LNH: LNH Comics Presents #60: Infinite Leadership Crisis Episode 25

[Martin Phipps]

               INFINITE LEADERSHIP CRISIS
                    
                      EPISODE 25

April 25, 2007

  Once again, as he had done every day for the past
three weeks, Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad pulled a name
out of his hat.
  "Figment Lad," he said.
  "What?" Sarcastic Lad asked.
  "Is there a Figment Lad here?"
Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad asked.
  "There's no friggin' Figment Lad, putz," Sarcastic
Lad told him.  "Check the name.  This is somebody's
idea of a joke!"
  Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad looked at wReamHack. 
"Is this true?"
  wReamHack shook his head.  "He's in an early version
of the roster."
  Sarcastic Lad laughed.  "Right.  And who was in
charge of the roster back then, huh moron?  That was
you!  You made the guy up!  He doesn't exist!  And now
you fell for your own gag!  Come on!"
  wReamHack frowned and bit his lip.  "I could have
sworn there was a Figment Lad."
  Sarcastic Lad sighed.  "Okay.  Let's get on with
this: I've got a whole lot of porn up in my room that
I rented last night that I haven't finished watching
and I need to return it to the video store before
midnight or else pay for another night."
  Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad pulled another name out
of his hat and read it.  "Sarcastic Lad," he said.
  "Damn," Sarc said.  "So much for watching porn
today.  Wait!  That means I'm going to disappear at
midnight!  Um... no... I don't think so!"  Sarc's body
started to shake violently and he feel to the floor.
  "What's wrong with him?" Pizza Girl asked.
  "He's having some kind of seizure," Bizarre Boy
observed.
  "Look!" New Look Lass exclaimed.  "His costume is
disappearing!"
  Sarcastic Lad stopped shaking.  He looked around and
then slowly stood up.  "It's gone," he said.
  "What's gone?" Innovative Offense Lad asked.
  "My daemon.  Dahn Rrik Ulz.  For the first time in
fifteen years I am free from the daemon's influence. 
It's gone."
  "Gone perhaps but not far, dickhead!"
  Everyone turned to look at wReamHack who was
standing there wearing Sarcastic Lad's costume.
  "Yeah, that's right, punk," he said.  "I'm over
here.  So what are you going to do about it?"
  "Okay... what's going on?" Curious Lass asked.
  Sarcastic Lad nodded sadly.  "It all began fifteen
years ago."

\begin{flashback}

  "I made a deal with the daemon Dahn Rrik Ulz to save
the life of my psychology professor Professor Eym A
Jeenyus and, in rerurn, he possessed me.  The daemon
had the power to make sarcastic remarks to anybody and
everybody.  I had managed to wrest sufficient control
over the daemon, however, such that I was only
sarcastic to people who really deserved it.  Well,
mostly anyway.  It was then that, as Sarcastic Lad, I
joined the LNH.

\end{flashback}

  "Now I am Sarcastic Lad no more.  Now I am only Jo
Nysegi."
  SarcasticwReam laughed.  "But you are still the
leader of the LNH which means that you will disappear
at midnight while I live on inside another host!  Ha
ha ha!"
  "No!" Jo Nysegi swore.  "That can't be!"
  SarcasticwReam smiled.  "We can't both be the leader
of the LNH.  That means only one of us can disappear."
  Jo Nysegi thought for a moment.  Doctor Stomper. 
Adamant Authority-on-Everything.  Occultism Kid.  They
were all gone.  There was only one person who might be
able to settle this question.
  "Okay, daemon, you're coming with me."

  Kid Kirby was busy working in his lab but, as
current leader of the LNH, Jo Nysegi was authorized to
interupt him.  "What seems to be the problem?" he
asked.
  SarcasticwReam wasn't interested in Kid Kirby's
question: he was more interested in Sing Along Lass. 
"Hey, babe, what's it like being a god's main squeeze?
 Maybe now that you've had a god you can try a daemon,
eh?"
  Kid Kirby looked at SarcasticwReam in disgust but
directed his question to Jo Nysegi.  "What's up with
wReamHack?  Why is he hitting on Sing-Along Lass?  And
why is he wearing your costume?"
  Jo Nysegi sighed.  "That's why I'm here.  I got
picked as Legion leader today so the daemon Dahn Rrik
Ulz vacated my body and then occupied the legionaire
standing closest to me... and that happened to be
wReamHack.  The daemon thinks that as long as he's not
inhabiting my body he won't disappear at midnight."
  "Whattaya say?  Hmm?"  SarcasticwReam kept it up
with Sing Along Lass and ignored the conversation
going on about him.
  Jo Nysegi sighed.  "Forgive him.  He's not as in
control of the daemon as I was."
  "You were in control?" Kid Kirby asked
incredulously.
  "Yeah, well, maybe I liked it a bit too, you know,
the freedom to insult people because it was my power."
 Jo Nysegi grimaced.  "And Sing-Along Lass is hot."
  "That's no excuse to be rude to her," Kid Kirby
said.
  "Right."  Jo Nysegi went over to talk to
SarcasticwReam.  "Okay, look, that's enough."
  SarcasticwReam laughed.  "I possessed you for
fifteen years, lame brain, and that's the best you can
do?"
  Jo Nysegi smiled.  "Yeah, well, it just so happens
that the lady here is too hot for even a daemon from
Hell to handle."
  SarcasticwReam smiled.  "That's better,
grasshopper."
  Jo Nysegi shook his head.  "It's so weird seeing you
possessing somebody else."
  SarcasticwReam laughed.  "Get used to it, loser! 
>From here on until the end of time wReamHack will be
my new host!  And the end of time will be coming very
soon for you, Jo Nysegi!  Like in a few hours time! 
Ha ha ha!"
  Jo Nysegi walked away from SarcasticwReam in
disgust.  "Is it true?" he asked.  "When I was made
LNH leader I was still under Dahn Rrik Ulz's
possession.  So which one of us will disappear at
midnight?"
  Kid Kirby shrugged his shoulders.  "I can't say for
sure.  Perhaps you.  Perhaps him.  Perhaps both of
you."
  "No way!" SarcasticwReam insisted.  "I'm not the LNH
leader!  He is!"
  Kid Kirby sighed deeply.  "There is only one way to
find out.  We must wait and see."
 
  Midnight approached.  Jo Nysegi and SarcasticwReam
were both standing under observation in Kid Kirby's
lab.
  "It's almost time," Kid Kirby said.
  SarcasticwReam laughed.  "So long sucker!"
  Kid Kirby started counting down.  "Ten... nine...
eight... seven... six... five... four... three...
two... one... midnight."
  Jo Nysegi disappeared right on cue.
  SarcasticwReam started laughing.  "Ha ha ha!" he
said.  "I'm still here."  Then he stopped laughing. 
"No.  It's not possible!  I can't be pulled free from
my host once I have settled in!  Nothing can do that! 
NO!!!"  SarcasticwReam's body began to shake.  His
costume disappeared.  wReamHack was himself again. 
"Oh, God, that was horrible!"
  Sing-Along Lass appeared to agree.  "Kid Kirby!  Who
is powerful enough to rip a daemon from his host like
that?"
  Kid Kirby grimaced.  "I'm not sure."
  "Then how can we stop whoever is behind this?"
  Kid Kirby sighed.  "I don't know."

                    TO BE CONTINUED

Pull-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad created by Arthur Spitzer.
Kid Kirby created by Jameel Alkavitz.
Sing Along Lass created by Jeff "Drizzt" Barnes.
Sarcastic Lad created by Gary St. Lawrence.
wReam Hack created by Raymond "wReam" Bingham.
Figment Lad created by Ted Faber.
Pizza Girl created by me.
New Look Lass created by Charles Fitzgerald.
Curious Lass created by Carolyn Vaughan

Martin... has to go to Taipei tomorrow

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