BP/LNH: Kid Kid #1

Tim Munn drtimphd at gmail.com
Tue Jul 3 12:44:33 PDT 2007

Boring Publications Present...

A Legion of Net.Heroes Tale...

Amazing Kid Kid #1

By Tim Munn

	What just happened back there?, thought a perplexed Kid Kid.  He
didn't understand any of it.  Right now he should be sitting in
Net.Tropolis lock-up.  However, he could not get over just how
delightfully evil his escape from those two Legion members was.
Ultimate Ninja got an atomic wedgie while a nut-shot straight was
delivered to Boring Man.  Still, he couldn't think of any possible
reason as to why the heroes reaction speed was so out of whack.
Ultimate Ninja should have been on him like butter on toast!!
	He was left there in that back alleyway to count his blessings and
catch his breath.  His escape wasn't complete yet, as the Legion was
probably forming a search party.  He ducked inside a nearby doorway.
Beyond was a fifties-themed diner.  Kid Kid lurched to an empty back
corner table to avoid attention.  He noticed that the patrons'
attention was on a television perched above the kitchen entrance.
	"Pete Hayes, ace reporter for channel thirty-six news with an
important news bulletin.  The Legion of Net.Heroes came under direct
attack from an unidentified villain earlier today."  He put a finger
to his ear and looked dramatically serious for the camera.  "I'm being
told we have exclusive footage from the incident.  Be forewarned this
is amateur video and contains scenes of a graphic nature."
	The patrons of the diner sat silently as the screen briefly went to
color bars.  A grainy image appeared, the façade of LNHQ.  A group of
LNH'ers led by Ultimate Ninja were crowded around a boy.  The video
goes back to color bars for a brief second, then as if in slow motion,
the boy proceeds to wedgie Ultimate Ninja then move on to Boring Man.
	"Bob, can you take it back to Ultimate Ninja and loop it?"  The feed
was stopped and rewound.  This time, the clip was played in slow
motion, making those events go by even more painfully slower.
	"A horrifying image.  You can see Ultimate Ninja's head here go back
and to the left," Pete said, as the footage restarted.  The uproar
that went through the crowd was deafening.  Several parents covered
their children's eyes.  Several more elderly people looked ready to
	"Back and to the left," he repeated.  The people gasped in horror;
their children squirming for a peep; their elderly at the breaking
	"Back and to the left."  Some called for the boys' head; the children
made hurling noises and the elderly, well, they were beyond help at
that point.
	"A horrendous attack on the Net.Heroes.  Rather fortunately, Mr.
Ninja was wearing clean underpants at the time of the attack.
Hopefully Mother Ninja was not watching this broadcast.  Please, stay
with us as we continue to break news on this horrible attack."
	Kid Kid slouched deeper down into the seat.  A waitress came to his
table and smiled.  She went white in the face, stomped a foot and
pointed.  She proceeded to stomp her foot repeatedly.  Soon she was
going to attract attention.  It really would be his head if these
people got hold of him.
	"Please, this is all just a misunderstanding.  I'm not a villain,
honest," he whispered, standing from his seat.  She made an odd look
and began to scream at the top of her lungs.  He froze as everyone
still conscious and mostly so looked to him.  Many looked back to the
television which had his grainy image on a loop now, then back to the
kid.  Most looked stupefied, while a few were turning gears.  Only the
waitress had known who he was.  No sudden movements, he thought, you
don't want to alert the pack.
	"A semi-conscious elderly man stood, pointing to the kid.  "You're
that punk kid from the satan-box!"  He said.  Lights flashed on in
that diner as another uproar filled the space.
	Kid Kid bolted to the front exit.  Several grasps by onlookers were
narrowly avoided as he ran down the street.  The unruly mob was
growing more and more the further the foot chase was continued.  What
he desperately want at that moment was longer legs.  What he didn't
need was a sucker punch to the gut.  He looked to the culprit.  A
	"Don't you folks worry yourselves," he said to the mob, "Kid Kid is
gonna whoop this villain!!"

Copyright 6/25/2007 3:33 a.m. by Tim Munn


Ultimate Ninja created by wReam
Boring Man created by Tim Munn
Kid Kid (Kid) created by Tim Munn
Pete Hayes created by Tim Munn
Kid Kid (Goat) created by Lalo Martins and Tim Munn

Author's note:
I couldn't find the original Kid Kid #1, which must be in storage
yet.  I wrote this pretty quickly, in an hour and a half.  I was
originally going to write Bob and Charlie #4 (and did get a good
opening line) when this wanted out.  Special thanks go to everyone on
the LNH Author's group and everyone who subscribes to and reads RACC
in general.

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