oh yeah?" I scroll the mousewheel. Shotgun. Yeah, that'll be fine. I
> shoot him in the hand, thus making him drop the Banhammer. Then I shoot
> him in the chest a little bit, and grab the Banhammer. My shotgun
> vanishes. I scroll the mousewheel, and the Banhammer vanishes, replaced
> by... the machinegun. Schwheetness. I start shooting him.
>
> Server Admin shouts "BANHAMMER RECALL!" My mousewheel scrolls to
> banhammer, and it flies out of my hands into his. Server Admin gets real
> annoyed. "Time to permaban!"
>
> I scroll the wheel frantically. Grenade. Oh yeah!
>
> "Oh yeah? Well, yo' mama!"
>
> Server Admin laughs at my pathetic attempt at a comeback, the perfect
> time to own him. I throw a grenade in his throat. He closes his mouth.
> Bad move. The nade blows up, bringing up a little health bar above him
> that's almost empty. I finish him off with a shotgun blast to the head.
>
> He vanishes, and so does the Banhammer (which I really wanted - that
> would be really useful for crimefighting). But I hear his voice: "You
> haven't seen the last of me. Catch you on respawn."
>
> Oh well, he's gone for now. While his cronies are stunned, I knock 'em
> out the old fashioned way, and grab the stolen stuff. Loading...back to
> 16th and Broadway. I give the stuff back, and load home. Yep, all in a
> day's work.
>
> --
> =-=-=-=-=-> Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when
> you die, your soul goes on the roof and
> gets stuck.
>    -- George Carlin