BP/LNH: I Can't Believe It's Not No-Point Lad and Dismal-Hope Kid #7 Special

[Tim Munn]

Boring Publications Presents...


An LNH Tale...


I Can't Believe It's Not No-Point Lad & Dismal-Hope Kid #7 Special


By Tim Munn


        "You're not making any sense!  There's no point in listening
to you
anymore!" No-Point Lad said.  He'd just been told by Dismal-Hope Kid
of some adventure he'd been on.  Dismal-Hope Kid really wasn't making
sense, between talking a million miles a minute and incoherent
babble;
he didn't make an effort to understand.
        "I'm going for a walk around the block.  In the meantime, why
don't
you stop hopping like an overly excitable school girl and find your
point.  Find it and stick to it.  I'll be back," No-Point Lad said,
walking out of the LNHQ Lobby.
        The walk itself was normal, however upon arrival back at HQ,
there
was a commotion outside.  There was a growing crowd gathered around
who knows what-- No-Point Lad was the last to get there, deciding on
the fact that whatever happened was in the process of being cleaned
up.  He started towards the front entrance when a kid ran headlong
into him, knocking them both down.
        "Why don't you watch where you're walking?!" the kid growled,
quickly
looking over his shoulder towards the crowd.  He started to shuffle
away, again looking over his shoulder.  But that other shoulder was
grabbed by No-Point Lad.
        "There's no point in leaving before you apologize," No-Point
Lad
said, using a tone and putting on a look his parents would have been
proud of.  The kid tried to pull away, looking at the crowd several
more times.  He whined a bit and finally relented.
        "Ok, ok!  Gosh!!  I'm sorry!  Can I go now?"
        "No.  That's not going to do.  Say it like you mean it."
        The kid looked over his shoulder, then back again.  He looked
desperately to No-Point Lad.  "I'm sorry," he whined, managing to
well
up a few more tears, "I'll be more careful of where I walk.  I'll pay
attention!  Can I go /now/?"
        No-Point Lad considered it a moment, letting the kid go.
"That'll
do.  But you better believe it when I say I'm watching you.  I'm
locked in to your energy and will be monitoring you until this time
tomorrow.  Just be mindful of your actions until then.  Now go home,"
he said to the kid, who ran off like a bolt of lightning.  He'd
gotten
through to the kid with the 'power monitoring' routine.  He didn't
have any such ability, nor any gadgetry to monitor such things.  He
laughed a little, as his attention was turned to the crowd.
        He wanted one final look at the crowd.  Hopefully he could get
a
glimpse of what the cause was.  Yup, he got a look at it all right.
It about made him sick.  It was a horrific looking cross between
human
and goat.  Apparently, it had vomited all over itself due to factors
of its own hideousness, and there simply being no point in a human/
goat hybrid horror.  He looked to the sky above, hoping beyond hope
to
catch a glimpse of the writer.  Oh, the crazy and pointless things
you
will write, thought No-Point Lad as he entered LNHQ.  There, to greet
him was the LNH's newest goody: a news ticker which wrapped around
the
lobby.  It proclaimed today the three hundred sixty-fifth day of
April.  He continued on briefly, but stopped dead in his tracks.
Wait
a minute!  What's the point in having so many days in April?!  Three
hundred sixty-four he could see, but three hundred sixty-five?  There
was no point to it.
        "No point to it!!" he screamed, drawing several odd looks.
Just
then, a tap on his shoulder.
        "You look famished.  Here, have some fresh cheesecake,"
Cheesecake
Eater Lad said, offering a slice.  No-Point Lad looked at the
cheesecake in astonishment.  He did a double take, then two.
        "Cheesecake?" No-Point Lad finally asked.
        "Cheesecake," Cheesecake Eater Lad responded.
        "Really?"
        "Yes.  One hundred percent pure and natural tastiness,"
Cheesecake
Eater Lad happily replied.
        No-Point Lad looked unimpressed, swatting the plate of
cheesecake to
the floor.  "CHEESE?!" he screamed.  "CAKE?!  The two together are
unnatural!  There's no point to /cheesecake/!  NONE!!"
        "But I have a song," Cheesecake Eater Lad sniveled.  "It's
going to
be a huge hit!"  He cleared his throat and began his routine.
(The only part I didn't write, the Cheesecake Theme Song.  It should
be sung to the tune of the Slinky Theme Song.)
        "Bah!!  Your song about cheesecake has even less of a point
than
cheese and cake mingled together!  ECH!!" No-Point Lad shivered,
stomping off to Dismal-Hope Kid's quarters.  Out of the frying pan
and
into the fire.


        Cheesecake Eater Lad stood there, shattered as a maker of
cheesecake
and cheesecake-related song.
        "Who doesn't like cheesecake?!" he asked to no one in
particular.
That 'no one in particular' was Carl, a crotchety old man who carried
a broom and dust pan.
        "I don't like cheesecake," Carl said.  "It gives me bad gas!"
He
swept the mess on the floor with two swipes of the broom.  He took a
rag from his back pocket and applied it to the face of Cheesecake
Eater Lad.  "Prunes.  Now there's something I could get into.  Keeps
me regular.  Maybe, you know, you could change what you've got going
on here," Carl said, placing the rag back into its place.  Cheesecake
Eater Lad looked confused as Carl continued.  "Now, I'm no expert at
these super-hero shenanigans you folks are up to, but imagine just a
spell: Prune Eater Lad!"
        Cheesecake Eater Lad looked horrified at Carl's suggestion.
Oh no!
Where was No-Point Lad when you needed him?!  There!  Riding up the
elevator!  Cheesecake Eater Lad rushed up the stairwell, where he met
No-Point Lad.  No-Point Lad began to run away, immediately being
chased by Cheesecake Eater Lad, who himself was chased by Carl the
custodian.
        At the end of this hallway is freedom!, thought No-Point Lad.
        There's still a little time left to catch No-Point Lad,
Cheesecake
Eater Lad huffed.
        Prunes!, I could use 'em now!, Carl grimaced.
        As if by a miracle from the writer, Dismal-Hope Kid opened his
door.
He looked surprised to see No-Point Lad being chased down by
Cheesecake Eater Lad and some old guy.  Hmm...
        "Move!!" No-Point Lad yelled.  Dismal-Hope Kid quickly did as
told
when No-Point Lad came barreling through.  He slammed the door shut
behind them to a loud thud and cry.  Over those horrible sounding
cries, he thought he heard the word 'prunes' several times.
        "Please!  Let me in!" Cheesecake Eater Lad begged.
        "By golly!!" Carl said, pumping a fist through the air.
"Nora's
going to be mighty angry when she sees what I've done to my last good
pair of underpants!"


        Soon after Cheesecake Eater Lad's terror-filled screams
subsided, No-
Point Lad asked Dismal-Hope Kid a question.
        "Have you found anything with a point?"
        "I heard about a video that will suck you into a different
dimension
if you watch it three times."
        No-Point Lad smiled a nasty smile.  "Want to watch it?"
        "Oh heck ya!" Dismal-Hope Kid yelled.
        "Let's do it!"

---------------------------------------------------------------

Yup, it's not #7 like I planned.  I went to rewrite the thing when
another, more grand idea popped into my head.  Why?  I don't know, but
I like /that/ better than this.  I decided this version of Number
Seven was too good not to post, just now getting around to posting
it.  So, I hope you, the RACC Reader enjoy!

Copyright 2007 Tim Munn