LNH: LNH Comics Presents #50: Infinite Leadership Crisis Episode 15

[Martin Phipps]

               INFINITE LEADERSHIP CRISIS

                       EPISODE 15

April 15, 2007

  Pulls-Out-Of-Hats Lad pulled out the name of the
latest LNH Leader.
  "Well?" Curious Lass asked.
  "Sister State-the-Obvious," he said.
  "That's me," Sister State-the-Obvious said.  "I'm
the new leader."
  "So what now?" Curious Lass asked.
  "We need to find our missing teammates," Sister
State-the-Obvious said.
  "the Man i Married is aMong the Missing,"
aLLiterative Lass said.  "you Must find him."
  "Wait," Forgetting One said, "most of the
Legionaires left appear to be women.  Have all the
ones who disappeared been men?"
  "No," Recap Lad said.  "There have been women as
well as men who have disappeared but as the leaders of
the LNH so far have been mostly men it has been mostly
men who have disappeared, leaving an abundance of
women."
  "But isn't Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad's power
simply the ability to pull paper out of hats?"
Forgetting One asked.  "Wouldn't he just be pulling
names out at random?"
  "No," Ordinary Lady told him. 
"Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad's power is to pull out
the right piece of paper out of all the paper in the
hat so that in this case he would be pulling out the
name of the right person to be leader of the LNH."
  "What about when he pulled out Coward Lad's name?"
Frat Boy asked.
  "That was a gag," Ordinary Lady explained.  "Don't
forget that the Looniverse is governed not only by
logic but by the rules of comedy and drama."
  "Can we use that to our advantage?" wReamHack asked.
 "I mean, having our teammates disappear serves drama
but after a while it just isn't funny anymore: as the
days go by there will be fewer and fewer of us left
until the last one left disappears."
  "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" Coward Lad screamed.
  "We need to figure out where our teammates went,"
Sister State-the-Obvious said.  "If we know where they
went to and how they got there then we might be able
to get them back."
  Frat Boy shook his head.  "Who's idea was it to let
Doctor Stomper serve as leader?" he asked.  "Now
there's nobody here who knows what their doing.  We
should simply chose the least useful legionaire to be
leader.  That would have bought us more time."
  "Are you volunteering?" Sarcastic Lad asked.
  "Bite me!" Frat Boy said.
  "Oooh," Sarcastic Lad said.  "You'd like that,
wouldn't you?"
  "We shouldn't fight amongst ourselves," Sister
State-the-Obvious said.  "It won't help us get our
missing teammates back."
  "Why don't we simply disband the LNH?" Forgetting
One asked.  "Then people would stop disappearing."
  "We tried that," Ordinary Lady said.  "Remember?"
  "We did?"
  "Uh huh.  The leader who disbanded the LNH
disppeared at midnight regardless."
  "We mustn't give up though," Sister
State-the-Obvious said.
  "I've got an idea," wReamHack said.
  "What is it?" Ordinary Lady asked.
  "You should tell us your idea," Sister
State-the-Obvious said.
  "We need to get in touch with Kid Kirby," he said. 
"He might be able to help us."
  "Unfortunately we can't contact him," Ordinary Lady
said.
  "We don't know where he is," Sister
State-the-Obvious said.
  "Still," wReam Hack said, "we could use him."
  Just then a flash of lightning appeared outside.  It
was so bright that even though our heroes were inside
LNH HQ and were protected by extra thick steel and
concrete walls, the light in the room was nevertheless
bright enough that even those standing away from the
source had to make the effort to try to shield their
eyes from it.
  "What do you suppose that was?" Forgetting One
asked.
  After about a minute, the doors flew open with a
gust of wind.
  "KID KIRBY HAS RETURNED!" Kid Kirby said.
  "And Sing Along Lass too!" his herald added.
  "Wait!" Frat Boy complained.  "Isn't it illogical
that Kid Kirby would show up just after wReamHack says
how good it would be to have him here?"
  "Perhaps," Ordinary Lady said, "but don't forget
that, as I already said, the Looniverse is not only
bound by logic but by comedy and drama.  Having Kid
Kirby show up on cue serves drama and having you point
out the illogic of him showing up on cue serves
comedy."
  "Hmm," Sarcastic Lad mused.  "Has Jeannie been
spending quality time with Doctor Stomper?"
  "What the @#$%?" Innovative Offense Boy asked.  "Is
that @#$%ing true?  Because if it is then when he gets
back I'm going to rip him a new @$$@#$% and then stick
his own @#$% up it!"
  "It's not true, dear," Ordinary Lady said as she
gave her husband a kiss.
  "We need your help," Sister State-the-Obvious said
to Kid Kirby.
  "Some of our teammates are missing," Ordinary Lady
added.
  "We don't know where they are," Sister
State-the-Obvious said.
  "We thought you could help us find them," Ordinary
Lady said.
  Kid Kirby nodded.  "Tell me what happened."

  Sister State-the-Obvious, Ordinary Lady and Frat Boy
showed Kid Kirby and Sing Along Lass where their
teammates had disappeared.  They also showed them all
the data that Doctor Stomper had collected before he
too disappeared.
  "Can you help us?" Ordinary Lady asked.
  "We really want our teammates back," Sister
State-the-Obvious said.
  Kid Kirby nodded.  "I think I can."
  "So you know what happened and where they went to?"
Ordinary Lady asked.
  "That would be very helpful," Sister
State-the-Obvious said.
  "I believe I do," Kid Kirby said.
  "Could you tell us what your theory is?" Ordinary
Lady asked.
  Kid Kirby mused.  "Not just yet."  He pointed to the
lab down the end of the hall.  "I'm going to go here
and run a few tests.  I shpuld know for sure by
tomorrow morning."
  "But I'm supposed to disappear at midnight," Sister
State-the-Obvious said.  "If I disappear tonight then
I won't be here tomorrow morning."
  "I know," Kid Kirby said.  "I'm sorry but that's the
way it has to be."  Kid Kirby proceeded to his
personal laboratory and went to work.
  Frat Boy grimaced.  "I don't get it," he said.  "Why
can't he just say what he thinks might be causing
this?"
  "Rules of drama," Ordinary Lady said.  "All major
revelations need to be preceded by a cliffhanger
ending."

                   TO BE CONTINUED
 
Sister State the Obvious and wReamHack are wReam's 
Curious Lass is Carolyn Vaughan's
Sing Along Lass is Jeff "Drizzt" Barnes's
Kid Kirby is H. Jameel Al Khafiz's
Kid Recap is Josh Geurink's 
aLLiterative Lass is Charles Fitzgerald's
Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad is Arthur Spitzer's 
Frat Boy is uplink's 
Sarcastic Lad is Gary St. Lawrence's 
Coward Lad is Cory Smith & Tom Russell's
Forgetting One belongs to... um... Joel Finkle :) 
Ordinary Lady is mine

Martin

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