Superfreaks/ACRA: Superfreaks Season 3 #6

Martin Phipps martinphipps2 at
Mon Nov 5 13:18:06 PST 2007

Michael King, Lana Lewis and Frank Lopez: crime scene 
investigators.  John Phelps, Mark Johnston and Tom 
Jackson: police officers.  Jack Greenspan and Edward 
Bailey: medical examiners.  Alan Russell and Roger 
Roeper: lawyers.  These men and women are truly our 
last line of defense.  But what about the capes whose
cases they have to investigate?  Should they be
considered a help or a hindrance? 

                 SUPERFREAKS SEASON 3 #5 

                    "MORTAL DINGBAT"

                         PART I 
1:15 am

  "Thanks for a wonderful evening."
  Mr. G smiled at her.  "It doesn't have to end, you
  She laughed.  "I'm afraid it does.  I'm not that
kind of girl."
  "Every girl is that kind of girl when they've found
the right man."
  "Hey yo, Mr. G!"
  Mr. G turned to see who had interupted him just when
he was about to get some.  "Yeah, what is it?"
  "Hey, is that how you talk to your fan?"
  "I see," Mr. G said.  "So is it an autograph that
you want?"
  "Hey, Mr. G, are you down with the hommies?"
  "Excuse me?"
  "Are you still a brotha?"
  "Yes," Mr. G said, "I am."
  "You don't sound like no brotha to me."
  "Oh, yes, I see," Mr G said.  "Well, I'm sorry.  I
guess I've been hangin' out with the man so much that
I guess I just get used to talkin' this way so they'd
understand me.  Dig?"
  "No, I don't dig!" the fan complained.  "You're a
  "Excuse me?"
  "You're a phony!  You're the token black man in the
Extreme Force Six --"
  "We're seven now."
  "Hey, man, whatever!  The fact is that you're just
black on the outside.  You're not black on the inside.
 Inside you're just one of them."
  "Excuse me?"
  "You heard me."
  Mr. G laughed.  "Now, look, I don't want any
  "That's right!" the fan said.  "You don't want any
trouble!  You're black on the outside, white on the
inside and you've got a big yellow streak going down
your back."
  "Oh really?"
  "Yeah!  Really!"
  "I went toe to toe with a bunch of Zon clones!"
  The fan laughed.  "You hear that!  The brother's
done fought clones!  You going to beat up my little
brother next, hero?"
  "You don't want to mess with me," Mr. G warned him.
  "Oh really?  Why's that?"
  "You know why."
  "Oh do I?  Well why don't you show me?"  The fan
assumed a fighting stance.
  "Don't do this."
  "Why?  Scared are you?"
  The fan attacked Mr. G and Mr. G did his best to
avoid his blows.
  "Hey, coward.  Why don't you fight me?  Are you too
chicken?  Maybe you should just run away."
  Mr. G only hit the fan with the back of his hand. 
He didn't think that would hurt him.  Of course, he
had no control over the way the fan hit the ground.
  "Oh my God, G, what have you done?"
  "I barely hit him," Mr. G said.
  "My God, G, I think he's dead."

8:59 am

  "Hey, everybody!" Naomi Chen, the receptionist at
Pepperton Police Precinct One announced.  "Look who's
  Detective Michael King turned to see who it was. 
"Mary!" he said.  "Good to see you!  How's the baby?"
  Detective Mary Bailey smiled back at him.  "Fine. 
He's with my mother.  I hated to leave him but I
figured it was time to get back to work."
  "I hope you don't mind working with me on a few
cases," Detective Lana King, Michael's wife told her.
  "Not at all," Mary said.  "It's good to have someone
to bouncce ideas off of."
  Lana smiled.  "Yes, well, it'll only be for about
half a year.  Then I'll have to take a leave as well."
  "You mean...?"
  Lana nodded.  "Yeah.  I'm pregnant."
  "Congratulations!  To both of you!"
  Just then Detective John Phelps walked in.  "I'm
sorry to be the one to ruin the mood but we've got
work to do.  We've got a DB."
  "A dead body?" Mary asked.  "I just got here!"
  "What happened?" Michael asked.
  "Apparently Mr. G had a run in with an overzealous
  "Oh my God!" Lana exclaimed.  "Mr. G is dead?"
  "No," John explained, "Mr. G killed him."

9:05 am

  "Is this the headquarters of the Legion of Extreme
  "So you are a Legionaire?"
  The man behind the desk shook his head.  "No, I'm
just the receptionist.  I'm Frank.  And you are?"
  "Xia Qi, Master of Martial Arts."
  "I see."
  "I'm here to join the Legion."
  "I'm sure."  Frank rolled his eyes.  "The Master
Ninja will be in later.  In the meantime, could you
fill in this application?"
  Xiaqi sighed.  "Perhaps you can help me.  English is
my second language after all."
  "Fair enough.  Name?"
  "Hu Xiaqi."
  "How do you spell that?"
  "H-U X-I-A Q-I."
  For a moment there Frank considered asking Xiaqi to
spell his name again but then decided, "Look, why
don't you just fill it in yourself.  There's a table
and chair over there.  See?"
  "Fair enough."

9:35 am

  "It was an accident."
  Detective Phelps regarded Mr. G with an
unsympathetic gaze.  "Your fist accidentally collided
with his face.  Is that what you are telling me?"
  Mr. G sighed.  "I want a lawyer."
  John nodded.  "Fair enough.  Do you have counsel you
wish to contact or will be public defender do?"
  "The public defender will be fine," Mr. G said. 
"After all, I _am_ innocent."

10:01 am

  "I've heard of you," the Master Ninja told Xiaqi.
  "I'm honoured," Xiaqi told him.
  "I heard how Lee Bagui kicked your ass."
  "He caught me off guard," Xiaqi admitted.
  The Master Ninja sneered at him.  "You know, most
people here are grandfathered.  You know what that
  "Their parents have parents?" Xiaqi guessed.
  "No.  It means that if they were to come today and
ask to join I would turn them down.  Do you know why?"
  "Because you're a mean S.O.B.?" Xiaqi guessed.
  "Correct," the Master Ninja admitted, "but
ultimately I'd be doing them a favour by not putting
them in the line of fire.  You see, if the Extreme
Force Six--"
  "Seven.  If _they_ can't handle a menace then it
falls to us.  And we don't need anybody who gets
caught off guard."
  Xiaqi laughed.
  "What's so funny?"
  "Aren't you even going to try me out?"
  "What do you suggest?"
  "You and me.  One on one."
  "Are you insane?  I'd pulverize you."
  "Or maybe you're just afraid of losing."
  The Master Ninja raised his eyebrows.  Of course,
nobody could see this because his face was covered by
his ninja mask.  "The exercise room.  Ten minutes."

10:34 am

  "Good morning, Mr. Granger."
  "Good morning."
  "I'm Roger Roeper.  I'll be your lawyer."
  "Now, as I understand, you've already admitted to
hitting Mr. Peter Williams.  Is that correct?"
  "That's right."
  Roger sighed.  "That's not good.  You see, you are
an augmented human, a member of the Extreme Force
  "Seven.  You're not supposed to be hitting
  "I was provoked."
  "I'm sure you were.  But given that you are
accustomed to fighting otherworldly foes, I doubt if
you're going to be able to claim self defense."
  Mr. G sighed.  "Look, I'm basically just the token
black guy in the group.  Really.  I'm no Extreme."
  "I'm not saying you are Extreme.  If Extreme had
punched him his head probably would have came right
  Mr. G grimaced.  "See, that's just it.  It wasn't so
much me hitting him so much as him hitting the ground
that killed him."
  "I see."  His lawyer sighed.  "It wasn't the
shooter, it was the bullet.  It wasn't the attacker,
it was the knife."
  Mr. G's mouth dropped.  "Hey!  Who's side are you on
  "I'm just trying to describe to you how the
prosecution will try to twist everything you say." 
Roger grimaced.  "Tell you what: I'm going to insist
on an autopsy.  If cause of death is blunt force
trauma consistant with the victim's head hitting the
ground then I'll put the medical exmainer on the
  Mr. G nodded.  "Yeah!  That's good!  There was also
a witness."
  "Yeah.  Some girl I met just last week.  Name was
Lindsay Ritchie.  She saw the whole thing."
  "Alright then," Roger said, "it looks like we have a
basis for a defense after all."
  Mr. G breathed a sigh of relief.


  The fight between the Master Ninja and Xiaqi, Master
of Martial Arts, had gone on for more than an hour. 
Both combatents were tired.  Xiaqi was visibly
bleeding from his mouth.  The Master Ninja was
probably bleeding too but nobody could tell becasue he
was in full ninja gear.  He was, however, staggering a
  "Surrender!" Xiaqi demanded.
  "Never!" the Master Ninja told him.
  "Are you insane?  We could go on like this for
  "Indeed," the Master Ninja said.  "And what a
glorious battle it would be!  Why?  Do you want to
  "I will never quit!" Xiaqi told him.
  "Fine," the Master Ninja told him.  "That's all I
needed to hear."
  "You mean?"
  "Yeah.  You're in."
  "So then this fight is over?"
  The Master Ninja shrugged his shoulders.  "Sure. 
Fine.  I have to go pee anyway."
  They shook hands.

                       PART II

10:02 (two weeks later)

  "Please state your name for the record."
  "Lindsay Ritchie."
  "Do you solemnly swear to speak the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?"
  "I do."
  "You may sit down."
  Roger Roeper approached the witness.  "Miss Lindsay,
could you describe to us what happened on the night
Peter Williams was killed?"
  She nodded.  "Yes.  Sam and I had just been out on a
  "By Sam you mean Sam Granger a k a Mr. G?"
  "That's right."
  "Go on."
  "Sam and I had just been out on a date when Peter
Williams approached us."
  "What did he say?"
  "He said that Mr. G was a phony."
  "How did Mr G react?  Was he angry?"
  "No.  In fact he warned him off.  Told him he didn't
want to fight him."
  "I see.  And was Peter Williams scared off?"
  "No.  He started attacking him."
  "_He_ attacked the defendant."
  "That's right."
  "So the defendant was only defending himself."
  "That's right."
  "And then what happened?"
  "I think Sam just pushed him away.  But then his
head hit the ground.  There was some blood."  Her eyes
welled with tears.
  "That's alright, Miss Ritchie.  Take your time."
  "No, it's alright.  I called 911 on my cell phone. 
But they pronounced him dead at the scene."
  "I see."  He sighed.  "No further questions, your
honour."  He went back to his seat and sat down.

  Judge Kevin Matthews spoke.  "Your witness, Mr.
  Alan Russell approached the witness desk.  "You say
he warned the victim off?"
  "Warned or threatened?"
  "What exactly did he say."
  "Objection, your honour!" Roger Roeper said.  "The
witness can not be expected to give an exact quote of
what the defendent said two weeks ago."
  "Sustained," the judge said.
  "I'll rephrase my question then," Alan said.  "What
was the nature of the warning?"
  Lindsay thought for a moment.  "He told him he had
fought Zon clones."
  "I see.  Meaning what?"
  "Objection your honour!" Roger Roeper said.  "Calls
for speculation from the witness."
  "Your honour," Alan Russell quickly said.  "The
witness voluntarily told us that the defendant had
warned the victim.  I just wanted to know what the
warning was about."
  Judge Matthews nodded.  "Objection overruled.  The
prosecution is allowed to ask the witness to clarify
her earlier testimony.  You may answer the question,
Miss Ritchie."
  Lindsay though for a moment.  "He was telling him
that he could get killed."
  "I see," Alan Russell said.  "So Sam Granger engaged
in a fight with Peter Williams knowing full well that
Peter Williams could get killed."
  "Yes," Lindsay admitted.
  "No further questions your honour."
  Judge Matthews told Lindsay she could step down.

  Mr. G whispered to his lawyer.  "This isn't going
  "There's still your testimony," Roger pointed out.
  "I want to change my plea.  I want to plead guilty
to manslaughter."
  "The charge is murder in the second degree."
  "Get the DA to change the charge to manslaughter."
  "Why?  We can still win this."
  Mr. G sighed.  "I don't want to take the chance of
being branded a murderer.  I don't mind going to jail
for a couple of years.  I just don't want to
disappoint my fans."
  Roger sighed.  "Alright."  He stood up.  "Your
honour, the defense requests a short recess."
  Judge Matthews struck his gavel on the bench. 
"Granted," he said.  "The trial will resume in ten

  Shortly after the judge had declared a recess, Alan
Russell stepped out of the court.  Roger Roeper
followed him out.
  "Alan?" he said.
  "Yes, Roger?"
  "My client wants to change his plea."
  "He wants to plead guilty?"
  "To manslaughter."
  "The charge is second degree murder, Roger."
  "He never intended to kill that man, Alan."
  Alan raised his eyebrows.  "Miss Ritchie just
admitted that he threatened to kill him.  You know
that.  That's why you're here now making an offer."
  "Then I'll speak to the judge.  I want the jury to
have the option to choose the lesser charge of
  Alan considered this.  "That only makes it that much
harder for you to win an acquital: if the jury is
split on whether to convict on second degree murder
then they will see manslaughter as a compromise."
  "It's the right thing to do, Alan.  Sam Granger is a
good man."
  Alan sighed.  "Roger, do you know why justice is
blind?  It's because justice doesn't care who you are:
it doesn't matter how decent you are, how rich you
are, how famous you are, how powerful you are, how
smart you are or what special abilities you have, all
that matters is what you did."
  Roger nodded.  "Okay, fine.  So justice doesn't
care.  But what about you?"
  Alan laughed.  "Roger, do you think all the men and
women I've convicted were people I personally
disliked?  My feelings don't come into it.  How about
you?  Did you think that every person you ever
defended was innocent?  Or were you just doing your
  "No," Roger admitted, "they weren't all innocent. 
But this one is."
  Alan nodded.  "Alright.  Fair enough.  We'll go to
the judge together and tell them that we both want
manslaughter on the table."

4:45 pm

  "Has the jury reached a verdict?" Judge Matthews
  "We have, your honour."
  "Please hand the verdict to the bailiff."  The jury
foreman handed the verdict to the bailiff and the
bailiff handed the verdict to the judge.  "Is this
verdict unanimous?"
  "It is, your honour."
  "Will the defendant please rise?"
  Sam Granger a k a Mr. G stood up.
  "Please read the verdict out to the court."
  "On the charge of second degree murder, we find the
defendant... not guilty.  On the charge of
manslaughter, we find the defendant... guilty."
  Sam Granger nodded sadly.
  Judge Matthews nodded.  "Mr. Sam Granger..."
  "Yes, your honour?"
  "I hereby sentence you to two years in the state
prison with possibility of perole no earlier than six
months from now.  Case dismissed."

                       PART III

10:30 am

  "Explain to me again why we're here."
  The Master Ninja sighed.  "You've heard of the
Minnesoda Eagles?"
  "No," Xiaqi told him, "I don't follow baseball."
  "It's a football team, dumb@$$!" Gun Guy informed
  "Anyway, their quarterback, a Mr. Matthew Dick, got
arrested recently for an illegal dogfighting ring."
  "Yeah," Gun Guy said.  "Seems he was pumping them
full of steroids or something to make 'em stronger."
  "But how does that explain why we're here?"
  "I'm getting to that," the Master Ninja told him. 
"Anyway, this is one of the sites where he is reported
to have held some of his illegal fights.  I thought
we'd stop by to see if some dogs were being housed
here.  If so, we'll contact the appropriate
  "So what's with the guns and katana blade?" Xiaqi
asked.  "Are you expecting any trouble?"
  "Always," the Master Ninja told him.  "It's best to
be prepared."
  Suddenly, they heard the sound of distant barking.
  "This way," the ninja said.
  The barking was getting closer.
  "Hey!" Gun Guy said.  "Who let the dogs out?"
  "What?" Hu Xiaqi asked.  "I didn't let any dogs
  "That's not what he meant," the Master Ninja tried
to explain.
  Just then, three dogs appeared in the field in front
of them.
  "Those dogs are pretty big," Xiaqi observed.
  "And they're green," Gun Guy added.
  "Oh no," the Master Ninja said, "I was afraid of
this: they've been gamma irradiated."
  "Gamma irradiated?" Gun Guy asked.
  "What does that mean?" Xiaqi asked.
  "You mean like those dogs in that Ang Lee movie?"
Gun Guy asked.
  "I'm afraid so," the Master Ninja said.  "These dogs
will be super strong and very, very angry.  We're
going to have to kill them to save ourselves."
  "Can do!" Gun Guy said as he cocked his weapons.
  "There are three of them and three of us so I
suggest each of us focus on the one closest."
  "Right."  Gun Guy opened fire at the dog that was
coming for him.  It took several shots to fell the
beast.  "That's one!" he said as he reloaded his guns.
  The Master Ninja waited until the second dog was
right on top of him.  Then he severed his head with
his katana blade.  "Kaiii!" the ninja said as the head
was removed.
  Xiaqi was weaponless: all he had were his bare hands
and shoed feet.  He decided kicking was his best
option: as the dog approached, he spun in the air and
landed a devastating blow to the third dog.  Xiaqi
made a perfect landing only to find the dog unfazed.
  "Um," he said, "a little help here!"
  The Master Ninja's blade struck the dog just before
he would have bitten off Xiaqi's head.  Xiaqi managed
to dodge the assortment of dog parts that flew by his
head and torso.
  Gun Guy laughed.  "Your kung fu wasn't much help
against that dog!" he said.
  "Oh really?" Xiaqi asked.  "And I suppose you would
have been able to do something against them without
your guns?"
  "Nope," Gun Guy admitted.  "And that's why I carry
them.  Perhaps you should consider packing some heat."
  "I would if, like you, I felt the need to carry big
guns to make up for the little one between my legs!"
  "Ha!" Gun Guy said.  "Want to see my dick before you
boldly presume who's got the bigger one?"
  "Enough!" the Master Ninja said.  "Gun Guy is
  "About what?" Xiaqi asked.  "About us needing to see
his dick?"
  "No," the Master Ninja said, "about you needing a
weapon."  He sighed.  "We'll talk more about this when
we get back to HQ.  In the meantime, be quiet!"
  Gun Guy, the Master Ninja and Xiaqi made their way
back to the Legion Jet.  The pilot gave the ninja a 
thumbs up.
  "We're A-OK and ready to fly!" he announced.  "Where
do you want to go?"
  "Back to HQ," the ninja told him.
  "ARe you sure?" the pilot asked.  "I could park this
thing anywhere."
  "I just want to go home."

1:01 pm
  "Did you eat well?" the Master Ninja asked.
  "Yeah, sure," Xiaqi said, "I had some instant
noodles."  He sighed.  "So what's this all about you
inviting me to your office and all?"
  The Master Ninja was smiling under his mask.  "After
I moved in here, I had all my stuff brought over from
Japan.  Here.  Do you know what these are?"
  Xiaqi laughed.  "Yeah.  They're nunchucks."
  "They are very special nunchucks," he said as he
handed them to Xiaqi, "made of davidbowium."
  "The same stuff that Weapon Alpha's claws are made
  "They don't feel heavy."
  "Of course," the Master Ninja told him.  "That is
the magic of davidbowium: it is strong and durable
without being heavy."
  "Okay," he said, "so they must be really expensive."
  The Master Ninja pointed to a practice dummy he had
set up in his office.  "Here.  Try them on this.  Hit
your opponent in the head."
  "Okay."  Xiaqi swung the nunchucks just as he had
been trained to do back in China.  The dummy's head
came cleanly off.  "Oops.  Sorry."
  "Don't apologize.  I expected that to happen.  You
are very skilled with the nunchucks!"
  "Too skilled," Xiaqi said.  "If that had been a
human opponent I would have killed him!"
  "Indeed," the Master Ninja said.  "But they will
come in handy the next time you face gamma irradiated
attack dogs!"
  "I guess so."  Xiaqi grimaced.  "It's just... it
reminds me of what happened to Mr. G."
  "The member of Extreme Force Seven?"
  "Former member," Xiaqi corrected.  "He had to quit
the team now that he's in prison.  So Iguess they're
back to being the Extreme Force Six again."  Xiaqi
cringed.  "What happened to him could have happened to
any of us."
  "Indeed," the Master Ninja said, "which is precisely
why it was the best possible verdict."
  "How so?"
  "Because heroes don't kill," the Master Ninja told
him, "not even accidently.  Heroes save lives.  They
don't take lives."
  "Oh really?" Xiaqi asked with a hint of sarcasm. 
"So what are your katanas for?"
  The Master Ninja shrugged his shoulders.  "So I
guess I'm a pretty lousy hero.  The fact remains that
if I were to take a life and have it not be in self
defense or to save another then I would deserve to be
punished.  What happened to Mr. G reminds us all that
heroes do not get special treatment.  Nor should we. 
The system exists to keep us honest.  Just like
everybody else."
  "I guess so," Xiaqi said.  "Still, I can't help
feeling sorry for the guy."
  "I don't," the Master Ninja said.  "I admire him. 
He did the honourable thing, going to prison without a
  The ninja laughed.  "You fight authority when you
are right and authority is wrong but in this case the
authorities were right: he was responsible for the
death of an innocent and had to be punished, whether
he actually deserved it or not."
  "I guess so."
  The Master Ninja placed a hand on his protege's
shoulder.  "Not that I wouldn't have clobbered the guy
myself: nobody calls me and coward and walks away."
  Xiaqi got a good laugh out of that.

                        THE END

Bonus feature:
Rejected title gallery: "Hu Let the Dogs Out (Hu Hu Hu


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