LNH: LNH Comics Presents #42: Infinite Leadership Crisis #7
thad at eyrie.org
Sun Apr 8 19:12:58 PDT 2007
Infinite Leadership Crisis: Episode 7
Outside the LNHHQ, dramatically suitable dark clouds failed to roll over
head and block the currently sunny day. A limousine prowled through the
streets, and eventually turned onto Rackham Avenue. It rolled to a
discreet stop (or, at least, a discreet a stop as possible given the
gawping onlookers the shiny dark limousine could produce), and a young
man hurriedly stepped out of the front of the car, smoothing his suit as
he ran for the back car door on the other side.
Opening it, he stood back, allowed another suited figure to step
of the car. This new figure looked at the LNHHQ and then cackled quietly
(the young man struggled at this point not to back away hurriedly).
Removing the suit top, the figure revealed a spandex costume underneath.
Completely the clothing change, and after properly hanging the suit up
on a set of hangers held by the young man, the figure squared shoulders
and walked inside.
"Hey, has someone been playing silly-buggers with these paper slips?"
Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad asked, peering suspiciously at the piece of
paper he had just pulled out of a hat.
"There are two names on here. I can't say I recognise the second
one, but the leader for today is Suddenly Exploding Boy!"
"Well, shucks. I'd just like to-" KABLAMMOO!
"Ah. Well, I guess that explains why there are two names then,"
said the dexterous paper puller, standing up from behind the bench he
had suddenly thrown himself. "Damn these one-shot jokes. But, has anyone
heard of Faq Boy?"
"That would be me," replied a man, walking into the cafeteria
"Barry! Long time no see," Domestic Lad called out. "What's with
the new look?"
Faq Boy sighed. "No, not Barry. I'm Allen. He's my dimensional
twin." [Long story. Go read the series _Fan.Boy_ for some answers. -
"So who are you and why should you be the leader then?"
"I'm Faq Boy, although I am considering changing that to Answer
Man. As you might be able to guess, I do have all the answers to
frequently asked questions. I-"
"So where are all our leaders gone then?"
"That's not a naturally occurring frequently asked question!"
Faq Boy replied, trying to suppress his natural frustration at having to
point out how FAQs worked. "You don't have new people turning up and
asking that question over a long period of time. In the future "What was
the Leadership Crisis about?" may become just such a faq, but until
then, it's basically just one on-going question."
"A bit cranky, aren't we?"
"Look, I'm the new leader now, so there'll be no more questions
"Actually, I don't think we have agreed that you should be our
leader. In fact, I don't even remember you being an LNH member."
Faq Boy pulled out a faded ID card. "I joined a long time ago.
Haven't really stuck around, but it's still valid. And I was the
second-in-command back in my own universe of our LNH, so back off!"
"What about that leader then? Surely, they'd be a better
"The Roster King was a variant of Acton Lord and was killed by
meeting his Oddball counterpart," Faq Boy explained. [Yep, an even
longer story, but this one was in _World Tales Annual #2_ - Footnote
Girl] "So, no, probably not a good idea. And don't call me Shirley...
that joke doesn't work in text, does it?"
The gathered masses shook their head in unison.
"Well, never mind. I'm the leader, so until further notice, I'm
in charge." With that, Faq Boy turned and left the room.
After a pause, the comment was heard, "You know, it might sound
cruel, but right now I'm seeing this midnight disappearance as a good
Faq Boy threw up his hands in disgust. Didn't anything get signed around
here? In Ultimate Ninja's office he had found the desk, several stacks
of paper and a spare katana, which he suspected was regularly used on
the stacks of paper. Faq Boy knew that the Roster King always managed to
stay on top of it, but somehow Faq Boy had missed those opportunities to
get involved himself and now he couldn't even find the day planner.
"Hey, leader, where do you want the owls?"
Faq Boy looked up to see Domestic Lad standing in the doorway.
"What? What owls?"
"Do you know what day it is today?"
"April 7th, 2007," replied Faq Boy automatically, being forced
by his nature to answer the frequently asked questions. "So?"
"It's World Health Day. You know 'Invest in health, build a
"What does owls have to do with that?"
"The World Health Organisation? WHO? As in the sound an owl
"Actually, it would be better described by more of a 'whoot',
but ornithologists don't necessarily reach agreement on... Wait a
minute, the Ultimate Ninja ordered a bunch of owls to celebrate Health
"Actually, I think it was Sarcastic Lad, but he's not owning up
"We don't want any owls! Tell whoever it is to take them back!"
"They've already gone. That is, the delivery truck has already
gone, the owls are still here. Captain Cleanup and Squeaky Clean are in
there, but I can't tell if they are angry or ecstatic over the mess."
"How much of a mess can there be already?"
"We do already have an HQ full of Oozlefinches and kiwis. The
owls aren't happy."
"I'm beginning to see why Ultimate Ninja left. Is there a zoo
that can take them?"
"They came from the zoo, and they'll be back later to pick them
up, but in the mean time, where do you want me to put them?"
"Can the lawn hold them?"
"That's where they are right now."
"Then... leave them there."
"In the sun? They are night birds, you know."
"So are kiwis," Faq Boy pointed out. "You want to tell them
"Fine, fine. I'll just go put the banners up then."
Faq Boy was about to reply to that but Domestic Lad was already
gone. The katana was looking ever more attractive.
"Faq Boy, I've got a request from Cheesecake-Eater Lad to make his Lard
and Grease Cheesecake in honour of World Health Day."
"I refuse to even ask how he came up with that idea. Vetoed."
"Faq Boy, someone needs to sign these bills. And find some money to pay
"I thought no-one dared present Ultimate Ninja with a bill?"
"Yeah, but he's not currently in charge."
"Faq Boy, Doctor Stomper has an idea on how to track down where the
leaders have all gone, but says it might lead to the destruction of
everything in the universe. Can he go ahead?"
"At this point, I'm all for it."
"Faq Boy, I... where are you going?"
Faq Boy strode past Squeaky Clean with barely a glance in his
direction. "I've had it with you people! If it's not a request to
rebuild the top floor, then it's notice of another alien invasion attack
or news that Frat Boy's popcorn machine has broken free and declaring
itself a sovereign state with all rights to be recognised!"
"Hey, that last one only happened twice."
"You want to know where your leaders are going? They're taking
off after being in charge of you lot for more than five minutes.
Frankly, I'm joining them. My limo is outside, and I'm taking off."
"I doubt that distance will be enough to get away from being the
leader. You'll still probably disappear."
"That's a chance I'm willing to take."
After the limousine departed, Squeaky Clean entered the cafeteria. "Who
had ten hours?"
New Look Lass waved her ticket and grinned.
"This is rather cruel," Domestic Lad chimed in. "He doesn't
deserve to disappear."
"Maybe not, but I'm betting your just jealous because you got
stuck with one hour."
"Yeah, well, those owls should have done it..."
"We're still no closer to finding out what is really going on,"
Doctor Stomper weighed in. "And now, our next leader we could have run
tests on has just left. Real helpful there."
With that, the cafeteria grew a little quieter... except for New
Look Lass counting her winnings.
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