[LNH] Wisdom from Dorfan Proverbs

[Martin Phipps]

                    WISDOM FROM DORFAN PROVERBS

The great collection of Dorfan Proverbs known as Fuk Yu A So was
compiled over a thousand years ago by Dorfan philosophers and remains
to this day the basis of Dorfan thinking.  The following is a
translation of the original text.

1.  You should follow the advice given in this text.  If you don't
people will think you're a moron.  If you do, you're still a moron but
you'll be able to fool people into thinking you're the shit.

2.  Only worry about the here and now.  Don't worry about the past or
what is going on anywhere else.  You'll find out soon enough.

3.  Assume everybody around you is a moron and most of the time you'll
be right.

4.  Drink alcohol to your hearts content.  Poetry is for wimps.

5.  Nobody is your friend.  They'll all stab you in the back if they
have the chance.

6.  Do unto others before they can do unto you.

7.  He who lives by the sword gets to stick their enemy like a pig.

8.  If you don't understand what someone is saying, assume they are
insulting you.  If they are insulting you, then that's fine.  What
they're saying is probably true anyway.

9.  Money makes the world go around.  Money can buy love.  The love of
money is the root of all happiness.

10.  Don't study anything that you can pay a Lieutenant to remind you
about.  Then keep in mind that your Lieutenant may be lying or just
plain stupid so you shouldn't trust what he says.

11.  If someone is a moron then call them a moron.  If you fail to
tell people that they are morons then they might forget their place
and think they're the shit.

12.  A man who is kind to friends and acquaintances will be seen as a
wimp.

13.  You can't turn lead into gold but you can always find an idiot
who will think a bar of lead is a bar of gold and pay full price for
it.

14.  The person who comes early is an idiot because he has to sit
there and wait for the others to arrive.

15.  Those who claim to be great are implying that they are better
than you so they might as well come out and insult you explicitly and
get it over with.

16.  A man should never admit his own mistakes but should always blame
those around him.  To do otherwise would show weakness.

17.  You should never forgive others for their mistakes but rather
bring it up at any opportunity and use it as a kind of power you have
other them.

18.  Say whatever is on you mind.  A friend who says nothing is no
friend at all.  He is probably quietly scheming behind your back.

19.  Do not show any appreciation when someone does you kindness as it
shows weakness.  Instead, look down on this kind person who has shown
himself to be a fool.

20.  Don't trust what anybody has to say: even if they are telling the
truth, they are probably wrong.

21.  Even though you are probably a moron yourself and probably wrong
more than half the time yourself, you should always insist you are
right.  To do otherwise, to show even the slightest hint of doubt,
would be considered a sign of weakness.

22.  No man lives forever: it is enough for a man to outlive his
enemies.

23.  If your son is an ass and your daughter is a whore, be grateful
that at least one of them is making a living.

24.  No pain, no gain, so your torture victims should not forget to
thank you.

25.  If the number of morons around you were reduced by half then
suddenly you wouldn't seem so smart.

26.  People are usually lying to you and want to deceive you.  The
only exception is when people want you to think they are lying but
they are really telling the truth to deceive you.

27.  If you are destined to have something then just take it and gut
the fool who would stand in your way.

28.  Gardens are for wusses.

29.  A miss is as good as a mile so you should always hit your enemy
right between the eyes.

30.  A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Alternatively, you can ride a horse instead.

31.   Don't think before acting.  Thinking is for wusses.

32.  Don't have anybody do for you what you can do for yourself.
They'll just screw it up.

33.  Don't cry over split blood.

34.  Giving yourself a beer will make you feel better for an hour.
Giving your enemy a beer laced with poison will make you feel better
for a lifetime.

35.  Water will flow uphill before a complete and utter moron will
ever get a clue.

36.  You can lead a kitten to water but he won't drown unless you hold
its head down.

37.  If the grass is greener on the other side then tell your family
to stop peeing on the lawn.

38.  A beautiful woman is like a strong horse: everyone wants to ride
her.

39.  A man who saved up for the future but had everything stolen is a
fool.  Live for today and don't worry about tomorrow.

40.  When an official is honest, his clerks are thin.  When an
official is wicked, his clerks are fat.  Obviously then it is better
to be wicked and eat well than be an honest wimp.

41.  If you're drunk your wife will still nag you but it's okay
because you won't be able to understand what she's saying.

42.  If you plant seeds in the ground then you'll get crops and if you
plant a knife in your enemy's back then you'll have a dead enemy.

43.  Early to bed and early to rise and you'll be the one cleaning up
after last night's party.

44.  Be neither a borrower nor lender be: just take what you want.

45.  Do what your boss asks you with neither a complaint nor a smart
remark and you'll forever be his lackey.

46.  Laugh at the aged and maybe, just maybe, you'll stay forever
young yourself.

47.  What is true is less important than what you can make people
believe.

48.  You can see for miles when you stand on the backs of your
vanquished enemies.

49.  Vice is the greatest happiness; virtue is for wimps.

50.  Cover up people's merits and publicize their shortcomings.  Screw
them all.

51.  Honor thy father and mother.  Not.

52.  Read these proverbs once.  Twice at most.  Studying is for wimps.

Martin