LNH: LNH Comics Presents... #62: INFINITE LEADERSHIP CRISIS #27

Tarq mitchell_crouch at caladrius.com.au
Fri Apr 27 16:39:59 PDT 2007


     Bad-Timing Boy crawled through the ducts as quickly as he could.
He'd been having fun in the ventilation shafts until he looked at his
watch and realised that he would miss the daily ritual of picking a
leader.
     "Because, you see," grunted a voice from just ahead of him,
"every other leader that the LNH has had since the Ultimate Ninja went
away on vacation on March 31st has disappeared without a trace at
midnight. So now Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad has been appointed leader-
picker, and is just about to announce who today's leader shall be."
     "...Kid Recap?! What are you doing here?"
     "Oh, not much. I'm going now anyway. See you tomorrow maybe. If
Saxon decides to write me in. Later." And with that, there was a loud
clatter, and a beam of light shot up from the bottom of the shaft. Kid
Recap's features were briefly illuminated before he skilfully slid
down it the open grate.
     From the room below, Bad-Timing Boy could hear the crowd of
LNHers quieten as Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad gained their full
attention.
     ( Well, )Oo. he thought, .oO( Here goes nothing! )
     Attempting to mimic Kid Recap's exit, he stuck his legs through
the hole and prepared himself for launch. Unfortunately, he muddled up
the pushing-himself-off-with-his-arms and bending-his-body-slightly-so-
as-to-not-break-his-back, thuswise smashing his face into the grate
and sending him crashing down uncontrollably, just as Pulls-Paper-Out-
Of-Hats Lad put his hand in his hat and said, "Today's leader is-"
     Unfortunately, he was then cut off by Bad-Timing Boy landing on
his head. The hat flew up, and small pieces of paper with various
Legionnaires names on them scattered everywhere. Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-
Hats Lad himself was in a very uncomfortable position, with one arm
sticking up past Bad-Timing Boy's face. One lone piece of paper
flittered down into the palm of PPOOH Lad's four-fingered two-thumbed
hand. All eyes turned to Bad-Timing Boy expectantly.
     Realising what everyone expected him to do, he cleared his
throat, picked up the slip of paper, and looked at it.
     All colour -- 'color', right, sorry -- drained from his face, and
the Legionnaires gave each other confused looks. Bad-Timing Boy, on
the other hand, said something that sounded oddly like "Aaaw, nerts..."
before fainting, and the slip of paper floated once more into Pulls-
Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad's painfully angled hand.
     After a moment of letting him whimper agonisingly, Dr. Bad-
Bedside-Manner sighed, went over to PPOOHLad, and dragged him away. As
he dragged him through the crowd, Bizarre Boy leant forward and lifted
the piece of paper out of his hand. Reading it out so everyone present
could hear, he announced, "Bad-Timing Boy!"
     There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, before Innovative-
Offence Boy spoke up. "Oh, @#$%!!"

               *~_/|\_/= ILC : BTB =\_/|\_~*

LNH COMICS PRESENTS #62
INFINITE LEADERSHIP CRISIS
Day 27: Bad-Timing Boy
by Mitchell 'Tarq' Crouch

               *~_/|\_/= ILC : BTB =\_/|\_~*

     "...an' I dunno, you should probably have some sleep or something,"
shrugged Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner. "I mean, Hell, you're a net.hero.
You'll be fine by tomorrow, right?"
     Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad, who had been dumped on a bed and had
a pre-used bandaid slapped onto his reflex-angle elbow, whimpered.
     "Yeah. Cool. So... go to sleep. Get some rest. That kinda stuff.
Here, have some of this random drug, which I'm sure will put you to
sleep one way or another. Later." The good doctor injected a foul-
smelling purple serum into PPOOHLad, got up to leave, and had just
reached for the door handle when-
     WHACK!!
     Bad-Timing Boy rushed in, unknowingly smashing the door into Dr.
Bad-Bedside-Manner's face. "Oh my gosh, Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad,
I'm so sorry!" he cried, jumping on the nearly-asleep Legionnaire,
hugging him and shaking him. "I'm sorry! Forgive me!"
     "Mmrfrm..."
     "Hello? Hello?" Bad-Timing Boy slapped the groggy hero on the
check a couple of times. "Oh god! He's dead! I killed him! I can't
believe I killed him! I-"
     Bad-Timing Boy was effectively shut up by Dr. Bad-Bedside Manner
hitting him roughly on the back of the head. "He's asleep. Now shaddup
and leave before I smack you a second time. Harder."
     "Oh." BTB looked from Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner to Pulls-Paper-Out-
Of-Hats Lad and back again a couple of time. "Oh, right. Sorry. My
bad."
     He left the ward, and had the door slammed shut after him.
     Dragging his feet along the corridor, he paused at the corner and
muttered to himself, "Wait a second. I thought _I_ was supposed to be
the leader of the LNH!" He sighed miserably. "If only I'd remembered
that two minutes ago..."

               *~_/|\_/= ILC : BTB =\_/|\_~*

     As he strolled through the LNHHQ later that day, Bad-Timing Boy
heard a strange sound coming from Elvis Man's room. It sure wasn't no
rock, nor was it roll. Therefore, Bad-Timing Boy concluded, it was
also not rock and roll. He listened a bit more before realising that
he knew the song. Knew it... and loved it!
     "Turn it up! Turn it up! Turn it upside down!" he sang as he
danced in, oblivious to Elvis Man's uncustomary black sequins and
tears rolling down his face. "Turn that beat around! Love to hear the
percussion! Turn it upside down! Love t-"
     "Bad-Timin' Boy!" Elvis Man screamed. "What do you think you're
doin'?!"
     "Dancing, duh!" came his automatic reply as he executed a
flawless worm. "I love Vicki Sue Robinson!"
     "Vicki Sue Robinson is dead, BTB. That's why I'm holding this
memorial service. She died on the 27th of April in 2000."
     "Yeah," replied Bad-Timing Boy distractedly as he continued to
groove to those disco beats. "Cool."
     Elvis Man sighed heavily, and wiped some tears from his eyes.
"Bad-Timing Boy, I'm holding a memorial to remember one of our great
country's _other_ great singers. It's a very solemn moment. Not a time
for dancing."
     "Oh." Bad-Timing Boy looked about him, really rather embarrassed.
"Sorry." Letting out a sigh of his own, he moonwalked back out through
the door.
     "Thank you," said Elvis Man as he sadly shut the door behind him.
"Thank you very much."

               *~_/|\_/= ILC : BTB =\_/|\_~*

     A bit after lunchtime, Bad-Timing Boy came into cafeteria just as
everyone else was leaving. "Hi, guys! What's on the menu today?"
     A disgruntled mumble was the only reply he got.
     "Hm." He went up to counter, and dinged the small rarely-used
bell a couple of times. "Hello? Cheesecake Eater Lad?"
     Instead, Steak-And-Potatoes Man popped up. "Uuh, son? Cheesecake
Eater Lad has been missing since April the fifth."
     "Oh. Really?"
     "Yeah."
     "But then... who's been making the cheesecake?"
     "We haven't been having cheesecake. We've been having steak,
potatoes, and other such wholesome Ame.rec.an food."
     "Oh." Bad-Timing Boy looked down. "So, what's for breakfast?"
     "Bad-Timing Boy, you just missed lunch."
     "But I haven't had breakfast yet!"
     "Cool. I'm just bumping off duty. See you at dinner!" And with
that, Steak-And-Potatoes Man exited the now-deserted cafeteria.

               *~_/|\_/= ILC : BTB =\_/|\_~*

     Bad-Timing Boy dawdled along the corridors of the LNHHQ. Today
seemed really boring. Where was everyone? Where had they all gone?
Normally he was bumping into people left, right and centre. Center.
Sorry.
     "Where is everyone?!" he screamed. The only reply was his own
echo. And some kiwis running past. Bothersome kiwis.
     Kid Recap poked his head out of a nearby door. "I already told
you! They've all been made leader of the LNH and disappeared!"
     "Oh, blimey. Really?"
     "Yes!"
     "So who's the leader now?"
     "You are!" Kid Recap sighed. "Bad-Timing Boy, you're not usually
this forgetful. I'm pretty sure you bumped your head when you feel out
of the ducts today."
     "What ducks?"
     Kid Recap sighed, and thought deeply to himself for a mo. "I'll
call Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner later. Right now I'm going to the movies
with Bizarre Boy and Nudist Man."
     "Nudist Man...?"
     Nudist Man stuck his head out just above Kid Recap's, in what I'm
sure you'll agree was a very comical style indeed. "That's me!"
     "Hrm. You're a 'Man'. That implies responsibility and basic life
skills. I don't suppose you could make me some breakfast?"
     An awkward silence descended. Kid Recap looked at Nudist Man.
Nudist Man looked at Kid Recap. Kid Recap looking at Bad-Timing Boy.
Bad-Timing Boy looked at Nudist Man. Nudist Man looked at Kid Recap.
Kid Recap looked at Bad-Timing Boy. Bad-Timing Boy looked at Kid
Recap. Nudist Man looked at Bizarre Boy, who decided to come out and
join in the fun. Bizarre Boy looked at Kid Recap. Kid Recap Looked at
Bad-Timing Boy. Bad-Timing Boy looked at Nudist Man. Nudist Man looked
at Bad-Timing Boy. Bad-Timing Boy's pants fell down.
     "Aaw..."

               *~_/|\_/= ILC : BTB =\_/|\_~*

     In the monitor room, Multi-Tasking Man, Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner,
Bad-Timing Boy, Kid Recap, Bizarre Boy, and Nudist Man sat watching
the earlier scene in which Bad-Timing Boy smashed his head on the
grate.
     "Yowch," stated Bizarre Boy. "That's some smack to the head."
     "Indeed," agreed Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner. "You should probably get
it looked at. Replay it, would you, Multi-Tasking Man?"
     MTM did as requested, and Dr. BBM snickered as he watched the
LNH's leader get served once again. "Ha ha! Whoo. So. Seems to me to
be pretty obvious that if a smack to the front of the head screws you
up so badly, a smack of equal or opposite force to the back of your
head should fix you up." Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner grabbed one of Multi-
Tasking Man's many keyboards, and began to swing it.
     Bad-Timing Boy turned around. "Doctor, what do you sugge-"
SMACK!!
     The Leader of the Legion of Net.Heroes collapsed to the ground,
his nose bleeding.
     There was a short silence before Kid Recap spoke up. "I so
totally had nothing to do with this." He then proceeded to bail,
followed closely by Bizarre Boy and Nudist Man.
     "Nudist Man, wait!" cried Multi-Tasking Man, grabbing the
uniquely-dressed Legionnaire whilst simultaneously playing Net.Trek,
flaming sixteen different newsgroups, and sorting through his porn
folder. "We may be able to use your unique blend of 'nudist' and 'man'
to awaken Bad-Timing Boy without having to smack him more or bothering
to get a glass -- or bucket -- of cold water."
     Nudist Man sighed, and knelt down next to the unfortunate LNHer.
Bad-Timing Boy came to just as he began to raise his leg, thuswise
exposing his really very already exposed anatomy. "Whew, don't worry
guys, I'm oka- OH MY GOD, what is THAT?!"
     He began coughing and spluttering, and Nudist Man was rushed out
of the room. "No need to thank me, guys," he called over his shoulder.
"I only missed the movie for you. No biggie." The door shut behind
him. "Jerks."

               *~_/|\_/= ILC : BTB =\_/|\_~*

     Bad-Timing Boy lay relatively alone in the ward. 'Relatively'
alone because Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner and Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad
were also there.
     "So, BTB," said Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad, "been enjoying your
time as leader?"
     "Not really," he moped. "I hospitalized you -"
     "It's okay, really, I'm practically better already."
     "-had some weird form of amnesia, and missed out on every meal of
the day. I didn't even get to do anything leader-ish at all." He
sighed miserably. "Why, of all days, did _today_ have to be the day I
didn't get to do anything fun?"
     Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad nodded. "Must have something to do
with your powers, I suppose. And the worst part is that you'll still
disappear at midnight."
     Bad-Timing Boy nodded miserably. "Yeah. I only have a few hours
left to enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!" He jumped out of
bed. "I'm not going to lay around and waste these few hours!"
     "Well," said an angry Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner, "I wish you'd told
me that _before_ I injected you with this tranquilizer serum!"
     Bad-Timing Boy's legs began to shake. "Aaw, man!"

               *~_/|\_/= ILC : BTB =\_/|\_~*

     A few hours later, Bad-Timing Boy was running for what was
formerly the Ninja's office. He had only a few minutes to complete all
of his leadery duties! Rounding the corner, he bumped straight into
Time-Waster Lad.
     "Oh, hey, Bad-Timing Boy!"
     "Hi Time-Waster Lad! Sorry, I have no time to waste, I need to
get to the office!"
     "Which office?"
     "My office!"
     "You have an office?"
     "Yes! I'm the Leader of the LNH, remember?"
     "Oh, right! How's that going for you, buddy?"
     "Not so good, actua-" And then he was gone.

               *~_/|\_/= ILC : BTB =\_/|\_~*
                          CREDITS
Bad-Timing Boy created by Vernon Harmon
Bizarre Boy was created by rjd118 at psuvm.pse.edu
Cheesecake-Eater Lad was created by M. Jotham Millheiser
Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner created by Peter 'Tick' Milan
Elvis Man was created by Gary St. Lawrence
Innovative-Offence Boy is public domain. The internets seem to have
lost all traces of whomever created him, but if someone could tell me,
that would be super swell.
Kid Recap was created by Josh Geurink
Multi-Tasking Man was created by Jeff Coleburn
Nudist Man created by Tom Russell
Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad was created by Arthur Spitzer
Steak-And-Potatoes Man also seems to be lost to the voids of time and
internets. How depressing.
Time-Waster Lad was created by Ray Rich
Ultimate Ninja was created by Ray 'wReam' Bingham




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