[LNH] LNH Comics Presents #47: Infinite Leadership Crisis Episode 12

Martin Phipps martinphipps2 at yahoo.com
Wed Apr 11 19:37:47 PDT 2007

This chapter is a little bit longer because 1) it
covers two days and 2) Arthur Spitzer asked me to
include the part he wrote with Robo-Stomper.


                      EPISODE 12

April 12, 2007

  Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad reached into the hat and
pulled out the name of the next LNH leader...
  "Captain Cleanup."
  "Does everybody agree?" Doctor Stomper asked. 
People nodded their heads.  This was getting routine.
  "Are you making any progress finding the others?"
Captain Cleanup asked.
  "With every leader who disappears we collect more
data," Doctor Stomper said.
  "Okay, so you don't need my help then."
  Doctor Stomper pursed his lips.  "Hopefully we'll
get this figured out today and you won't have to worry
about disappearing."
  "Let's hope so," Captain Cleanup said.  "In the
meantime, I'm the leader.  That means people have to
do what I say.  Right?"
  "I'll file a sexual harassment claim if you so much
as look at me funny!" Sarcastic Lad called out.
  "That's not what I meant," Captain Cleanup said. 
"Frat Boy.  I want you over here."
  "I'll bet!" Sarcastic Lad said.  "And Frat Boy just
might be a willing partner."
  Frat Boy gave him a dirty look.
  "Never mind him," Captain Cleanup said.  "You know
how I've always been telling you to clean your room?"
  Frat Boy rolled his eyes.  "Yeah."
  "Well today you have to."
  "I'm the LNH Leader."
  "Yeah.  For today.  Then you'll disappear."
  "Well, hopefully not.  But if you refuse to clean
your room, I can always resign..."
  "Fine.  Do that."
  "And appoint you as my successor."
  "Then you'd be LNH leader at midnight."
  "That's not fair!"
  "If your room isn't clean by 11:00 tonight then you
will become LNH leader.  Does everybody agree?"
  Various legionaires started to applaud.  Frat Boy
looked around and saw that it was a clear majority.
  "Fair enough," Frat Boy said.  He gave Captain
Cleanup a cold stare.  "I'll do it and when my room is
clean you will stay leader and disappear at midnight! 
And good riddance!"

  Frat Boy went up to his room and started cleaning
up.  It was taking hours.  Domestic Lad took pity on
him and decided to go give him some help.  Finally, it
was done.  He managed to find Captain Cleanup and got
him to inspect the room for him.  The LNH Leader for
the day gave him a thumbs up.  Frat Boy just nodded
and walked off.
  With his room clean, Frat Boy went to visit Master
Blaster.  "Hey, Rob," he said.
  "Hey, buddy, what's up?  Did you get your room
  "So what's wrong?"
  "I was just thinking about what I said to Captain
Cleanup earlier."
  Master Blaster nodded.  "Yeah.  That was harsh."
  Frat Boy sighed.  "I should go back and apologize."
  "Sure.  That sounds like a good idea."
  "Maybe I should stay with him tonight."
  "Umm... okay," Master Blaster said and then looked
around uncomfortably.
  "Not like that," Frat Boy said.  "It's just that we
don't know if we are ever going to get these people
back.  I was thinking if it was me I would want to
know that somebody cared.  Somebody other than Doctor
Stomper I mean.  Somebody with actual feelings."
  Master Blaster smiled.  "Hey, don't be all doom and
gloom.  We'll get them back!  We'll find a way!  We
always do."
  Frat Boy nodded.  "All the same.  I think I should
be there."

April 13, 2007

  At the daily (for this month) leader choosing
cermony Master Blaster made his way to Frat Boy to see
how he was doing.
  "Hey, Frat Boy," he said.  "So, how did it go last
  "It was just like they said.  One minute Captain
Cleanup was there.  The next moment he was gone."
  "Bummer," Master Blaster said.  "Hey!  Look! 
Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad is pulling another paper
  Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad read the name on the
piece of paper.  "Doctor Stomper."
  "NO!" Frat Boy screamed.
  "Excuse me?" Doctor Stomper asked.
  "You can't do this!" Frat Boy said.  "You're the
only one who even understands the work you've done up
to now.  If you go then who is going to figure it
  "It's okay," Doctor Stomper said.  "I'm very close. 
I'm sure I can figure it out today.  You'll see."
  Frat Boy shook his head.  "That's what you've said
every day since this whole thing started.  How do we
know you've made any progress at all."
  Doctor Stomper smiled.  "If I haven't made any
progress then I'm not as good an investigator as you
think I am," he pointed out.
  "That's not the point, Stomper," Adamant
Authority-on-Everything told him.  "We can't afford to
have you of all people disappear.  You have to let
someone more expendable take the position."
  Dr. Stomper gave a nod.  "I know.  You're right --
the LNH does need me, but on the other hand it's also
possible that the only way I'll find a key to this
disappearing problem is if I vanish myself.  That
being said, I think I might have a solution that will
allow me to vanish and still help the LNH.  Please
follow me."  Then the Doctor led Adamant
Authority-on-Everything to a special room next to his
lab.  In the room was a complicated looking bit of
  "What's this thing supposed to do?" asked Adamant
  "This," Doctor Stomper said putting his hands on the
control panel, "Is what I call an LNH Robot
Duplication Machine.  It has the power to copy anyone
who has ever been a member of the LNH and create a
robot duplicate of them who has the same type of
powers.  Let me demonstrate.  LNH Robot Duplication
Machine?  Please create a copy of myself."  The
machine started to whir and beep.  Lights started to
flash.  After a couple of minutes, the machine spit
out an exact copy of Dr. Stomper.  The robo-copy
walked over to the two heroes.
  "Hello, Dr. Stomper and Adamant
Authority-on-Everything.  How may I help you?  Would
you like to play a game of chess?  Find out what Pi is
to the Graham's numberith digit?  Discuss Star Trek?"
  "Hmm.  What is Pi to the Graham's numberith digit?"
said Dr. Stomper testing the robot.
  "Pi to the Graham's numberith digit is -- Seven."
  Dr. Stomper thought about this for a bit using his
fingers to calculate the answer and then nodded. 
"That would be the correct answer."
  "Uh.  Well yeah," Adamant Authority-on-Everything
said trying to maintain a superior position in the
discourse.  "Everyone knows that.  Try something hard.
 Like who's responsible for snatching all of the
  Robo-Stomper thought about this for a second. 
"Sorry.  Not enough data to assess the situation."
  "Robo-Stomper, I created you for the purpose of
helping the LNH if I should disappear at midnight
tonight.  I want you to help who ever is in charge
with finding the missing LNH'rs.  Can you do this?"
   "Yes, Dr. Stomper.  If you should disappear I will
get right to work on this problem and attempt to solve
it.  Anything else?"
   "Yes.  You should probably use the Robot
Duplication Machine to create robo-duplicates of all
of the missing LNH'rs.  Past and Future.  We'll need
them to help maintain the illusion that there is
nothing wrong with the LNH so the public won't worry
and our enemies won't take advantage of the
  Robo-Stomper nodded.
  "Umm," Adamant Authority-on-Everything said with a
worried expression, "Are you sure we should be doing
this?  Keeping this info from the public and making
all of these robo-duplicates?"
  "I think at the moment this is our best move.  I did
install codes to shut down the robo-duplicates if they
should become a problem."
  "Well, if you think it's a good idea.  Oh yeah,
speaking of codes -- I have your code pill."  Adamant
Authority-on-Everything handed Dr. Stomper a red pill.
  Dr. Stomper looked at pill suspiciously.  "Has every
missing LNH Leader taken one of these?"
  "Well, yeah.  It's standard procedure.  It helps the
leader know all of the codes for rooms, kirbybots,
computer systems, and the whole LNHHQ."
  "I know.  I was the one who helped design it.  I
think I'll pass on taking it.  This could very well be
the device that is causing LNH Leaders to vanish. 
Assuming I don't vanish after midnight I'll need to
take a look at the code-pill making machine tomorrow."
  "But what if you do vanish?"
  "Then I guess we can rule the pill out of being the
culprit.  Well, I need to get back to solving this
missing LNH'r problem."
  Adamant Authority-on-Everything nodded and both of
the heroes left the room leaving the Robo-Stomper by
  The Robo-Stomper looked at the LNH Robot Duplication
Machine and went over to a console.  "Computer give me
a list of missing LNH'rs."  The Robo-Stomper went to
  "Hey!" Anything-You-Can-Do-I-Can-Do-Better Lad
said.  "You guys should let me take a look at the
data.  I'm sure I could figure it out."
  Adamant Authority-on-Everything shook his head. 
"Nonsense!  If Stomper and I can't figure out what's
going on then what makes you think you can?"
  "Gentlemen," Stomper said.  "Do you mind?  We need
to get to work.  Otherwise I will disappear at
midnight tonight."

  Doctor Stomper and the others involved in the case
met in his office.
  "Okay," Stomper said.  "What do we have so far?"
  "So far," Kid Recap said, "several LNH members have
disappeared at midnight after assuming the role of
leader for the day."
  "Do we have to hear that every day?" Adamant
Authority-on-Everything asked.
  "I helps the readers," Stomper said.  "Squeaky, did
you notice anything different when Captain Cleanup
disappeared last night?"
  "No," Squeaky Clean said.  "It was just like the
others.  One moment he was there and the next moment
he was gone."
  Doctor Stomper mused for a moment.  The his eyes lit
up.  "I've got an idea!"
  "What is it?" Insomnia Boy asked.
  "What if the entire LNH moved Westward and kept
moving Westward.  Then it would never turn midnight."
  Insomnia Boy grimaced.  "Logistically it couldn't
work.  We'd all have to be travelling faster than the
speed of sound in order to prevent midnight from
catching up with us."
  "But that doesn't mean we couldn't put you in a
flight.thingee and send you around the Earth over and
over again," Adamant Authority-On-Everything said. 
"As long as midnight doesn't catch up with you then
you won't disappear."
  Doctor Stomper smiled.  "Make it so."

  The four of them went to find Parking Karma Kid. 
"Pilot a flight.thingee around the Earth non-stop to
keep the Doc from disappearing?"
  "That's the idea," Insomnia Boy said.
  "What if I get tired?"
  "I hadn't thought of that," Insomnia Boy admitted. 
"Alright then.  I'll go with you."
  "I hope this works," Doctor Stomper said.  "If I
remain leader when it turns midnight then nobody else
will have to disappear."

  Later that night, Adamant Authority-on-Everything
and Squeaky Clean were in the LNH HQ Monitoring Room. 
"It's almost midnight," Squeaky Clean said.  "I hope
this works."
  "Of course it will work!" Adamant
Authority-on-Everything said.
  "Insomnia Boy, this is Squeaky.  Can you hear me?"
  >>I can hear you.<<
  "How's the boss?"
  >>He's fine.  What time do you have?<<
  "11:59.  You?"
  >>We're already over California so it's 8:59 here.<<
  "Hey, boss!  Stomper!  How are you feeling?  Are you
feeling confident?"
  >>Absolutely!  As long as it isn't midnight where I
am then --<<
  "Boss?  Stomper?  Are you still there?"
  >>Squeaky... this is Insomnia Boy.<<
  "Insomnia Boy!  What happened?"
  >>He's gone.  Doctor Stomper is gone.  Just like the
  Adamant Authority-on-Everything slammed his fist
down on one of the counters.  "Damn!" he said.  "I was
so sure that was going to work!"
  Squeaky Clean sighed.  "What now?"

                   TO BE CONTINUED


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